Smörgåsbord

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SwedishChef

Lovely svenska köttbullar, yust for you!

Smörgåsbord is a word that has come to mean a wide variety of things. Such as a wide variety of things, a wide variety of categories or a wide variety of choices; or things like that.

edit Etymology

Smörgåsbord is derived from ancient Norse. In the first and second centuries, during the rise of First Wave feminism, men often uttered exclamations such as 'smörg' and 'åsbord' — having just beheld an åbundance of fööd, or, synonymously, the large posterior of a woman.

Just as one now might chance to hear such expletives as 'poppycock' or 'fiddlesticks' being exclaimed as a natural, innate reaction to injury, so too did the men of old, barely able to articulate, spew out random noises in reaction to what some rappers today, with no regard for manners or general gentlemanly linguistics, would call 'a rotund rear', or what Adam Richman would call 'an average-sized burger weighing in at 3½ pounds.' Or junk-in-the-trunk; there is a veritable smörgåsbord of euphemisms. Any of these random exclamations soon became intrinsically tied with big hunks of meat, whether dead or alive, hence the modern use of the term.

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It was much later that Master Chef James Barf used the term on a culinary offering, adapting the off-color Norse expletive to describe a big-ass meal.

edit How to put on a smörgåsbord

To conduct a smörgåsbord of your own, note the navigation box at the bottom of this article. Cook up one of each of the items.

  • If someone should add Smörgåsbord itself to the navigation box, do not interpret this as recursive, or a command to start over from the beginning.
  • That is a lot of dishes, and you might get your friends to help you. But it is inadvisable to call for 'pot luck,' as pot is illegal in a lot of jurisdictions.

This provides that there will be something that everyone wants to eat. Until it runs out, but this is self-correcting by having those guests leave.

edit Smörgåsbord and julbord

A typical Swedish smörgåsbord contains both hot and cold items, but it is customary to begin with cold fish, especially raw lutefisk that has sat on the windowsill for a couple days. This is followed by other cold dishes, hot dishes (by which time they have become cold), and then dessert. This is part of the shrewd Swedish custom of making as many guests flee to the toilet or leave entirely before bringing on the really good stuff.

edit See also

Pupuplatter
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