Smallville

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“It is a ville that is small”

~ Captain Obvious on Smallville

“"You have no idea what I'm capable of~Lex Luthor" Superman? No, Smallville, and that's why I deserve a raise.”

~ Some guy from on The Office----

“Show us your tits!”

~ Random guy on Chloe Sullivan

“Should have made a show about me...”

~ Batman on Smallville

“Is there Kryptonite in your balls, Clark? Grow some!”

~ Chloe Sullivan

“My mansion's security sucks ass.”

~ Lex Luthor on Unauthorized entries into his office

“What's with Smallville? With the Small, and the Ville, and the Clark, and the Kent, and the superpowers, and the hot girl, and the meteors, and the bald guy...”

~ Bill Cosby on Smallville.

“It's dirty, it's bloody, and it's full of surprises. Wha? I was talking about my underwear, but the same goes for Smallville. ”

~ Larry King on Smallville

“Lex we'll be friends forever.... ”

~ Clark on Smallville epiosde: pilot

Clark Kent has super strength and speed, invulnerability, heat vision, ice breath, distressed stonewashed jeans, super breath and can probably fly. Who does he thinks he is? Superman? What a douche.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Smallville.

Smallville is a small ass town somewhere in Kansas (AKA. Cloverdale,B.C, in Canada) that no one cared about until a load of meteors full of green shit crashed right in the middle of it all. The town's average IQ is 53 and is populated entirely of hicks. People ended up learning that the green meteor rocks give them strange powers. There was one occasion where a baby was infected by the meteor rock and started farting poisonous gases that knocked out anyone within a five mile radius and gave many of the victims permanent strep throat. The Smallville high school is the only school in Smallville. There is a 47% survival rate for students. Some people also claim to have seen a space ship crash land with the meteor shower, but this has not been confirmed.

[edit] Mysterious Happenings

Ever since the Meteor Shower, lots of weird stuff started going down. For one, the town started to have an increase in mutants, something that usually only happens in Marvel Comics. It also seems that a solo hero has been doing his share of community service by kicking all of their asses. Apparently no one ever sees him. Must be super fast or something. Finally, all this usually happens near Clark Kent. He's an attention whore. I mean... look at that picture on the right. It SCREAMS attention whore. But it doesn't have anything to do with him. He's just a Mutant wearing tampons and spandex and a mask to cover up his ugliness. Anyone that see's him Clark claims that they must die so that he can save his mom and his barn

[edit] Home of Superman?

Clark Kent's cousin Brian, also known as Superpedo

One of the biggest rumors of this town is that it is the hometown of Superman. This leads people to believe that Superman is actually the hero of Smallville! This is unlikely however, seeing that Clark Kent is at nearly every incident, its impossible someone so cool would want to be anywhere near someone so lame.

[edit] Batman?

Batman began making guest appearances on Smallville in Season 6. However, like many DC Comics characters that have appeared on the show, his character was slightly modified. the Smallville version of Batman wears a green suit, and, instead of throwing Bat-Discs, he fires green arrows.

NO no, He is the one and only Green Arrow, Not a version of Batman at all, Green Arrow may not be the best known Superhero's he is established enough to of had plenty of his own comics and occasionally appear in the Justice League!

This green arrow has also aided Lana lang in kidnapping children and force feeding them a new steroid called KRIPTONITE and releasing them into the wild.

[edit] Places

There are only 12 places on which all the series develop:

• The barn on the Kent Farm
• The Kent's kitchen
• Smallville High
• Gopher hole
• Smallville's Hospital
• The office/billiard room of Lex's house
• The Local hardcore bondage strip club
• The Evil Luthor Lab
• The Daily Plant
• Winnie the pooh's lair
• Some old dudes Car
• a necrophedic playground

[edit] Typical Plot

Clark and his spandex clad friends, victoriously walking in slow motion after a long night of committing terrorist acts against Luthorcorp.

There are precisely eight types of plots that make up a Smallville episode. They are:

• Type 1: A crazy mutant appears at school, kidnaps and/or kills someone, but is captured or killed by Clark and his friends by the end of the episode.
• Type 2: Someone shoots Lex or Lionel Luthor.
• Type 3: One of the main characters gets possessed, exorcised, turned evil or otherwise experiences a change in personality; then snaps out of it, doesn't remember anything they did, and asks "What happened?" all innocently.
• Type 4: Clark Kent became evil because of red, black, pink, whatever color kryptonite except green.
• Type 5: Some of Clark friend goes to the hospital. Has a life threatening surgery, but at the end of the episode visits the Kent's Barn like nothing ever happened.
• Type 6: Pissed off mutant teenager escapes from one of Lex Luthor's projects and seeks revenge, Clark Kent sees nothing but good in the teen. They end up in a two mood fight and no one ever tells anyone about the stupid farm boy's secrets.
• Type 7: Clark learns of one of Lex's programs, such as a lab that develops advanced prostheticsand killing mutan children
• Type 8: Jonathan Kent falls into a coma. Sometimes there's a reason, sometimes there isn't.

Unfortunately for the writers, Plot Type 8 was rendered useless when Jonathan Kent finally decided to kick the bucket right after he beat the tar out of Lionel Luthor following Lionel's confession of his undying love for Clark. whoo whoo taged by jc devine

[edit] Crossover with Supernatural

It has been long rumored, but only recently revealed that Smallville will be crossing over with other CW series Supernatural. In an interview Supernatural creator Eric Kripke commented on the impending crossover quoting, "If I'm going down, I'm taking those assholes at Smallville with me." Not much is known about the plot other than Sam Winchester, and brother Dean Winchester, will travel to Smallville, in an attempt to investigate the strange occurrences there. Little else is known other than the Winchester brothers will mistake Clark for a demon, and subsequently kill him. It is also rumored that Sarah Michelle Gellar will guest star in the episode, reprising her role as Buffy Summers, in an attempt to make the episode even more needlessly crappy than the writers originally intended it.

[edit] Quotes

Chloe: Boy, Clark. It sure was a good thing you managed to get here split seconds before that bullet killed Jimmy through a plate glass window that would have shattered all over me and knocked me over onto Lois, breaking her neck and causing her to press that ENTER button which would have detonated that bomb attached to Lana that this week's insane meteor freak planted on her.

Clark: Yeah, I know! Crazy shit, huh?

Lois: Clark, how did your barn door just shoot out of the sky like that?

Clark: Uh, it was probably the wind. It does that sometimes.

Pete: Clark, help! I'm going to die!

Clark: Shut up, Pete. Where's Lana?

Lana: Clark, you have to help me! It hurts!

Clark: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! SHUT UP! WHERE'S LANA? WHERE IS SHE? I NEED TO SAVE HER!

[Clark goes insane]

Lex Luthor (after seeing Aquaman, Green Arrow, Cyborg, The Flash and Superman): So, where's Batman?

Green Arrow: Shhh! Shut up, Michael! Do you want to get our asses sued?

Lana Stop lying to me. I can handle it. I'm not a little girl anymore. I'm beautiful, smart and determined. And oh, by the way, MY PARENTS ARE DEAD.

Lex Luthor (to Clark): What, no reach around?

Lana (to Clark in bed): Maybe next time you'll put your cock in my vertical smile?

Clark: Hello Lex.

Lex Luthor: Clark what's happening?

Clark: Lex, I just heard that a man died of a heart attack somewhere in Cambodia. Did you have anything to do with this?

Lex Luthor: Um... No?

Clark: I'm on to you, Lex!

[Clark walks away, glaring at Lex suspiciously]

[Clark walks into Lex's office]

Clark: Lex! I just found out something strange.

Lex Luthor: What is it now, Clark?

Clark: Both the Jews and the Romans say that they didn't crucify Jesus Christ.

Lex Luthor: Yeah, so what?

Clark: Quit playing games, Lex. I know you're the one behind this. Admit it, you killed Jesus!

Lex Luthor: ... Get the fuck out of my office, you moron.

Clark: This isn't over. You won't get away with this.

[Stalks out in an angry fashion]

Clark Kent: Well Lois now you know my secret.

Lois Lane: I'm the first one that you've told?

Clark Kent: Yes, well except for Chloe, Lana, Lex, Oliver, Pete, Arthur, Bart, Victor,zahraa, My mom, Dinah, Kara, Andrea, Javier, John Jones, Kyle Tippet, Mother Goose, Kevin Grady, Jordan Cross, Santa Claus, My dog Shelby, Linda Lake, Milton Fine, Curtis Knox, Ian Randall, Eric Summers, Eric Marsh, Justin Gaines, Rachel Dunleavy,Yoda, Jeff Palmer,Edward Cullen, Jonás Pizano, Doomsday, Ben Myers, Michael Moore, Bette, Geoff Johns, Seth, Tim Wescott, Jed McNally, Rokk, Imra, Garth, Byron, Jeremy Creek, Sarah Conroy, Sarah Conners, Isobelle, Dawn Stiles, Nam-ek, Aethyr, Zod, Pierce, Grahm, Gloria, Wes Keenan, The Wax Guy, Billy the Puppet, Jed McNally, Sebastian Kane, Madelyn, Barak Obama, Rush Limbah, Sasha Woodman, Van McNulty, Virgil Swann, that kid from the bar, the Chinese Government, Lindsey Harrison, Garth, Paul Newman, Richard Nixon, Kyla Willowbrook, Kevin Grady, Gina, Jeremy Creek, Ben Myers, Ben Affleck, The bald guy from Lost, Tess, Titan, Bridgett Crosby, Isobelle, Trent, Sephiroth, John Jones, Justin Gaines, Coach Walt Arnold, every meteor freak in town, a shit load of FBI agents, and just about every person in Kanas, Wyoming, Arizona, and Texas.

Lois Lane: Busy morning huh?

Clark Kent: Actually most of these people have known since the first season.

Lois Lane: Ok, I get it Clark, I'm always the last one to know.

Clark Kent: Wait, I didn't get to finish, there's also, Batman, Mr. Krabs, Zorro, Daxter, Alicia Baker, Raya, Jor-el, Kyla, Rachel, Justin, John, Prof. Joseph Willowbrook, My Penis...

[Lois walks off]