Sociology
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Sociology is a cult based around the intellectual pseudoscience of studying society. Originally popular with old bearded men who smoke pipes whilst reclining in arm-chairs, it has now managed to find a younger generation of converts thanks to its curricular introduction into sixth-form colleges and universites. Synonymous with Scientology, Sociology uses various methods of empirical investigation and critical analysis to develop and refine a body of knowledge and theory about human social activity. In short, once human activity is understood, its negative aspects can be better controlled and reformed.
Sociology's 1st belief (derived from Algebraic philosophy) is that for every bearded intellectual who expresses his opinion, there will always be another bearded intellectual who expresses the opposite. And a bearded intellectual who expresses an opinion in between the first two.
Sociology's 2nd belief is that these opinions actually make a difference.
Contents |
History
Origins
It is a point of contention among Sociologists as to which came first; the beard or the cult of sociology? This dilemma has been proven wrong on both sides, as it was in fact "pointless complaining" that preceded either. Possibly, the aimless ramblings of a caveman could be considered the first instance of sociological musings. Since then, we have developed our tools and language skills to heighten our fondness for complaining about society.
The word sociology (or "sociologie") is derived from the Latin: socius, "companion"; and -ology, "the study of", resulting in "the study of companionship". This should not be construed as the study of prostitution, although many Sociologists have accidentally crossed that boundary, some of which are detailed later.
It was first coined in 1780 by the French essayist Emmanuel Joseph Sieyès (1748–1836) in an unpublished manuscript. Sadly, he did not bother to specify what it was actually about, and so the human race had to wait 50 years before the philosopher, Auguste Comte (1798–1857), in 1838, would develop it further.
Comte had earlier used the term "social physics", but that had subsequently been plagiarised for other purposes, most notably by the Belgian statistician Adolphe Quetelet. Comte endeavoured to unify history, psychology and economics into a broad and seemingly limitless waste of time.
Writing shortly after the malaise of the French Revolution, he proposed that social ills could be remedied through sociological positivism, an epistemological approach outlined in The Course in Positive Philosophy (1830–1842) and A General View of Positivism (1844).
Comte believed a positivist stage would mark the final era, after conjectural theological and metaphysical phases, in the progression of human understanding. Of course, these big, confusing, multisyllabic words meant nothing and only served to cover up his failures in founding this cult.
Foundations of the academic discipline
Though Comte is generally regarded as the "Father of Sociology", the academic cult was formally established by another French thinker, Émile Durkheim. Durkheim set up the first European church of sociology at the University of Bordeaux in 1895, publishing his Rules of the Sociological Method. Durkheim's seminal monograph, Suicide (1897), a case study of suicide rates amongst Catholic and Protestant populations, distinguished sociological analysis from other pointless cults like psychology or philosophy. It also marked a major contribution to the concept of inconsequential bullshit.
The American Journal of Sociology was founded in 1895, followed by the American Sociological Association (ASA) in 1905. The eve of modernity brought forth a wave of subjects that the intellectuals could rabble over, such as industrialization (factories), urbanization (pavements), secularization (being too lazy to get up for church), and a perceived process of enveloping rationalization (intellectual conversation?).
Thanks to the three principal architects and bearded intellectuals, Durkheim, Karl Marx and Weber, the cult would finally gain its tax-exempt status, and eventually reach the common acceptance and retention rates that Scientology still jealously strives for today.
Positivism vs Anti-Positivism
Positivism is a sociological perspective based on the assumption that the only authentic knowledge is scientific knowledge, and that such knowledge can come only from positive affirmation of theories through strict scientific and quantitative methods. Judging solely upon the name, one would assume that Positivism would mean something similar to "optimistic sociology", but no. Bearded intellectuals would once again decide to prove their worth and all-round betterness by giving this perspective a highly irrelevant and misleading title.
Sociology spreads
During the end of the XIX century it was noticed that only a small amount of people consider sociology funny, and it was hoped that those people will die of old age soon and the whole thing will get forgotten. Unfortunately, the sociologists themselves noticed that something's not right, and that their numbers were shrinking day by day. Thus they engaged an aggressive plan of breeding called the Heideger Programme. Children were raised in facilities and they were taught about sociology all throughout childhood. In 20 years, millions of sociologists were roaming the world, looking to find people who would listen to them. The rest of the world decided there was no other choice left, and started the Great War in an effort to kill all the sociologists.
After millions of deaths, in 1918 it was believed that sociology was finally rooted out, and the war efforts can be halted. What they didn't know was that most sociologosists were living in caves as part of a prank, and didn't even notice everyone was out to get them. The world was shocked in horror when in 1919 they began coming out of the caves. They couldn't restart the war effort, since 3/4 of the world's population died in Spanish bird flu earier that year.
One of the best known representatives of the new generation of sociologists were Georges Gurvitch and Lenin Stalin. These two authors excelled in writing jokes to each other. One of the most famous was by Stalin to Gurvitch, called How to dysorganize a functional socio-matic prototype in three steps:
I disagree with your theory that christianity is submitting to the government. It is not submission if you want to submit. Just ask my wife (haha). I do, however, congratulate on the suberb equivallence you made between art and the material world, and hope you will "push" it further (wink, wink).
Shortly after the second world war, WW2, a group of French faggots, lol, took over the legacy of German sociology. Because homosexuals can not agree on anything, the basic theory developed in three different directions, which all discusses how human action can be explained: 1) All human actions are controlled by the almighty God, who created society and all humans (Claude Lévi-Strauss) Quotes from Lévi-Strauss:
" Les tous les controlles puissants de Dieu il tout. " "Excepté quand les gens dorment avec des moutons!" "(In english:) The all mighty God controlles it all," "except when people sleep with sheep!
2) All human actions are dictated by a little pixie inside your brain (Sartre) Quotes from Sartre:
"Non, non, non ! Écoutez NIGGERS vers le haut de... " "Il y a un un petit lutin à l'intérieur de votre " "cerveau qui indiquent ce que vous devriez faire."
3) And all human actions are controlled by your social heritage. (Bourdieu) Quotes from Bourdeiu:
"(American translation) If your mother was a crack-whore." "Your mothers-mother was a crack-whore. " "And your mothers-mothers-mother was a crack-whore" " - there's a pretty good chance that YOU also are a crack-whore!"
CRISIS! in Sociology
Sociology is struggling with not being a unified field of study.
CAUSES:
1) In part this is due to Comte's statement that 'sociologie will explain the course of human history'. To which sociologists ever since have replied "WTF?!?!" This has been called the "SHE's SO HEAVY" problem by John Lennon.
2) Many place blame upon the fact that many sociologists don't want to engage in a scientific debate. Many Sociologists would rather issue edicts, rather than test their hypotheses versus those of their detractors. This has been called the "I'm smarter than you are" phenomenon.
3) Also seen as a central problem is the inability to jettison old theories that don't really work. Marx's "Labor theory of Value" is commonly taught in sociology classes, though it is empirically false. Similarly Marx's "Theory of Revolutions" is still taught, though a revolution has never occurred in the manner Marx described. Marxist apologists claim that you can't prove him wrong because it has not yet happened. This however returns us to the "I'm smarter than you are" phenomenon and also completely throws science out the window (falsifiability, anyone?). Many reformers in the discipline are criticized for "making my head hurt" or being "too sciencetific".
Branches of Sociology
Sociology developed numerous branches that specialized in their own way of inventing completely unfunny jokes. The most famous are:
- Dysfunctionology - everything is explained with sentences like "it doesn't work because", "this dysfunction is caused by" and the word "erection"
- Conflictism - sociologists of this branch think it's funny to offend people. They say things like "You're poor? Haha, that's because you're ugly!"
- Unnaturalism - they mostly talk about sexual positions that are difficult to imagine by normal people; mostly Germans and Japanese in this group
- Devolutionsm - these people firmly believe that humans will one day turn into apple trees, so they make funny gardens to make the future generations laugh. Sometimes these gardens get trashed by followers of conflictism, in an effort to cause conflict
- Nonmodernism - these are the people who feel confused about living somewhere in time. Their conception of society rests in living in a peanut, an eggplant, or a pint of beer.
- Elitists - these people want to maintain the pure principles of the original sociology, and they talk in extremely complicated ways so no one would understand them. They still maintain a breeding programme
Quotes from famous Sociologists
“You don't need to know biology to know the mind.”
“The psychology of every other animal on earth is permeated with adaptive mechanisms, making them evil communist slaves. But luckily as it happens, we're completely different”
“After years of study, I've come to one conclusion: I just really fucking hate people”
See also
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