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“Skye Electra and that Hounouran of hers... I must research such power...”
“How joo make asplode?”
“The poor girl, give her a break! There is no chance that she was named after Carmen Electra! Then again, I was named after Oscar the Grouch...”
Skye Helene Henriette Delacourte Marie-Anne Electra is the very
lesbian tomboyish protagonist of SuperSkye, a game project that was claimed to be scrapped but most likely doesn't even exist. Like most things of Skaylian origin, she started out small, and her upbringing was somewhat dismal, but now it is no stretch to say that she is one of the most famous and influential figures in all of Skaylia, surpassed only by Helen Mirren. Although most say that she was born on Skaylia and lived there her entire life, the truth is actually far different, as she was originally from Earth. She was known for being able to use Hounouran, a power that, similarly to magic, allowed her to use cheat codes in real life, with a pair of incredibly hideous-looking but yet awesome bracelets. Her involvement in the war against Megacorp was one of the key reasons for the Skaylian victory.
Skye is currently married, has eighteen children, and lives on Skaylia. She likes her privacy, and has thus constructed a forty-foot high wall around her home. This is far from practical, but it keeps her from having to sign dozens of autographs every day- something anyone should be able to appreciate. Besides, this is almost needed, given that she has grown to a status of fame so high that even Ayn Rand sometimes mentions her in her personal narratives. Although it is still in question as to whether this is true, it is widely believed that SuperSkye, Skaylia, Skye Sweetnam, and the Isle of Skye were all named after her. Okay, maybe not all of these. But still, it's fun to think about it that way.
History: How Skye Got to Skaylia
Skye was born to Papa Smurf and a thirty-year-old woman named Mercia Lavigne, Smurf's thirtieth wife so far at the time. Skye was the only child of the couple (whose relationship did not last long). As soon as her mother, Mercia Lavigne, headed for the hills, Skye was left in the care of Papa Smurf. Only two at the time, she never knew her mother very well, except for some instances where she was caught spying on Papa Smurf as he sat in a ring of candles with a picture of her directly in front of her.
Skye was raised in a very strict environment. Papa Smurf was insistent in bringing up his daughter to be virtuous and nothing less. Were she to step out of line, Papa Smurf proceeded to escort her to the kitchen, where she would be slapped with a slice of pizza, which had no cheese. She was subsequently thrown into the fridge for up to three days, depending on the intensity of the crime she had committed. One day, however, Papa Smurf accidentally ate the pizza without realizing just what he had eaten. It then had to be replaced with a hot dog, which although made a better weapon due to the similarity of its dimensions to those of a truncheon, just did not feel the same in Papa Smurf's hands.
Skye's Escape and Life on the Streets
After fourteen years of bearing the pain of being raised by Papa Smurf, Skye packed up the few possessions she owned (a stale baguette from Panera, the handle of an old microwave, and two New Pornographers CD's) and ran away from home. She decided to change her last name from Smurf to Electra, because she liked the way it sounded. For a while, she lived alone on the streets, getting the food she needed by mugging random people and taking the snacks they carried. It should also be noted that, at this point, Papa Smurf had already moved on. He moved to a different city, began dating Miss Piggy's younger sister, Lisa, and had two children, Oscar and Grover.
After about a month of living this way, Skye soon found that living alone was simply not a good enough life for her. She hadn't spoken to a human being in weeks, and besides, all of the cops were after her. Soon, however, she managed to join a street gang, which was called the Pistol Pushers. Although she was considered a rookie and a newbie, she was able to quickly climb the rankings due to her unusual knack for committing crimes.
With the Pistol Pushers, Skye only succeeded in angering the police more. She helped the gang in a number of misdeeds, from robbing banks to smuggling drugs to arson. Skye soon found that she was especially good at mugging people, due to her ability to knock them out in a matter of seconds. It also soon became clear that she was remarkably good at bouncing a bouncy ball. She was not a normal girl.
Involvement with FBI
What Skye did not know was that the whole time she was committing crimes and doing weed with the Pistol Pushers, she was being watched. The FBI had caught on to the fact that she had unnatural abilities.
One morning, Skye found a small note inside the shopping cart in which she slept. It simply told her to go to the movie theater, where a pleasant discussion would take place over fruit smoothies and French fries (although, since that was that part of the world, they actually used the word frites). Skye, curious, as well as having high hopes of weed being on the other end, set off to the movie theater.
Sure enough, as soon as she got there, there was the FBI. There were no fruit smoothies, and no
French fries frites. No, no, wait! I know where you think this is going. But it's not. The FBI didn't drag Skye into the back of a van, to be questioned further and then thrown into jail. No, what the FBI wanted was to induct Skye into their ranks, to make her one of them. The original plan was to let Skye have a decision, but eventually this was abandoned, in fear that the probability of her saying no was too high. Instead, they dragged her into the back of a van and took her to jail the FBI headquarters.
Now, Skye did not like what was happening to her. She did not wish to be an FBI agent! In the back of the van, she began to draw out a plan, using a pink crayon that she had kept with her after finding it in the pocket of a little girl that she mugged. Slowly but surely, her plan of escape began to take shape.
As soon as they arrived at the FBI's top-secret headquarters, Skye was able to escape the watchful eyes of her captors by saying she needed to use the bathroom. The agents, dumb as they were, did not realize that the headquarters did not have a women's bathroom. Instead, where Skye was going was the teleporter room, a room which contained a top-secret teleportation device that the FBI had stolen from the Men In Black. Naturally, once activated, the teleporter took Skye to that nutty, rainbow-filled, fancy-schmancy planet Skaylia. It was there that the really interesting part of her life would begin...
Life on Skaylia and the Skaylian Resistance Force
On Skaylia, Skye soon decided to settle down. She bought a house in the peaceful country, in the midst of a very horsey neighborhood. Nobody paid mind to the fact that she was an alien from that mysterious planetoid E-4RTH, which the Skaylians still had some theories about harboring intergalactic superweapons. People just came to know her as "Miss Electra", or "Blue Chick". Her life was good.
However, there was still one problem. No money was coming in. She needed a job, and badly. Skye joined up with the Skaylian Resistance Force, an organization dedicated to resisting against the planet's threats. The organization was currently inactive, due to the fact that there was nothing to resist against. Therefore, no work needed to be done. But money still came in. Life was good.
Skye Gets Freakin' Awesome Powers and Becomes a Superhero
One day, however, a mysterious spacecraft came to Skaylia and abducted Skye. Inside the spaceship, a few of those aliens from Cowboys & Aliens strapped some strange-looking bracelets that glowed white and smelled of coffee onto her arms. They were then going to vivisect her, but unfortunately for them, Skye was a freakin' bad-ass. After finding that the bracelets gave her a strange power, called Hounouramajigger or something like that, Skye was able to destroy all of the aliens by hurling splodey light balls at them.
She escaped from the spaceship and went back to her home, after which she began to write a 23-page documentary on what had happened. She got it published, and it became a bestseller in most of Skaylia, as well as a small part of Canada. Many will argue that this, not the Megacorp Wars or being the protagonist of a video game, is the reason Skye has grown so famous on Skaylia, although that's just like asking whether Han or Greedo shot first. No one will ever know.
Involvement in the Megacorp Wars
Unfortunately, a few measly aliens were not the end of what was to come. After being destroyed by Skye, some of them went back to their home planet and cried to their big mommas. In about two years, they had come back- and it wasn't just aliens anymore. There were also huge killer robots, programmed to destroy all human life. Their leader was Zyclon, a robot who had a very troubling past into which we will not go into detail. There were also many brainwashed girls, who all happened to be named either Mae, May, Mai, or Alexis. They called themselves the Megacorporation, which was eventually shortened to Megacorp, for the sake of saving three syllables and considerably shortening the time it took to pronounce the word. It was a full-fledged alien invasion now.
The Skaylian Resistance Force, now finally with something to actually resist against, called for Skye's help. With her awesome splodey light powers, she was able to be a big help in the war. Here are a few of the most notable battles in which she took place.
Also- pssssst! This is the stuff that SuperSkye would later be made about, so remember those facts for when we get to that!
Battle for Ancient Lake
Skye fought in the Battle for Ancient Lake, which, as any common man could guess, took place at Ancient Lake (which was actually an ocean, but still ancient nonetheless). The Skaylian forces were far outnumbered in this battle, and it was very much uphill. A lot of those brainwashed Mae girls (who we should say aren't the smartest) were being constantly deployed from incoming aircraft. All they did was get shot by the SRF's laser guns, but they still kept them occupied. Also, since this battle was in the ocean, they had to tread water the whole time. This was quite taxing. But they won.
Battle of Yaam
The Battle of Yaam was a struggle between the Megacorp forces and the defenders of the colony on Yaam, a planet which is very dry. The colony was surrounded by a huge wall that the Megacorp forces could not get through. Eventually, they called in a huge missile strike and obliterated the wall, as well as about half of the colony. After that, it was only downhill from there. But that was only one battle, and Skye was only there for half of the time it was fought, so most historians agree that Megacorp's victory did not count.
Battle of Roseanne
Most people say that Roseanne is a planet that does not exist. Therefore, this battle probably never happened. But still, Skye was there, and there was much glorious splodiness.
Battle of Canada
No, no! It's not what you're thinking. We don't mean the hockey-loving, bacon-eating, Canuck Canada. We mean the city of Skaylia called Canada. Don't be too ashamed for getting them confused, though. You're not the first to do so. Anyway, the Battle of Canada was caused when Inara, one of those Mae girls (who was also a bad-ass), captured Canada's princess, Emmalisa deLauranna. Help was sought from captured-princess-expert Mario, and the princess was rescued easily.
However, there was still Inara to worry about. That was where Skye came in. She and Inara got into a very big fight, which took place in the Coliseum of Rome. This fight was filled with many large explosions, super-fast karate attacks, hadoukens, incredibly powerful combo moves, and brand-new finishing moves that no one had ever seen before. Eventually, Skye won the fight, after vaporizing Inara with her Final Shine Attack.
Skye, after the Megacorp Wars, went back to school at Skaylia's Kapitol University, where she studied to become a mathematician. She now professes as one, as a side-job to being in the Skaylian Resistance Force, which no longer resists anything but still gives her money. She has a somewhat large interest in spacecraft, and has recently bought her own starship, Luxio Gamma (whose name has no meaning; Skye just liked the way it sounded). She is still paying it off. Also, she also has a slight affinity for horses, but not as much as space. Did we mention the chick likes space and spaceships? She has become a strict vegan, more for a change in her lifestyle than anything else, and sometimes eats nothing but almonds in the course of one day. She enjoys rock and power-pop music, such as Phoenix and The New Pornographers, but sometimes listens to techno, mainly when she is flying in space. She has had sex thirty-seven times, with several different boyfriends, and actually just had the last of these yesterday. It was while she was in space. Oh, yes, she likes space, space, SPACE!
After all that time in the Megacorp Wars, it would only seem right for Skye would start getting to know a few of the hot guys around town. Her first boyfriend was Nestor Justinian Garrow (who just went by Nes), who also happened to be from Earth. He had come to Skaylia when, after considering his life back on Earth not cool enough, stowed away in a spaceship and came to Skaylia. He moved into the same neighborhood as Skye (who was now a very rich and well-known figure in Skaylia) did after the end of the Megacorp Wars, and they soon began dating. Their relationship lasted long, but unfortunately, it had to end eventually. They only had one child together, a daughter, whom they named Petra. Petra, although put up for adoption and raised by a couple of drunk lunatics, would eventually grow up to marry a wealthy rapper and become a very successful journalist.
Audrey le Beaux
Skye's second boyfriend was Audrey le Beaux, who was actually a fairy. It should be noted that since the vast majority of fairies are female, male fairies are always very hot bachelors. Only a girl like Skye Electra could ever manage to snap one up. Eventually, Skye and Audrey were married, and they had eighteen children together.
Skye, as mentioned before, had eighteen children with her husband, Audrey. Of all these children, some were fairies, some were humans, some were hybrids, and almost all of them were named Erin. When asked why, Skye simply said that "she liked the sound of the name." The most famous of these Erins would eventually migrate to Earth, where she would write many a book about talking cats.
Appearances in Media
That's My Space Captain, Skye!
This was a sitcom that aired on Skaylian TV for two seasons. It was horribly cheesy, but, then again, aren't all sitcoms? Skye was portrayed by Annasophia Robb, who had to be kidnapped due to the fact that she refused the offer when the show's producers tried to ask her nicely. Still, she played the part perfectly.
Unfortunately, the sitcom did not last long, due to its large amount of haters. After a protest crowd had gathered, it was agreed that it should be taken off the air. It was missed greatly by its fans, but its haters rejoiced after it had been removed from TV. Many pizza parties, dildo parties, hot dog eating contests, and video game tournaments were held that day.
SuperSkye: The Video Game
Sometime two years after the end of the Megacorp Wars, Skye was approached by Reese Daavidson, head of video game producers RunninRiiz, who say they exist but have never put out a single game and are probably not video game designers at all. They offered Skye a golden coffee maker, worth almost seven dollars, for her to be the main character in a game called SuperSkye. Skye took the offer- then again, who wouldn't? Nobody could have refused that coffee maker.
The game was created as a retelling of Skye's role in the Megacorp Wars, where the player took control of Skye in a platformer adventure. However, as this would essentially be the Skaylian equivalent of a game about World War 2, most Skaylians took offense to the concept. The plan was originally to ship the game to Earth, where it would be ported to the Wii. But, in the end, the game was never released anywhere but Skaylia and Japan, and even then, it was not considered the best of games.
Reasons Why SuperSkye Sucked
- It was horribly unrealistic. There was no blood at all, the Admiral's language was remarkably clean, and Skye was very girly in personality. Then again, it was for the Wii...
- Most of its characters weren't really in the war. Only Skye and Holly Glaceau were actually real figures in the war. But they threw in a bunch of other fake characters for seemingly no reason at all. They made Skye's old boyfriend, Nes, a playable character, giving him some campy backstory and making him and Skye fall in love throughout the course of the war. There was also this princess named Misty, who didn't even exist at all, and some guy named Finn.
- Inara wasn't fought in the Coliseum. That was half the awesomeness of the Megacorp War! But they got rid of it.
- The game's soundtrack was composed by the White Stripes. Nothing good can ever come of that.
- Two of the planets Skye visited don't exist.
- They completely wrecked the storyline of the game. The Megacorp War was only fought because Zyclon wanted revenge for a few aliens that Skye killed. In the game, there was some mysterious power supply that Zyclon was after, and he was willing to do nasty things, such as strap little girls to poles and begin to slowly take their clothes off, to get it.
- Skye was underpowered. It made the game as hard as hell. The best she could do was a decent energy ball. Why no Final Shine Attack?
- Holly Glaceau. Okay, I take it back; it would be better if she weren't in the game. That bitch is annoying as hell.
“It's time to beat the potatoes outta these guys!”
“Guess it's not your day.”
“There is no District 12!”
“It's a trap!”
“ELECTRA! What the hell are you doing just standing there? Move it, bitch!”
“Claire? She thinks she's so great, but everyone knows the truth. She's never even seen a laser gun.”
“I broke up with Nes because he's not right for me. For one, he doesn't like space.”
“She's my beeeeessst frieeeennnd! Well, if you... understand...”
“These creeps won't have their way with me!”