HowTo:Soma

I can no longer discern the benefit of mundane elixirs such as LSD when human-kind are destined for Soma, which is the very root of complacence. Due to my discovery the New World Order can finally accomplish the subjective globalization of the Earth as was wisely foretold by Aldous Huxley in Brave New World. And I have made it possible by scientifically imagining the missing formula.

Soma (सोम) was actually a celestial beverage in Indian mythology (Hinduism) that is essential to real happiness. Previously Soma had proved impossible to find in the material creation, and was normally a gyp! The original Sanskrit texts describe Soma as a drink only existing in Svarga (heaven); and being composed entirely of fermented consciousness it supposedly has no mundane counterpart^[1].

That may have been true before the Stone Age, before ME, but not anymore. I did it! Finally the gates of heavenly delight have been thrown open with the emergence of synthetic Soma. It's based on a recipe I personally concocted - a mix that is essentially, well, essential to achieve public acceptance of the New World Order.

For one gram of pure synthetic Soma mix 15 moon-dried psychoactive Sonoran Desert toads, 1.50 grams of Psilocybin, a Xerox copy of pages 2 and 17 from the Tibetan Book of the Dead, 3 grams of Dimethyltryptamine, 1 ounce of Methylenedioxymethamphetamine, 10 grams Tetrahydrocannabinol, half kilogram of Methylphenidate, 2 grams of pure CIA opium, 4 Peyote buds, 1-2 dried mushrooms (Amanita muscaria), 1 pickled Gecko's tail, and 3 gallons of Bangladeshi "moonshine" or, its equivalent, Russian Vodka.

Allow the mixture to simmer in a large plutonium pot (1 meter x 1 meter) for 24-48 hours until solid. The resulting mixture is then squeezed through an industrial size sugarcane press until just one potent gram of synthetic Soma remains.

1. As a sure cure for death (pending approval of Illuminati's Board of Eugenics).
2. To get the munchies and gain weight.
3. To have no appetite and lose weight.
4. To visualize musical notes written in toothpaste.
5. To laugh uncontrollably at a very thought.
6. To get lost in one's own closet.
7. To have a paisley lover.
8. To approach God, and
9. To primarily zonk sheeple into acceptance of the NWO.

But remember, Soma is contraindicated in Opium dens and Courts of Law. So my conclusion is don't get caught or cheated. Soma consumption will certainly become mandatory once it's existence becomes known by Big Brother. But Soma is not legal yet. So with my formula any entrepreneur who has a huge factory, a good distribution network, and a private army, plus an agreement with the local precinct, a cut to the mob, and a good lawyer, can go into business - for both pleasure, profit and global enslavement.

Wouldn't you agree, Dear Diary?

Signed: