Solvent

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Revision as of 17:57, May 2, 2009 by Silicson (talk | contribs)

(diff) ← Older revision | Latest revision (diff) | Newer revision → (diff)
Jump to: navigation, search

A Solvent is considered by many psychiatrists, psychologists, pediatricians and pedophiles alike to be a specific person having as a field of expertise solving problems. Every problem they find, they will not rest until it's stamped and ticked.
In short, there are those bastards who have little excuse to barge into your problems and pretend to have a quick, painless, panic-free, potent (why not admit?) solution to every god damn irritation of your miserable, sorry excuse for a life. Unless you're a gamer.
They do this, generally, pretending to really give a shit about the specific itch in your existence, being as conspicuous and nosy as possible. If you are one of those nitwits that let them assist you, they were actually selling any information they could get, including your VISA card number, to the highest bidder. But, it's in your best interest, not to worry! And it will most unlikely resolve that problem, and be the subject of yet another chapter of the solvency's best-seller book:"Don't do that again, you moron".
Nonetheless, they are the very foundation of our society, and if it wasn't for those loonies, we would still be in battle with bears for some wasp honey, fish and fur-coats for the wives.

Solvent Doyle

When the souls of the oppressed fight in the troubled air that rages, who can stand against a TEAM of solvents? Answer me this!

edit The History of Solvents

The history of solvents, date back into times of Origin.
Although little historical record about it has been preserved ,according to the results and pair-matching with Carbon Dating on some excrements,founded six thousand years old, not even touched, solvency might had begun just a little afterward.
Their stillness had been interrupted by Dr. Zebadiah Brown, member of the Order of Solvents. He discovered that this was in fact the last organic[1] weapon and a representation of a problem.

Solvent goo

A Nobel prize-winning solution

edit Early solvents, early buggers

The representation of a problem originated with the appearance of the first solvent. It was a big pile of human-produced shit. It was the Original Sin. After that, God kicked us out of the Garden. No, he didn't like THAT idea for a fertilizer. Being the biggest mistake of humanity, it continues to amaze philosophers, reducing their ideas to uncontrollable babbling and whispers. The only thing that calms them is a photo of a roll of toilet paper, or a lullaby sang by their mother. Some may say that it was a bad habit, being unclean, dirty, an instant, strikingly bad odorous emitting "creature". Even the nose had to plan a vacation to Tibet,in order to obtain "purification".
Recently, the solvent's name has been revealed as being Seth McNostrill. Notable anthropologists stated that Mr. McNostrill, resolved the problem, by using his higher clearance level, among his fellow tribe members and A.A. associates alike, inventing a procedure, easily translated from their ancestral language, as to "covered-it-up" or "using-leaves-wont-work". This procedure is still considered being highly practiced among Indians today. Pity, they discovered it only after the British left...
Nonetheless, it is the first written evidence of religion and beliefs of humanity in their first tribal stage ,and the missing link between Monotheism and Ancient Gods.

edit Middle solvents, old discoveries

In the late Middle Ages, the solvents discovered another amazing product generated by that amazing machinery; the organism, which is flatulence .
Yes, that's right ladies and gents, I couldn't hold it anymore. The secret of our existence is revealed. No fuss, no puss. The problem was resolved by Jebediah Smith by the invention of the first bag, or as some may refer to it: the Portable gas tank. Kittens were used exclusively until they were all huffed in a solvent shortage.
The plastic bags are inflated using human-produced flatulence. The whole humanity is an endless resource for the plastic bag industry. Many activists have stated that paper bags are more eco-friendly, since they are inflated with green flatulence from specific places in nature, known as eco-loos. This is known as Solvent Green. Also, this was the pioneering step for the idea in which eco-buses are powered by human bio-gas or human bio-waste. In India is expected to use such green technology in 3109 or by the Armageddon, which either comes first.
Jebediah Smith, had lived during the Industrial Revolution, during which he made a bang with his solutions. He is famous, and considered the Father of the Order of Solvents.

Solvent problem

A happy case

edit Now and the future of solvents

About the next one, is little known.
It is said that he will deliver humankind from all problems and work. It is said he will invent robots, or other mechanical things that it will solve our daily problems and we will get the chance to retreat to a nice little coffin were we will have the possibility to relax for an eternity.

edit Applications of a solvent

Allegations upon this article where solved with one of the applications of a solvent. But with which one, find below, and you too can be an all-solving solvent! Don't want to, then go away.

edit Classification

The applications of a solvent are: split hook , ask Captain Cook, into 2 methods:

edit Through way

A nifty solvent can dissolve your problems into many, many things like:

  1. Identifying that specific abnormality which may start with your mother-in-law or your kidneys and end with something rather unpleasant
  2. He will probably look at your problem in a more personal way, stating over 100 reasons why the lump you found this morning, under your tongue, is cancerous
  3. Rewriting Genesis, as thinking if there is a probability to significantly reduce your chances of ever existing ever. After all, if you don't exist, it doesn't affect you
  4. Looking caring , reminding of your mommy, gaining your trust, THEN he contacts his agent, who will make the best worst joke ever, to be sold to an eccentric multimillionaire who will laugh himself to death redefining the phrase lmao, and causing the abdominal muscles to simply implode
  5. Fatherly (not the way Father Thomas teaches you to see the "room of secrets" and how to "get" to the surprise) and teaches you how to solve it yourself, you being an ignorant in the fine art of "problem solving"
  6. Didn't work? Perhaps this way.
Solvent pocking

A solvent's hand poking dexterously in someone else's business

edit Fast Sukcess

Saying innuendo relieves you from the stress that may lead to tension and heart problems , culminating with some nasty words addressed to the elderly people of our respectful society for their richness in experience and so on and so forth. Finishing with an elevated blood pressure and extreme eye redness would certainly require the swift and painless assistance of a solvent.


edit Solving

To call a solvent, act helpless. Be aware though, acting so will alert a solvent, and (s)he cannot be stopped, since (s)he is to be payed by hour.
Not that (s)he will leave, they would loose their statute and liberties to interfere with other people lives with their determined willingness.
It is thought, that showing that you are smarter than the solvent will remove their presence for the next 5 years, but the last person who tried that, hasn't been heard nor seen since the last Economic Crisis. Speaking of which, the solvents are working tirelessly on this, and some of the results are already being felt.

edit See also

edit Footnotes

  1. Mother Nature's personal Cradle of filth creation
Personal tools
projects