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“Stupid North America and their sledding...”
“In Russia, sled slide on YOU!”
“Hey, who's the new kid?”
The sled is a device that when powered by a Pentuim 4 Procceser, will tilt the gravity around the sled until it is propelled forward by the tiled gravity field. Invented by K-*cough* in 19-*cough, cough*, it was not widely used then because of it's slipperiness. Most people were wusses back then, only having the courage to go on a hill at 0.28.462 mph using sandpaper. Then came along Oscar Wilde, a guy with a lot of nerve. He used a sled to slide down Mt. Everest shortly before breaking his skull, both kidneys, and a McDonald's sign. But then the on-looking crowd saw that all that a large group of
women had started comforting him, serving hot chocolate to him, and paying for his cable TV. Thus this common knowledge was developed: " Women like tough guys. Tough guys can survive injuries. So injuries= women"
edit Variations of the sled
edit How to use a sled
Sleds are one of the most fragile pieces of equipment, so make sure you give them a pre-beatdown before you first run. If your sledding by yourself or with friends, make sure to always bring the following necessities:
- video camera
- giant battery-powered fan
- a stick of butter(to make the sled work on those rocky patches)
- jet engines(four-six 727-class engines will do)
- elbow grease(to grease your elbows to reduce ground burn when you brake with them)
- A nerd(hey, there's plenty to go around)
- anti-yeti/Fox News repellent
Also, make sure not to bring a helmet, cause that will decrease aerodynamic efficiency of your body by 24%.
edit HowTo: Go Sledding
- (Redirected from sledding)
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Now if you have your safety belt locked in position, your coat properly zipped, here are the instructions of how to sled properly.
- Step 1. Scout the surrounding area for a suitable sledding location.(snow's for wimps, look for a pile of sand, recycled tires, something not that slippery)
- Step 2. Return to base and acquire a sledding device.(if you haven't already got one, now is the time to get one. Buy, or better yet, "borrow" your neighbors/boss' device)
- Step 3. Re-locate your sledding area.(bring your shotgun, someone may be mooching your territory)
- Step 4. Place your sledding device on the ground in front of the desired area.
- Step 5. Sit on your sledding device, facing left of the desired area.(this is to counter turbulence in the later steps)
- Step 6. Power up the gravity-field matrix, the hidden switch located right behind the hula dancer calender.
- Step 7. Stick the included Velcro strips to your hands/gloves.
- Step 8. Ease in on the gas peddle.
- Step 9. By this time, your sledding device should seem to move forward. This is just a side effect. In about 15 seconds, you will break the sub-sound barrier. The pre-mentioned turbulence should now turn you right, and you'll be facing forward.
- Step 10. If you haven't chickened out by now, you will now find yourself "sledding". This is the end of the tutorial. If you wish to stop sledding, refer to "HowTo: stop sledding" We and the Society of Refurbished "Star Wars" Characters (SaRupi-SWiCk) thank you for your purchase.