Smurfette
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“Blue Boobies”
~ The Todd on Smurfette
“Don't you mean "Bloobies"?”
~ Red Smurf on The Todd
“I'd Tap Dat”
~ Elmer Fudd on Smurfette
“Papa Smurf, can I lick your ass?”
~ Smurfette on Smurfette
Smurfette, a blue skinned merkin of dubious morality, can frequently be found in the company of smurfs. Much has been made of the smurfs' dependence on smurfette for the continuance of their race, but scholars of woodland ecology maintain that this is merely a twisted example of cuckoldry. She is in fact an elaborate practical joke staged by the sylvan community at the expense of smurfkind and their despotic ruler Papa Smurf. Smurfette has been planted there, probably at the urging of those fucking elves, to teach the blue-skinned vermin a lesson. One must remember that merkin and smurfs are wholly different species. While a merkin painted blue may bear a passing resemblance to a smurf, it's not the real thing and will never carry a smurfling to term. Nobody really understands what the woodland community have against smurfs, but the depth of their feeling suggests that whatever the smurfs did, it was pretty dire. No doubt, the squalid affair will be publicised one day, but not here. Oh no.
While Smurfette was originally intended to be the catalyst of smurf extinction, it has become clear that she may spell the end of more than one species. Indeed, Smurfette enjoys such popularity as an imaginary girlfriend that she may take a few other races down as well. In recent polls, she enjoys greater popularity amongst American teenagers than Avril Lavigne. Probably because she's more fun.
In 2010 she was featured on the controversial TBS I Spy showdown between George Bush and Saddam Hussein. Her presence ensured victory for Bush due to Saddam's color blindness.
