Soldat
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“Soldat is a drug for painful urinary tract infections contracted whilst wiki-whoring.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Soldat
“You Soldat, I bought dat! I shall go, because you're dull.”
~ Julius Ceaser on The Greatest Salads of our Time
“We can brainwash faster than the Russians - 20 seconds to total amnesia”
~ Unknown
“Hit!”
~ Typical Soldat player on Soldat
“No, it missed.”
~ Server on previous quote
“But why do I pwn noobs?”
~ Socrates on Soldat
In Soldat soldiers fight against each other on sinisterly crafted cartoon battle arenas using deadly military weapons, like pork sausages, throwing kittens, and the ever popular grapefruit. Teh only weapons respected by the soldat players are the Barretta (named after the popular Janitor Syd Barrett) and the Minigun.
Soldat was developed by an anorexian polish artist "Michal Marcinkowski" to test his new invention, 'lag'. It works.
The most famous Soldat player is Major. No one likes him, because of his popularity. Major represents high skill in hiding around the bushes and shooting down teammates. His camping skills are known throughout the Soldat community. His favorite gamemode is Deathmatch. He is clanless. Many people try to impersonate the Major, so that is why he is everywhere. Rumors also state that a old popular person named "soldier" was in the old days, until they all learned he was black, so he is no longer known to most.
The most popular gamemode is CTF. Players display mutual love calling themselves n00b, wormer, sprayer, Major, 1337 and nobody as well as many other things..
Contents |
[edit] History
Soldat has been around since the stone ages, where the game was played with large slabs of rock hurled at one-another. Soon, this progressed to swords, and then gunpowder, and then guns, and then pork sausages and throwing kittens. Michal Marcinkowski (Currently over 1000 years old), the inventor of Soldat, was an avid time-traveller, preferring the stone-age to modern-time, so this would explain the game's early beginnings. Since Michal Marcinkowski is now doing some other game that will probably be just as good, EnEsCe Cooper has taken over temporarily. Soon, clans of stone-aged fighters began appearing, in order to increase their pwnage ten-fold. This pastime is continued today in the form of clans. Modern clans consist of the all to common but much loved turbatus desipio, or troubled ass...
[edit] Popular Players
Chuck Norris - He was known to obliterate all his foes with his special 'roundhouse kick' gun, until he decided that Soldat was boring and should no longer waste his time.
The King of Idiots - An avid Soldatter, many say is the equal of Chuck Norris. The King of Idiots' tactics tend to involve driving his foes into insanity through many matches of CTF. One of his more popular victories is that of Steve Irwin.
n00b - he attempts to disguise himself with various other nicknames but his suckiness always exposes himself, his favorite weapons are the m79, the barreta, and the law.
Stalin - Leader of the only communist clan mar(XX). Joe Stalin created the worlds first soldat communist clan in late 2006. By March 2007, Stalin had recruited 20 clan members, making it one of Soldats largest clan. However, the clan was kept in secret, only performing a small number of clan wars. This was to maintain the mysterious attributes of the clan. As 2007 continued, more and more members joined the clan, including players such as Uige, Silent Maker and Eventually. All of the clan members were given a new name, based on their ranking. As all players were seen as equal, because of the communist status, the players were given names "Soldier 1, Soldier 2, etc." All members wore a navy uniform, to create further conformity. Members names were rotated on a regular basis so that members would not know the identity of each other. Although Stalin was a great player, he is well known because of his originality in creating a communist clan. Stalin can still be seen playing today, although the clan is broken up. The clan was disbanded when 3 members quit, and so Stalin punished everyone. Stalin usually plays infiltration and CTF, but can be seen in deathmatch areas. He uses the Barrett, Socom, Steyr AUG and the LAW. However, Stalin and school friend "Aeonz" (also known as Duality) whose actual name cannot be revealed because his actual name is bob, have recently formed another clan based upon the "Vietcong" or Vietnamese soldiers in the Vietnam war. Given the appropriate tag "=[VC]=" the clan revolves around the infamous guerilla warfare tactics of the Vietcong themselves. Stalin's newly formed clan is revolutionary because the 2 leaders are each in charge of a "faction" within the clan. These factions, named: Echo and Charlie are encouraged to challenge eachother for the control of the clan itself. Once one faction is in control, only that faction has the privilege to interact in warring rival clans. As the Vietcong clan is not exactly a mainstream clan, any member within a particular faction may challenge the leader of that faction for leader ship, making the VC clan popular among noobs who reckon they are 1337. <--- OH GOD THIS IS NOT FUNNY-.-
Bindi Irwin - A dickhead of a player who used the name of a fatherless daughter. He is mean, but popular because of his hilarious name.
Major-duh.
Yourself- A tricky player who likes to make you think that you died when you really killed him. Similar to Major, except not as popular.
Avarax- his fucking name is on everything
Your mom- She's so fat even Ripley's don't believe it
Lantou - A douchebag player who's primary weapons are the Eagles, he swoops down on his prey.
upnPAD - The IP that edited in Lantou and ~Silk~ into this section was also used by a guy called Lantou that frequents our clan forums, also the first and gayest player in soldat history.
~Silk~ - One of the first players of soldat, owns with an M79 and is highly respected in the Australian soldat scene.
Kenny - mmmph mmmphmph!!!
poorchava - see below
[edit] Soldat Gamemodes
Deathmatch - Whatever you do, do not light the match of death.
Pointmatch - The bright yellow flag, must be on fire, WHO LIT THE MATCH?!?!?!
Teammatch - Same as above, accept you're with some bad company.
Capture the Flag - And everybody aims for you if you have it.
Capture the Fag - Do it you gaywad!
Hold the Flag - Don't let it touch the ground...
Hold the Fag - Hold him real tightly too!
Salute the Flag - You are a MAN scout now!
Salute the Fag - I feel sorry for you man, a gaywad for a sergeant.
Rambomatch - Hey wait, no one ever told me we'd be fighting John Rambo.
Infiltration - The Red/Alpha/Liberal/Democrat team must capture the black fag and take it to the white fag, the Blue/Bravo/Conservative/Republican team must defend the black fag from the Red/Alpha/Liberal/Democrat team from meeting the white fag. Every 5 seconds that the Blue/Bravo/Conservative/Republican team has the black fag, they earn 1 vote towards "what's right for America", every time the Red/Alpha/Liberal/Democrat takes the black fag to the white fag, they earn 30 seconds of seeing the black fag burn into the white fag.
There are still many glitches to Infiltration:
1. Michael got the colors and political parties screwed up
2. The gamemode is not racist enough
Realistic Mode - A mode meant to simulate real combat *boom* wait, this is real combat!
Survival Mode - In this game mode, you only have one life and...wait a minute...isn't that a 1UP mushroom?
Advance Mode - You must earn kills to earn weapons like the... hey! that guy just dropped some desert eagles! sweet!
[edit] Thoughtful Improvements in Soldat
2!!! - Soldat becomes mandatory part of everyday life worldwide
1.9.9.9.9.9.9.9.9.9 - Soldat becomes 3D!!!
1.5.0b - Added IRC and flaming skulls so now Chuck Norris has come back because flaming skulls are epic. He also hacked in his personal Roundhouse kick gun to pwn some people. But since this is a beta, he just waits on one server whilest doing other things to go pwn a n00b who came on the server in one hit. And when Chuck Norris kicks your head off, he hears "You just got pwnt by Chuck Norris"
1.4.2. - The third version that is beyond 1.3.37!!!
1.4.1 - Still missed it...
1.4.0 - DANGIT! We missed it!
1.3.1 - Just 36 more versions!
1.3 - No improvements, Michal is aiming for the 1.3.37 version.
1.2.1 - r/s was created, which stands for retarded shit.
1.2.0 - ah shit someone decided to play soldat again. Because no one played soldat anymore until now, the last 2 versions were just filled with Hentai maps and bots who kept quoting Chuck Norris jokes.
1.1.5 - still forgeting
1.1.4 - No one cared, and everyone forgot it entirely.
1.1.45 - bugfix, BUGFIX? why not use raid?
1.1.3 - fucking emos
1.1.35 - avarax's fucking name is on everything
1.1.2 - still emo
1.1.15 - Bonzi Buddy added as playable character.
1.1.1 - People kept calling Soldat a pile of laggy shit, in a shitty comeback the creator didn't let anyone play this version and ran off to his mom's room and went into emo mode, yah that will teach us..
1.1.0 - No one could say Heil Hitler unless you wore the Swastika.
1.2/3.5 - Blocks the kitten huffing hack.
23 - Added the Swastika
42 - a playable mode was created
abc - guns were added
.1.24. - The dialogue "eh' my cunt pie" which was said every time a soldat's testicles were blown was removed due to that fact that the only 3 girl members found this annoying . Michal and every other single male didn't want to scare away their saucy cyber friends. Probably cause they have no life fwahaha.
1.0.0z - Chuck Norris has been taken out as an optional soldat character.
0.9.sss - more lag
0.dg - rocks
L.0.1 - lag
0.0.0 - Soldat did not exist, we all just played pong.
[edit] Mods
Trenchwars - You are supposed to haul ass on foot and shoot holes into the enemy for the tiny little armrest space.
Tactical Trenchwars - Same as above, but now you have to type things instead of shoot things.
Hexer - an RPG mod made for Soldat. This makes Soldat suck even more since Runescape + Soldat = well... let's just say it isn't pretty.
Miracle Mod - same as above, although it isn't much of a miracle
IMod - WTFISTHIS??!?!?!?!
Dodgeball - Your everyday 2d dodgeball, with knives...
Volleyball - Whatever you do, do not let the ball touch the ground.
Basketball - They substituted the shot clock for a 2 second death timer, and the basketball for a knife, don't let the ball hit your head.
Ninja - You must wear black clothes and be black so you are not seen, so only niggas allowed.
Climb - involves injuring killing yourself without the fall
SkiJump - I'm gonna make it! I'm gonna make it! I'm gonna ......
Zombie - You are the last survivor, and all you have is an AK-47, you must fight your way through 10 zombies, all with chainsaws, and unlimited respawns
Zombie Survival - normal zombies, invisible zombies, exploding zombies, and more zombies. New additions include: Store, money, hacks, exploding zombies, hacks, boss zombies, did I mention hacks?
Law Catch - "Hey son, you wanna play catch with this rocket here?"
Knife Only - you reach for your gun, and then find that you don't have it, you start shouting; "wheres ma gun, WHERES MA GU... ooohhh, muffins!!!"
King of the Hill - Same as Trenchwars, except your fighting against other men for the two hills(if you know what i mean).
Snipe and Slice - Gun vs Knives, it's obvious who wins.
Saw and Law - Rockets vs Knives, still obvious
One Shots - You spawn with only one bullet, now that sucks
[edit] This Stuff Elsewhere
- http://soldat.pl - Where it came from
- http://soldatforums.com - People who care
- http://mm.soldat.pl - The guy who made the stuff that the people care about
