Snooping

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

“Snooping as usual I see!”

~ Doctor Robotnik on Snooping as usual

“Rhot? Rhot? Rhi runno rhbout Snoopy-Rhoo!! Rhee-hee-hee...”

~ Scooby-Doo on Snoopy-Doo

Snooping is an ancient art form. It first developed in Ancient Greece when philosophers discovered their neighbours had interesting lives and they did not. Snooping is thought to have been the cause of the Second Peloponnesian War, as well as the great Plague of Africa, which is why we now today have such people as "Snoop Dogg". It was taught by Plato as one of the Five Noble Truths and was continued to be taught within the major schools of philosophy until the first centuries of the current era.

[edit] Origins of the Word

Snooping is derived from the German word schnooben, invented by Hitler in 1927. Schnooben translates roughly into 'watching your neighbours to see if they are being un-German' and was brought to America and England by German spies just prior to the end of WWII. As they had no way of returning to their homeland, the spies gave up faking accents and dropped back into their native German ones. This led to certain German words becomming part of slang. In England, during the Great Witch-Hunt of the 1930s schnooben was incorperated as the word 'snooping' we know and love today. In America, however, schnooben took a different path and was transformed into slang meaning 'I sleep where I can see my neighbours'. Thus, the cartoon character of Snoop Dogg - I mean, Snoopy the Dog was designed to always be in a position to see what everybody was doing, even when he was asleep: on top of his kennel.

[edit] The Art of Snooping

Snooping is an art form, and has a whole course dedicated to it at Yale. There are some basic pointers involved in snooping.

Do

Go through their garbage.
Tap their phone lines.
Hack into their email accounts.
Set up surveillance equipment.
Deploy an undercover agent.
Play tricks on them after you tap their line
A surefire way to achieve excellence in your snooping is to copy the actions of world renowned lurker Sean Dennis McGonagle.
Hire a ninja (and not a mexican one)

Don’t

Get arrested.
Spend all your savings.
Let anyone know you do this.
Forget to eat.
Abandon work entirely.
Get scared and crap yourself
run out in the open with your shirt off
Ask your mom to buy you binoculars

Also, don't let people snoop on you because if you do, your secrecy of you being Jewish is over. Make sure you have a steady supply of bullets and guns by your bed.

This may also be known as stalking, although everyone knows that they are completely different

[edit] Famous Snoopers

The most famous of snoopers goes by the name of Snoop Dogg. His real name is Bradley Jefferson, a resident of the community of Compton. He has had some memorable people that he has snooped i.e. Bill Clinton. Bradley once said he saw Bill doing some guy in the ass (whick we found out later that it was Hillary Clinton... his husband) Other famous snoopers include:

Snoopy-Doo
Snoopy (made famous in Cheers, and later Penuts)
Yo momma
That creepy guy that works in the Ladies Underwear section of Target

[edit] The Revolution of Snooping

Snooping was revolutionised by the short-lived American 1950s cartoon 'Snoopy-Doo'. In it, the unadventurous lap-dog Snoopy-Doo (so named because of the binoculars perched in her hair) would dress up in ridiculously high heels, clean, smoke, annoy the crap out of her other house-dog neighbours and solve mysteries. All of this was done in time to feed her children and kiss her accountant husband hello before he retired to the sitting room to drink whisky on the rocks and read the paper. Snoopy-Doo was axed after the channel thought that it would give women the wrong idea - to be intelligent and independant. As it were, they were right, and Snoopy-Doo is taught today to students of the First Wave of Feminism as one of the leading causes of the Hippie Movement and women's independance.