Smirnoff Vodka Distillery
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The Smirnoff Distillery is possibly the only good thing to come out of Russia apart from oil and explosives. Famous for distilling and bottling the alcohol beverage Vodka, Smirnoff has become a world-spread phenomenon conquering countries like GREAT Britain, USA, France (that one wasn't too hard, the French distillery owners fled at the first sign of competition) and Polskiland. In GREAT Britain and USA the product goes under the same name Smirnoff Vodka and in Polskiland it is marketed under the name Shmeernuff Wodka, however, in order to appeal to the delicate Parisians and French in general, Smirnoff Distillery decided to market a low-percentage version in France called Evian.
[edit] History
The Smirnoff Vodka Distillery was allegedly founded in Moscow, Russia during the 1860s by a supposed Russian, Piotr Smirnov. However, recent investigations show that the first Smirnoff Distillery was in fact founded in 1922 by Joseph Stalin (pronounced Mer-duh-russ Bar-stud) after a trip to the Underworld. Stalin thought it would be a great idea to create a drink that would inebriate his subjects so much that it would make it easier for his soldiers to dispose of them entirely.
During a minor event know as The Second World War, the distillery was hit by a giant flaming German who found a bottle of Vodka and, having mistaken it for water, just consumed the entire bottle before being hit by a shotgun blast igniting his innards and hurling him across the Russian landscape and into the Distillery. Stalin was said to have laughed saying "That's the only German who's going to get into Berlin!".
Stalin re-established the factory in 1951 in Upper Berlingrad. Four years later he moved to the Underworld (formerly Poland) and started to sell the Vodka under the contemporary Daemon spelling of the name, "Smirnoff". The new product was a success and by the end of 1952 it was exported to most European countries. An additional distillery was founded in USA later that year.
In 1953 Stalin died and the Smirnoff name was carried on by Satan who still owns the rights to Smirnoff to this day.
