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Skye H. Electra is thought to be the multiverse's most
lesbian tomboyish lifeform, with an estimated butch level of 650,000,001, surpassing even Helen Mirren (B.L. 650,000,000).
Her background is murky and Vagisil-smelling enough to escape most human comprehension. She is, however, known for frequently harnessing Honouran, the ability to use cheat codes in real life, with a pair of bracelets that she probably got at Talbot's. Her involvement in the war against Megacorp helped greatly to turn the tide, ensuring victory and biscuits for all.
Though currently married with eighteen children, Skye spends most of her time alone in a pocket universe of her own creation, playing jai alai and watching Dragon Ball GT reruns. She dislikes guests and signing autographs.
edit Early Years
Skye was born to Papa Smurf and his thirtieth wife so far at the time. As soon as her mother headed for the hills, Skye was left in the care of Papa. Only two at the time, she never knew her mother very well, save some instances where she watched Papa Smurf sitting with a picture of her in a ring of candles.
Her upbringing was strict and relentless. Papa Smurf punished his daughter by making her read the works of Asimov aloud to a tank of live octopi, or, in more severe cases, slapping her with a slice of pizza, which had no cheese. After Papa ate the pizza by mistake one day, a cornichon came to replace it.
edit Life on the Streets
At age 14, Skye packed up her few possessions (a stale baguette from Panera, the handle of an old microwave, and two New Pornographers CD's) and ran away from home to escape Papa's oppression. A wise sea turtle she met along the way offered to change her last name from Smurf to Electra in exchange for the CD's. Ever a proponent of shrewd barter, she accepted.
She took to a life of seclusion in the back of a highwayside Stuckey's Convenience, living on plundered snacks and pondering her existence. A gang called the Young Punx picked her up soon after; they had six Dragon Balls and thought Skye's cheat codes could help them get the seventh. They failed, but Skye managed to stay in thanks to her adept streetsmarts and general handiness.
With the Young Punx, Skye soon found that she was especially good at mugging people, given she could reduce them to ash with the bat of an eye. Her feats in the sports of dog riding and bouncing bouncy-balls were also nearly unmatched. She was not a normal girl.
edit Involvement with FBI
One morning, a note showed up in the shopping cart she slept in, telling her to go to the movie theater, where a pleasant discussion would take place over fruit smoothies and French fries (although, since that was that part of the world, they actually used the word frites). Skye, curious and devoid of ulterior motives, set off right away.
But there were no smoothies or
No, no, wait! I know where you think this is going. But it's not. The FBI didn't drag Skye into the back of a van and take her to headquarters; her crimes weren't the focus here. They wished only to turn her into an all-powerful android that could carry out their vendetta against Al Gore. The original plan would've politely left the decision to her, but they feared she might say no or claim allergy to titanium brain chips. Instead, they dragged her into the back of a van and took her to headquarters.
Skye had seen the Robocop remake enough times to know that this was bad news. In the back of the van, she drew out her escape plan with a pink crayon she got from a girl whose head she'd blown up last week.
As soon as they arrived at the FBI's top-secret headquarters, Skye claimed she needed to use the bathroom, well aware that the headquarters did not have a women's bathroom. She went instead to the top-secret teleportation device that the FBI had stolen from the Men In Black. This took her to Solaris.
edit The Skaylian Resistance Force
Skye moved into a horsey neighborhood in the peaceful Solarian countryside. She managed to keep hidden that she was an alien from that mysterious planetoid E-4RTH, which, thanks to Paula Deen and Gordon Ramsey, the Solarians viewed as a hive of demons. People just came to know her as "Miss Electra", or "Blue Chick". Life was good.
But she could only live so long without any money, so she sought out for a lucrative application for her talents. Due to her sex, she was rejected by the Ginyu Force and Galactus Youth. As a last resort, she joined up with the Skaylian Resistance Force, a fledgling organization dedicated to combating the evil of phone surveillance. It took a lot to convert it to an elite intergalactic crime-fighting team: a public speech webinar, new socks, and the firing of many, many interns. In the end, though, Skye was more than satisfied. Life was good again.
edit Unlocking Her True Potential
One day, as part of an intergalactic reenactment of the smash-hit screenplay Cowboys & Aliens, a mysterious spacecraft came to Solaris and abducted Skye. She woke up later that day with strange, eggnog-smelling bracelets glued to her arms. After finding that the bracelets gave her a strange power called Honouramajigger or something like that, Skye eliminated all the aliens with splodey light balls.
edit Involvement in the Megacorp Wars
James D. "Zyklon-B" Baxter of Megacorporation Pictures, Inc., the screenplay's director, was not pleased when he heard the news of an interference with the set. He donned his Infinity Gauntlet, readied his army of brainwashed girls all named Mae, May, Mai, or Alexis, and went out to hunt the perpetrator down.
The Skaylian Resistance Force, to make a long story short, now had something to resist against, lest their only employee of any merit be sent to the slammer and their paychecks docked innumerably. Ironically enough, it was Skye who did most of the fighting. Here are a few of the most notable battles she took place in.
edit Battle for Ancient Lake
Skye fought in the Battle for Ancient Lake, which, as anyone could guess, took place at Ancient Lake (actually an ocean, but ancient nonetheless).
The Solarian forces were far outnumbered in this battle, and it was very much uphill. The Maes brought in their moose cavalry and their official color guard, whose flags were stitched together from radioactive solar flares. Needless to say, the SRF stayed busy.
Also, since this battle was in the ocean, they had to tread water the whole time. This was quite taxing. But they won.
edit Battle of Yaam
The Battle of Yaam was a struggle between the Megacorp forces and the defenders of the colony on Yaam, a very dry and porn-addicted planet. The colony was surrounded by a huge wall that the Megacorp forces could not penetrate.
The bad guys played dirty and resorted to chemical warfare. With a dusting of Liquid Ass, they smoked out the city residents, who were then promptly killed by the Megacorp catering team's head chef, Crichtron, and his Andromeda Strainer.
Skye, however, was only there for half of this battle, so most historians agree that Megacorp's victory did not count.
edit Battle of Roseanne
Most people say Roseanne never existed in the first place. This battle probably never happened, either. Still, Skye was there. That says a lot, doesn't it?
edit Battle of the Penalty Box
For clarity's sake, we mean the city on Solaris called the Penalty Box. We know your mind was in the gutter, but I digress.
Anyway, the Battle of the Penalty Box was caused when Inara, a rebellious soldier who changed her name from Mae years ago, captured the PB's princess, Emmalisa deLauranna. Help was sought from captured-princess-expert Mario, and things settled down soon enough.
However, there was still Inara to worry about. Skye challenged her to a duel in the Coliseum of Rome, where all great fights take place. The battle was filled with many large explosions, super-fast karate attacks, hadoukens, and incredible combo moves pulled off without the use of printed sheets. Skye won the fight by vaporizing Inara with her Phallick Gun Attack.
As for the mighty Zyklon, he died sometime later in an uncanny ant farm incident.
edit Personal Life
After returning home from duty, Skye went back to school at Solaris' Stanislaw University and became a mathematician. The Skaylian Resistance Force no longer resists anything but still gives her money.
She has an interest in spacecraft, and has recently bought her own starship, Luxio Gamma (whose name has no meaning; Skye just liked the way it sounded).
She has become a strict vegan, more for a lifestyle change than anything else, and sometimes eats nothing but almonds in the course of one day.
She has had sex thirty-seven times, with several different boyfriends, and actually just had the last of these yesterday. It was while she was in space. Oh, yes, she likes space, space, SPACE!
edit Relationships: Good
edit Nes Garrow
With all that time to kill, it would only seem right for Skye to start getting to know a few of the hot bachelors around town. Her first boyfriend was Nestor Justinian Garrow (who just went by Nes), a New Zealander on an interplanetary paid vacation. Their relationship lasted long, but ended after an ill-timed cornichon incident that reminded Skye a little too much of her childhood.
They only had one child together, a daughter named Petra. Although adopted and raised by a couple of drunk lunatics, she would eventually grow up to marry a wealthy rapper and become a very successful journalist.
edit Audrey le Beaux
Skye's second boyfriend was Audrey le Beaux, who was actually a fairy. It should be noted that since the vast majority of fairies are female, male fairies are always very hot bachelors. Only a girl like Skye could ever manage to snap one up. Eventually, Skye and Audrey were married, and they had eighteen children together.
Of all these children, some were fairies, some were humans, some were hybrids, and almost all were named Erin. When asked why, Skye simply said that "she liked the sound of the name", not willing to mention that in the local Solarian dialect, Erin meant "accident."
edit Relationships: Foul
edit Claire Redfield
Claire and Skye have never liked each other. Some assert it all began with an awkward Thanksgiving dinner; others have concluded it's just always been a matter of who's more attractive. Either way, their fierce jai alai matches every five years are something to see.
edit Notable Effects on the Media
edit That's My Space Captain, Skye!
This was a sitcom that aired for two very awkward, libidinous seasons. Skye was portrayed by Annasophia Robb, who had to be kidnapped but played the part perfectly.
As with most Solarian television, the plot was divided into story arcs known as sagas. The first, the Zooey Saga, retold the events of Bridge to Terabithia in a creative new light, yielding praise from critics all around the multiverse. It also added splodey light balls.
The second, the R. Daneel Olivaw Saga, saw Skye departing for the Fifth Dimension to fight imps and learn the deadly ways of political science. This one was panned, leaving the show with poor ratings and a nonexistent budget.
After its end, however, it left quite a bit of a legacy -- for better or worse. For a sitcom, TMSCS was remarkably action-packed and garnered plenty of parental complaint. Anita Sarkeesian called it "the incarnate ruin of souls" thanks to its downplayment of female characters like Holly Glaceau. Most others simply dismiss it as a Ben 10 ripoff.
edit SuperSkye Superior: The Super-Solarian Goes Super!
Sometime two years after the Megacorp Wars, Skye was approached by Reese "R.D." Daavidson, head of video game producers RunninRiiz, who claim to be professionals but have never put out a single game and are probably not video game designers at all. They offered her a golden coffee maker, worth almost seven dollars, for her image to be used as the main character in a game called SuperSkye Superior: The Super-Solarian Goes Super!. Discussions were also made for potential sequels like SuperUltraSkyeComboWithFries: Ultrasonic Ulterior Motives of The Ulta Uracil Corporation and SuperSkye GT, should the first be successful enough. Not seeing the harm -- and unable to refuse the ornate kitchen appliance -- Skye took the offer.
She had no idea what evil she had loosed upon the world that day.
The game, a platformer adventure, retold Skye's role in the Megacorp Wars. Most Solarians took offense to the concept. There were no sequels, and a plan to ship the game to Earth, where it would be ported to the Wii, never came fully to light. It made it only to Japan, where even still it was despised.
edit Top 10 Reasons Why SuperSkye Sucked
- It was horribly unrealistic. Plenty of censoring, and Skye's personality traits were reduced to "girl". Then again, it was for the Wii.
- A despicable lack of adherence to Solarian history. They threw a bunch of fake characters into the war for no apparent reason. Skye's old boyfriend, Nes, became a playable character with a campy backstory and a love narrative with Skye. There was also a fairy princess named Misty and some guy named Finn.
- Inara was fought in the fucking Parthenon, not the Coliseum. Half the reason the Megacorp Wars were significant, thrown right out the window!
- A soundtrack composed by the White Stripes. Nothing good can ever come of that.
- Several planet-destroying scenes that came off highly offensive to Alderaanians and Namekians.
- Zyklon-B and his motives, completely misrepresented as a quest for an unobtainium power supply. His son, Maximilian, is still trying to sue for that.
- Skye's nerfed powers, meaning in this sense she wielded actual Nerf blasters (corporate sponsoring, you know the deal). It made the game hard as hell. Why no Final Flash Attack?
- The foley team was underpaid and underfed. Did you know that half the sound effects were created just by massaging a giraffe with different brands of towelettes?
- Skye's cowlick was on the wrong side of her head.
- It was for the Wii.
edit Fighting Style: Electrudo
Among other things, Skye is most famous as the inventor of Electrudo, a style of melee combat that has won her many a bout. In Electrudo, combatants fight naked and, preferably, oiled. The left hand attacks, principally through the Judychop technique, while the right serves to guard the Map of Tasmania.
Believe it or not, Electrudo has gotten popular enough to be considered for England's new national sport! In fact, they're voting on that next month. Don't forget to show! Your vote can help it take victory over Venusian Aikido once and for all.
edit Learn Electrudo Today
Electrudo can be easily picked up when one devotes himself to these tactics:
edit Ninji' Chop
Take the left hand and swing courageously, yet responsibly, at your opponent's neck. If he's left hopping on his left foot, you've succeeded! The right foot means he's simply played you. Prepare for a counterattack.
Splay your fingers and waggle intimidatingly. This serves to focus your ki. You will know when to strike. If playing professionally (not under street rules), take care not to bisect your opponent with this feared and respected technique.
edit The Tiddlywink
This is the clincher. One must wait for the right time. When your foe's right hand slips, use your forefingers to strike the Map of Tasmania. It's easy to tell if you have succeeded; if executed properly, your foe won't get up for the next few hours.
edit Greatest Electrudo Match?
It's said Skye once fought Goku as a test of strength. The loser had to have shiny yellow hair for the rest of their life. We don't know who won, either.