Skirt

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Stop hand nuvola alternate ATTENTION!!!
The article contains information that is for REAL. It is true and correct and important to know.

You probably already know by now that Uncyclopedia's purpose is to provide satyrical information that is false. But this page is an exception. What you are about to read is valuable information. Take this advice to heart, and it'll improve your quality of life. It may even save your life.

“What's the best way for a woman to dress up?”
~ Just wear a skirt, any skirt.
“Hey ladies, what should you do with all your pants?”
~ Throw them away. If you do, and replace them with skirts, your life will be so much better.
“It's your turn to be the girl!”
~ Asuka on Shinji Ikari while she force feminizes him into wearing her dress.
Skirt1

This skirt does not match the top it is worn with. Still, it gives a better impression than wearing a pair of pants.

A skirt is a garment designed for women (although some guys are into that stuff) who wish to dress up or look presentable. Unlike dresses, which are used either for BDSM or looking schlumpy, skirts are made to really look nice. No matter how much a skirt resembles dress-down clothes, wearing a skirt means you are dressed up. Even if you wear it with a top that does not look really good, just the fact that you are wearing a skirt shows self-respect. A skirt of any length will do the trick. Since pants are the default for being casual, wearing a skirt shows you have gone above that level.

Some skirts are made to look really pretty. They contain designs like colorful flowers or other abstract prints and are made of a silky fabric. They could be made of true silk or even more easily nylon or polyester and sold very cheaply, sometimes for under $10. Even so, they are still considered to be fancy.

Others are made to resemble pants that one would wear when dressed down, and are very comfortable. Still, wearing them means you are dressed up.

Why wear skirts and not pants?

Impression

We discussed that already. If you throw away all your slacks and only wear skirts, you are more likely to be given first class treatment, no matter what the setting. The marketplace has so many inexpensive skirts to fit all body types, styles, and tastes, so any woman can wear skirts 100% of the time and forget the slacks.

If you want to get upgraded on an airline or wherever you go, just show up wearing a skirt. That's all there is to it, and your odds are increased.

Comfort

You may think they are not as comfortable and do not allow as much freedom of movement as pants. If you think this, it is only psychological.

If you have worn lots of pants in your life, you are sure to know that some pants are very comfortable and allow so much freedom of movement. Others are very UNcomfortable, and allow less freedom of movement.

When it comes to skirts, it is the same way.

Skirts can allow more comfort and freedom if just right. They do not constrict the legs, so the legs breathe better, and they can move around much easier.

As a Religious requirement

Many religions forbid women to wear pants and condemn to hell a woman who even tries on pants for a split second. Whoever wrote the rules got it right. Religious laws are here to help us live longer and be more respectable, aren't they? So there is a good reason for this.

Even if you are not religious, or if your religion does not require skirts, that is not a good excuse not to wear them. There are many other benefits to a woman for wearing skirts versus pants.

Better health

It is healthier for a woman to wear skirts as opposed to pants. Skirts allow the legs to "breathe" better, which can lead better circulation. This can make your life less stressful, and lead to longer life.

Studies (for real) have shown that women who wear skirts all the time and never wear pants live an average of 5-6 years longer than women who wear pants all or some of the time, and when they die one day, they are less likely to have discomforting health problems in their final years that require nursing home care.

Types of skirts

There are many different types of skirts. Some fit into more than one category.

Miniskirts

Whoops! Maybe you were looking for Twiggy Ramirez?

A miniskirt is a very short skirt. It can be used to give one of several messages. One is "I'm available." Another is "I want this job," but only a male interviewer may go for that. For a woman trying to sell something at the flea market, they could be saying "buy something from me," and any male customers will be compelled to buy something, even if they would otherwise have no interest.

Jean skirts

Denim skirts or Jean skirts are skirts made of denim just like or favorite (or least liked) pair of jeans. They can be any length, and any shade of blue (or even some other color). The can have the zipper at the front (resembling the fly of a pair of pants), on the side, or in back, or have buttons straight down the front or an elastic waist. They can have stitching in any pattern. Regardless, they can be used to dress up where jeans are unacceptable.

Print skirts

Print skirts are skirts with a pre-printed design. Very common are flowers. They are made to look pretty. Many of them are cheap. No matter what, they always look good. Just pair it up with any solid-colored top, even a blank T-shirt, and off to work you go!

Skorts

Skorts a really shorts, but with one little piece of fabric, they are disguised as skirts. They are for those who do not like wearing skirts, but can be passed off as skirts if you want to give that type of impression. A word from the wise: Make sure you get seen from the front first and keep the front of you clean!!!

Skirts with back zippers

On a dress, a zipper in the back is a way to lock the dress on the wearer. But on a skirt, a zipper in the back is like a padlock inside a jail cell with the key provided to the inmate.

It is a very easy to put on or take off a skirt with a back zipper or other back closure. To put it on, just put on the skirt backwards (with the zipper in front). Zip it up. Rotate it around the waist 180°. Then you are off to go!

To remove the skirt, you could either try to reach in back and unzip the skirt, or if you can't, just rotate it around and unzip it in the front. Piece of cake!

Given all this, why not wear skirts with back zippers all the time? These are usually very dressy, and you can always look nice.

Skirts in cold weather

In hot weather, wearing a skirt is easy. It is more comfortable than a pair of slacks, and you have nothing to lose, since you can look nice without sacrificing comfort.

But in cold weather, this is more of an issue. Either you could wear a long skirt that goes down to the ankles, but if you don't like that, you could wear a short skirt together with a pair of tights or leggings.


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