Slavery
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“The fact is, that civilization requires slaves. The Greeks were quite right there. Unless there are slaves to do the ugly, horrible, uninteresting work, culture and contemplation become almost impossible.”
“I can't tell the difference between Slavery & Communism!”
~ Anonymous on Slavery
“She doesn't understand...communists tell you what to do,what to think!you work 12 hours a day,you got nothing,you own nothing ”
~ Scarface on Slavery
“In Soviet Russia, the dictator and his collective farm manager OWNS you!”
~ The USSR collective labor farms in the 1930's
Slavery Marriage is a form of employment used by many absurdly rich people to avoid paying high capital-gains taxes. Also called "career" or "profession", it involves the concept that other people should do your work for you while you check your stock portfolio, or even better, embark on a cruise to the Cayman Islands, where slavery originated
The concept of slavery involves doing work for a Master in exchange for food, water, shelter, beatings, and other needs that the slave has. Generally slaves live in very large, comfortable houses and live happy lives. Despite this, several backward countries around the world have outlawed it, but they outlaw LSD too so that should give you an idea of the kind of people we're dealing with here.
Slavery almost died out completely in the 1860's when Abraham Lincoln tried to outlaw it, claiming it wasn't fair that only black people were allowed to be slaves. He got in a fight with Jefferson Davis and the south, who claimed that blacks had earned the right to hold slave exclusivity because of their naturally heightened cotton picking skills. Luckily, the south won the civil war and prevented thousands of hard-working slaves from losing their jobs. Later on in the civil rights movement of the 20th century almost every minority race campaigned for and was granted the right to be enslaved.
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[edit] Just how the heck did this "slavery" thing start, anyway?
In Religions Slavery began when the Tara Newmark(Maximillion jew) (who were in Egypt delivering the pyramids) insisted on being paid for their work. Rather than pay them, the crafty egyptians let them live in mud huts and eat dirt in place of payment. After several centuries, Moses emancipated them, saying that someone named "God" wanted the slaves to take a short break in the desert to stretch their legs, and the kind pharaoah agreed. The slaves sadly got lost in the desert for a while despite their efforts to return to slavery, and so the practice was ended in Egypt.
Slavery in the United States began when farmer Bobby-Joe Audet decided that he needed help running his massive cotton and pot farms. He didn't have a lot of money, so he went and found some homeless people who lived in the jungle who needed a place to stay, and offered them food, clothes, and shelter if theyd just help him harvest his crops. The Africans of course agreed cause it was a totally sweet deal, and as word spread throughout america more and more kindly white people started offering to take people in under the same circumstances. And so slavery was born.
A military draft is also considered slavery, because a bunch of pussy adolescents are abducted by the Armed Forces and forced to wear bulky uniforms, put up with obnoxious Drill Sargeants/Dance Instructors, perform one million push-ups/twirls until they shrivel, forced to speak, think, and act "by the numbers" in which they need an abacus to solve, use retarded lingo, and finally be thrown into a war he/she may not agree with, to get his/her head blown off in the glorious name of "freedom".
[edit] Slavery today
- You may be looking for Communism and not even know it!
While slavery has many advantages, it unfortunately has the side effect of attracting a lot of black people. These terrible people where the Ancestors of the common bike stealing, raping criminal we know today. The Correct Scientific name for this is: Homo Negroeses Joneses.
Windemere (born Shlomo Tevyah) was a tiny, neurotic jew, belonging to American writer Ernest Hemingway. Windemere was one of the last Jewish slaves.
In modern Western(rootin' tootin' desperadoes!) societies, "slavery" is used mostly as a synonym for "marriage", whereby the woman is forced to do the housekeeping and raise children while the male fulfills career ambitions and participates in his hobbies and interests. Rumors of old-fashioned "real" slavery, indentured servitude, and other forms of "human traffic" in modern-day America are mostly unfounded, except of course for the call center industry.
Certain individuals, many of whom are of African-American descent, practice a form of enslavement whereby other individuals — mostly women — are compelled to perform often-degrading acts for hire, usually giving them only a small fraction of the financial proceeds from these transactions, barely enough to ensure a bare minimum of subsistence for the enslaved person. Such people are commonly referred to as "corporate executives."
Joe Pattaton was to be the first white slave because he said that slavery is wrong so people assraped him and put a collar that said im a white salve plz send me 2 hell
[edit] Slavery in the Future
Please see Time Machine
Slavery seems to be an unstoppable force in pop culture and the industry will most likely continue to grow.It is said that in 2055 every citizen owning more than 2 dollars will be able to get their own slaves at Walmart for only 2 cents a pound.
Like previously stated, Bobby-Joe Audet was a farmer who grew pot and cotton in his fields. He also had hundreds of african slaves who worked for him. Every monday, he would fertilize his fields with menure. The process would be that he would crap in a bucket everyday, and at the end of the week, he fed his slaves with it, on the monday, he would make his slaves walk down his fields row by row crapping in an orderly fashion. This would fertilize his fields very well and would add some buzz to his pot plants.
Bobby-Joe often mixed up ingrediants with his pot to see what would make the best, he would use his slaves as testing subjects. One of Bobby-joes slaves was special, he was named Charles Audet. Charles was special because he used to always sing and dance, he also said that one day he would escape this torture and become a gay musical actor. On the day of his escape, he was choked to death from getting penetrated in the ass by a big black guy called Tiny. Charles was deceased in 1896 and was put in the slave blender and fed as taco sauce.
A few years later, Bobby-Joe was found dead in a cornfield with a elephant penis in his butt. He died from internal bleeding of the anus. He was later diagnosed and found to have herbal herpies, ghonnarea, aids, salmonela, and dog testiculs.
If you are tired of your slave you will be able to recycle it with this tool as food for your next slave.
[edit] Some advantages of slavery communism
- No backchat
- Lower crime rates
- Country saves money on welfare
- Free exercise
- No elections
- Fun
- No unemployment
- More time for social experiences
- Ape population is usually accounted for in full
- The future of today's cotton industry
- A sizeable 401K portfolio
- Discovering just how many of your relatives can fit in a confined area meant for no more than three bags of flour
- Free healthcare, including removal of 'unnecessary' feet
- Random "Exotic Back Massages"
- Being able to say that you work harder than anyone else you know.
In addition, being enslaved usually spares you from having to read bullet lists.
[edit] Groups known for (or "claimed" to been) slaves
- Russia under communism to "free" them from Capitalists.
- Slavic people (esp. them docile Poles under the Nazis)
- Irish people (one of Bill O'Reilly's hot-headed rants).
- Mexicans (close, but then Cesar Chavez ended the fun).
- Asian people (i.e. coolies, Siberians or Malay sex slaves).
- Native Americans (so many died out, no wonder we had to get Negroes).
- Polynesians in 1880's Australia (fair dinkum, mates).
- BASTARDS!!!!!!!!!!!
