Soad

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System Of A Down is a speed metal band who have decided to conquer the Antartic and free the polar bears. The band is made up of five individuals: Serj Tankian, Daron Malakian, Shavo Odadjian, John Dolmayan and R.O.C.K. (Robotic Oval Computer Kiwi)who writes all the music, lyrics and plays all the instruments. The latter is from the planet earth, but the other four are aliens from the planet "Armenia". (NASA has still been unable to locate it.) Their fans tend to be a bunch of weirdos, who can't decide whether or not yellow is the coolest colour.

[edit] Foundation

SOAD is an Armenian speed metal band that was founded in Armenia in 1914 by Serj Tankian, Daron Malakian, Shavo Odjian and John Dolmayan, who were hired by R.O.C.K. to attract fans. they are crazy sensible individuals who are anti-drugs, pro-Bush and often bring back grass from their home planet. Luckily, their home planet, Armenia, had the technology to teach them English. After they learned English (3 months later), SOAD began to play in Bobby Salazar's Bar and Grill restaurants around the world. Once believed as a urban myth, Daron Malakian actually first had Whoopie Goldburg try out as lead vocalist butt due to management problems she was replaced by Serj Tankian (Daron's Uncle's special friend).

[edit] Early days

In the early days the band was trying to find the original musical path so they were changing a lot of styles, from opera, polka and ska to what they became today - speed metal.

[edit] Members

The list of people who played in this band and then continued their musical careers far away from SOAD is pretty huge. The main reason why they were leaving SOAD is the constant and painful headache that was hitting every person who :

• ...doesn't play/like/listen to speed metal.
• ...is not Armenian .
• ...doesn't know where Armenia is . It's not unusual .
• ...is afraid of guys with big brows and beards that speak an unspeakable language and live in a country that is NOT showed on common world maps .
• ...is afraid of big and loud speakers and amplifying systems .
• ...is not a communist .

• Serj Tankian

One of world's best technique-of-singing-that-is-very-similar-to-the-combination-of-bear-roaring-eating-rabbits-sounds-and-playing-with-dead-fingers-doer . Shortened - an TOSTIVSTTCOBRERSAPWDFdoer . Not to be confused with singing.

You'll notice him as the guy with afro hair that is punching invisible targets with one hand while holding the microphone with the other one . still, many women (and some men), find him quite a turn-on, i.e. sexy.

• Daron Malakian

One of Armenia's best players of a traditional instrument called Kokkanhür . The Kokkanhür is known as the divine instrument, according to the musical expert dr.Somebodyian . Daron Malakian calls his instrument Cock, as an abbreviation of the complicated old Armenian term .

You'll notice him as the guy that is holding something really colourful and possibly dangerous (his Cock-instrument) and spinning all around the stage, vibrating at high frequencies and releasing scary sounds. Not to be confused with singing . Entertains his fans by causing pain to himself when he stage dives. He is also very sexy.

• John Dolmayan

Almost nothing is known about him, except that he plays booms . Some say he is a robot. The theory is completely pointless, because the facts that he was never heard speaking and that his face can't get an expression different from the DUH!? face even if he is burning alive while fighting a random horror monster - can't prove anything . Besides, as afore mentiones HE IS AN ARMENIAN ALIEN and very sexy.

You'll notice him as the guy that is wearing a smoking even at +40°C while his companions jump around the stage wearing just cowboy boots, bunny ears and hand-gloves.

• Shavo Odadjian

One of Armenia's best players of spike-bracelets. He has self-injuring tendencies, so he kicks his LongSpikeSuperPower2300XT OMGedition spike bracelet really hard. He often uses telekinesis to play at high speed. In freetime he works as a DJ - (Damned Jew), or he plays with his videocamera from 1908 and then claims that he IS a video director for many popular bands. He is currently working with RZA form The Wu-Tang Clan.

You'll notice him as the guy without hair, with a beard 12 feet long, and the constant "stoned" look, (which makes him look very sexy).