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The sock-people are much like the people of Denmark, varying only slightly in that they are comprised entirely of socks and are significantly more evil than their Danish cousins. Not to be confused with sock monkeys, the sock-people exhibit several distinctly more human traits, differentiating them from their more primitive relatives:
- Sock-People stand 1-1.5 metres in height. (much taller than the common sock monkey)
- They eat the flesh of human babies, George Orwell, and other acclaimed authors.
- While born without bones much like the common sock monkey, they consume large amounts of cutlery during their formative stages, endowing them with cool stainless steel skeletons.
- They promote the dastardly cotton agenda.
- A common pastime for these Sock-People is viewing still photographs of Greg Kinnear, the renowned inventor of the telephone.
The first Human to Sock-Person Interaction
The sock-people were first discovered by the notable North Korean Bob McJobs during a Lemur hunt on the outer Hebrides in Summer of 1801. The first few hours of Sock-People/Human interaction showed promise, the expedition laughed and played with their newfound textile friends. But it was not to last.
The leader of the Sock Tribe, the great Shaman Socky, made a chilling observation. Bob's entire party was wearing socks.
Outraged by the skins of their brothers being used as foot apparel the Hebridian Sock Tribe incased the entire expedition party in Hydrogen Sulphate and strung them around the neck of a giant seamonster who has asked to remain nameless.
The seeds were sewn, and to this day the sock people and mankind are the mortalist..ist of enemies.
The only trait that the Sock-People ever learned from People is binge drinking. Although they try to suppress it, holidays always bring out the binge drinking Sock-Person inside everyone.
The Arsenal of 23 and a half things
The sock people's deterrent. The 23.5 Arsenal acts as a deterrent to all of mankind, who would surely wipe out the sock people were it not for mutually assured destruction. The Sock-People guard the arsenal of 23.5 things with their lives, it's secrets blacker and more unattainable than something truly very black and unattainable.
The Arsenal Consists of:
- The Sock-People themselves, as they are formidable warriors.
- Domesticated Sock-Monkeys who have been infected with AIDS.
- All our Star Wars guys held hostage.
- Knowledge of the Deadly Sonic Arts.
- One Hydrogen Bomb (59 Megatons) named Phillip.
- Two Romulan Battlecruisers in disrepair.
- My own evil twin, Farouk.
- The most upsetting sarcasm the world could know.
- Dean, a Sock-Person reportedly "totally unstoppable at Goldeneye 64."
- Jackie Chan (actually a well-disguised Sock-Person)
- Pictures of you in college that time you were "experimenting" with Dave, the guy with soft hands.
- Ted Turner.
- A defensive alliance with the Decepticons.
- Thier way cool steel skeletons.
- Some guns?
- The U.S.S. Redundant
- A Danish Cartoon depicting Mohammed, Moses and some character named Jesus.
- The world's largest reserves of Fusion Kittens.
- Metal Gear
- The ability to make people's heads explode, like in that movie... scanners. Yeah.. awesome.
- The Necronomicon.
- The key to true happiness.
- A list of things at least this long.
- Partial Weapon = Creepy Button Eyes