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Feminism is a movement aimed at the promotion of parity between the sexes in political, economic and social rights. Feminists believe that by elevating the power of women and destroying the power of men, women can become equal to men. They believe that by believing in such equality they prove that females are superior. It holds the idea that we can somehow make both sexes equal by focusing solely on one of them.
Allied to this cause is the notion that women are superhuman beings with god-like wisdom, and yet at the same time fragile little girls. To compensate for years of subjugation of the numerous women who lived thousands of years before them, women must have absolute power over men and unless they do, every woman is so oppressed that she cannot possibly be held responsible for anything she does.
edit The Viewpoint on Feminism
A movement whose sole purpose is to give women saggy breasts and to bankrupt brassiere manufacturers, the feminist movement appears to be failing in its second aim at the moment, largely due to the massively increased demand for women's undergarments that burning them has produced.
There is a common feminist saying that "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle." Feminists are also known to frequently utter the phrase that "if women were in charge there would be no wars". In other words, feminists are women who have never heard of Boudica, Cleopatra, Kahina, Hatshepsut, Zenobia, Tomyris, Golda Meir, Empress Matilda, Queen Amidala, Catherine the Great, Joan of Arc, What of Yodit, Ana de Sousa Nzinga Mbande, Queen Isabella of Spain, Queen Isabella of France, the Trung Sisters of Vietnam, Queen Elizabeth I, Mary Queen of Scots, that bitch who lives next door, Jezebel, Athaliah and Margaret Thatcher, or who may not see the danger that would be posed by a combination of PMS and possession of the nuclear football.
edit The early campaigners for the vote: The Lollagettes
In the early 1900s when feminists campaigned for the vote (lollage), much violence occurred. Certain feminists were simply not aroused enough by the 'peaceful' regime which involved the frequent molestation of the most senior prime ministers! They broke away from the NUWSS (Naked udderless women seeking sexuality) and became the WSPU (Whale sex pornography unlimited). Demanding their right to vote (suffrage) but for women known as lollage, they were names the Lollagettes.
Even though women received the vote after publicly memorizing the first five letters of the alphabet in 1993, to this day a number of blonde lollagettes still campaign...
A great British Prime Minister once said: 'Want to hear a joke? Female Rights!'
Also Lollagettes react badly to the phrase 'manual labor', screaming that it is sexist to assume that labor can only be done by men. However it comes from the Latin 'manus' meaning hand. Don't dare use the word, or your spellchecker will call you a woman-hating misogynist. So will your secretary.
Serious objections have been raised to this name, because of its male based first syllable. New suggestions are womenstruation, girlstruation, lesbstruation, bleedingbitchstruation and wecontrolallmendoasyouaretoldstruation, "Frustration" also works. When it was pointed out that the root of the word was not actually men but menstrus - which is Latin for "month," the feminists killed 17 men in retaliation. Hence the universal reluctance to criticize feminist-logic and the axiom upon which it is grounded: Any statement that precedes the phrase 'Because of Patriarchy' shall, in all contexts, be understood to be true
The natural flowing of blood from a woman's body once monthly shows how in tune women are with nature, how they feel the lunar cycles intuitively, and as we all know from TV ads, how a woman can become a superb athlete at that 'time of the month' and can often be seen rollerblading, parachuting, swimming, hang-gliding, and running on the beach in white pants. In ancient Tibet, men used to believe that the best way to combat PMS was to put the offending woman into a little box, just big enough for her to breathe, until she calmed down; these men never had the God-given grace of having a penis afterward.
edit Feminist Theology
“All men are rapists and that's all they are.”
Feminists have, like jews, 10 commandments in which all feminists must swear are true before becoming an accepted believer.
- Men do not have 10 times as much testosterone as women.
- Men are socially constructed.
- Men are assholes.
- Witchcraft is safer and more reliable than math and science.
- Lesbianism can conjure up babies (but only females).
- Women having total power is equal.
- Males and females are not of the same species
- Penises are puppets of Satan.
- False rape/stalking/gay allegations are a mighty sword feminists are proud to wield.
- Women are super-human.
These Ten Commandments were revealed to ancient feminists by the (obviously) female prophet "Joses", "which is where men who killed Joses got their name for Jesus and Moses, both hopeless rapists, as all men are."
Feminists also claim that heaven was on Earth and the world was completely sexless and peaceful after the all creating Mother banished Adam to his room for tricking the innocent Eve into masturbating with an apple. However, Adam was soon let out and joined with the devil, causing destruction and sexual desires all across the world. The only way to repent, feminists say, is to "give your wife the male position" and let her rape your ass till' the Earth will nova in 2012.
“When a woman reaches orgasm with a man she is only collaborating with the patriarchal system, eroticizing her own oppression...”
Feminists believe that men have dominated history, and women have been ignored, with few exceptions. Their response is to reclaim history as herstory and show the world the importance of women. Again - do not try to point out the flawed logic of this idea, as 'history' is in fact derived from the Greek/Latin historias meaning knowledge or learning - nothing whatsoever to do with men.
The first person on the moon is now Nellie Armstrong, and the most famous leader of Rome is now Julie Caesar. Gloria Steinem and Rosie O'Donnell are now to be thought of as male.
Women believe that men having oppressed them throughout is history is the main reason that they are not represented in the history books but the real reason is that nobody wants to listen to your stupid mother-fucking problems.
Mainstream herstorians widely regard "history" as "utter bullcrap," as women have yet to prove themselves capable of anything outside of their traditional roles of "baking and baby-making," and it is unlikely that any such event has ever occurred. It is worth pointing out due to female failure in their two traditional pursuits, they are about as "valuable to society as a bicycle to a fish."
If Rosie O is not only human but male, we'll have to give Mao his penis back.
Modern Feminism was originally put forward as a joke in ancient Greek times by Ironicles, a philosopher and close friend of Aristotle, and after whom we have the English word irony, a joke nobody understands. Ironicles presented the idea as a satirical view of a society out of control, stating "where the women feel beauty is wrong, where the horses ride women, and who the hell invited the reindeer?" (See: Soviet Russia). The confusion over the last point was recently cleared up when evidence was found of an audience member (most likely Popsicles) proclaiming "get the stupid sod off, she's been on the wine again....tosspot." It is rumored that 115 years later, the great Testicles was castrated by a rabid feminist, released into the Colosseum too early. Apparently, Greek culture had a great influence on Saxons as well.
Many people believe that the first mainstream popularity of feminism was the fight for female suffrage, in the late 19th century. However, recent scientific evidence points to an almost full adoption of the female empowerment in a small middle eastern area. After a short but bloody massacre, the area was overthrown by an all female government, to date the only such ever known. As their first law, they declared that sex was a criminal offense, punishable by castration. The result was the total extinction of the population in just a single generation. The evidence comes not just in early documents, but also in the fact that the halls of government unearthed were thought to be the only ones where the carpets and curtains matched, and the furniture was frequently moved around "to see how it would look."
Feminism really took off in the late 1800s and early 1900s, where women, bored of the excruciating, grueling work of dusting and cooking, felt they were somehow entitled to the cushy, relaxing work in the fields and the mines like men. In the campaign, the subject of the ability to vote was also fought for. Contrary to popular belief, early supporters of the movement didn't call themselves feminists, but instead Fighters Against Totally Controlling Housewives, Inhome Carers and Kinder Schuten, (a German phrase in common use at the time meaning child bearers). Many people know the story of Emily Wilding Davison, who threw herself under the king's horse in the 1913 epsom derby, yet in actuality she was trying to get to parliament so she could protest, and had simply gotten lost. She was pronounced "Blonde" at the scene.
An alternative theory has been postulated by some thinkers who wish to remain nameless, for fear of lynching by groups of feminists. This theory suggests that feminism as a whole was created by the great industrialists of the 19th and 20th centuries, primarily the Rothschilds, in order to decrease male understanding of women even further and encourage the destruction of male-female relations by creating another irrational dogma for women to shriek at their husbands/boyfriends about. This would then precipitate the attitude of 'I don't know what the hell you're on about bitch, fuck it I'm going to work' thus improving productivity in all factories and institutions owned by the industrialists. Feminists strongly deny this, as it would conclusively prove (once again) that men are WAY smarter than women.
edit Feminist characteristics
Feminism, as you can probably tell, is an extremely stereotyped movement that has stereotyped other people and yet is strongly critical of stereotypes. Which is considered by many to be operated wholly and solely on industrialized Misandry.
The typical feminist is characterized by a short haircut, unshaven legs and/or armpits, over-weight by at least 20 pounds, a strong hatred of men, an even stronger hatred of thin, beautiful women and all things pertaining to males ... but all the while inwardly craving-more than anything-to be a man them-self. They aim to eliminate the female stereotype, only to eventually replace it with the male one, not to mention that its total Hypocrisy. Most feminists are known to pose in front of a mirror while brandishing a soda bottle, hair brush or fire extinguisher as their pseudo-penis. Ergo the conclusion is that feminism is the enemy and must be destroyed because like the klan they only have love for their own collective.
edit First, Second, And Third-Wave Feminism
First-Wave Feminism was about getting rights to exchange cooking recipes freely. It lasted roughly fourteen hours, sometime around the late-early 1900's. The second wave of feminism, technically known as "the second wave of feminism", was for the right to make lesbian pornography. And finally, third-wave feminism, which is modern feminism, is about nothing at all. Since women now technically have all the same rights as a man does, the feminist movement of modern days does not aim for any goal. A famous writer once said, "Feminism is like a large bowl of tartar sauce, ja. The longer you leave it out, the more it begins to solidify."
edit Secret Feminist Societies (and where to find them)
Since women became all antsy and decided that being totally lez with each other was much more fun than knitting and cooking for their husbands, many underground clubs have been created to facilitate their unnatural activities. The existence of Feminist Societies has been illegal since Germaine Greer opened her big yap and told everyone that she was a feminist (this of course was a lie, as everyone knows Germaine Greer was such a grotsky bitch that no man would touch her with a ten foot mop). So if you think you may be a feminist (God help you), then you should probably join an SFS. To find one, just hop along to one of the following and say the magic words, “turkey baster, anyone?”:
- The Bitches Templar.
- Your local all girls hockey or roller-derby team.
- Whores in Black Clothing.
- The Lucky Cow (one of the most powerful societies in the fight to promote
lezzosfeminists. Uses the guise of vegetarian food van)
- The NWA (the National Womens Association).
- The Mysterious Incestuous League of Fems ( or better known as "The M.I.L.F.'s").
- The Freelisas.
- The Sisterhood of Male Bashers.
- The YWCA (like the YMCA but for lesbians and not queer guys).
- Lesbos Island.
- Orwell Feminism, the sub-movement of Feminism responsible for the disintegration of Misandry from 2025-2033, during the "Femi Misandry Wars".
- Rugby teams
edit Feminist Logic
In PFL (propositional feminist logic), there are uncountably many truth-values to sentential operators, making PFL an incredibly difficult logic to navigate for law-abiding, rational males. Feminists typically have an innate ability to understand PFL, known as “female intuition”. Here we will look at the truth-tables for the conjunction and conditional operators, using the three most widely occurring truth-values, “True”, “False” and “Asking for it”. When a proposition is asking for it, for all practical uses it is true, but in a court of law is rendered false. Note how another nine truth-values are generated from our first three, resulting in an endless cycle of chaos and bullshit.
In QFL (quantificational feminist logic), Femininists do not use the universal quantifier, , because it was invented by Bertrand Russell, a notorious womanizer. Instead they use O because it resembles both the vagina and the Circle of Life that can only exist through the struggles of womankind. It is a recurring theme in feminist logic that they essentially want all the perks of leading a society without the responsibility. For example, they want to be able to vote, but they don't want to register for the draft. Except for the Dixie Chicks, who are famous for hating men.
Advocates of QFL usually assert the existence of the following tautology, known as the Feminist Axiom. (FA)
For all x, if x is female then x is good.
By using the FA, Feminist logicians have managed to restart the project of Descartes, providing a solid foundation for knowledge. Critics of the FA assert that it is nothing more than a prejudiced assumption made by lesbians because without it there is no reasonable defence for women to have human rights.
edit See also
- Amazon Women
- History of Woman
- Battle of the Sexes
- Feminist Mars
- Oprah Winfrey
- Wonder Woman