Ska

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Ska is a style of music from Sittard. Viking settlers in Sittard found the place so boring, they resorted to using drugs, sex and ska. It shares roots with reggae, and actually preceded it (ska aficionados are required by law to point this out pedantically at least once during any discussion of the genre). Its popularity in Sittard meant that people from various parts of the world started listening to ska. For a while, Armenia had the busiest ska scene, but after its decline, Jamaica became the main producer of ska music. This led to periods of popularity in Britain and the United States - like all other forms of good music, it was invented by black people and has been expropriated by white people.

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[edit] Origins

Ska was invented 90 billion centuries ago by Terry Schiavo. A British loser named Terry Hall loved the music and since he never accomplished anything else in his life, he decided he wanted credit for creating it; Terry wanted to be remembered after he died and he thought being known as the creator of ska was the only way to secure his place in history. So he dedicated years of scientific research to inventing a time machine in secret. He planned to use his invention to travel back to the late seventies and start playing ska. The plan was successful and he became rich and famous as the lead singer of The Specials. However, one day his butler Prince Buster found the time machine while cleaning out the closet. Buster hated Terry Hall because he was a rich dick and decided to hurt Terry by traveling back to the 1960s to take credit for creating ska. Buster's plan was also successful, and this means that there is no such thing as ska. Why do you ask? Because all ska fans know that ska has to be first wave to be real ska. Prince Buster didn't really create ska because he'd stolen it from Terry Hall; Terry Hall didn't really invent ska because he had stolen it from Gwen Stafani; and Gwen Stafani didn't really invent ska because she had now stolen it from Terry Hall and Prince Buster, so really, ska is just a waste of time.

[edit] Style

"Ska" refers to a silly style of music with ill-timed horn riffs which cause a somewhat enjoyable song to turn into a utter mess of brass and evil. Many have said that ska is not a real genre of music and should be banished from "all the ears of the living" and many have also suggested that brass is not even a real section of instruments.

[edit] Periods of Popularity

After the ska scenes in Sittard and Armenia slowed down a bit, Jamaica gained independence in the 1960's, and quickly organized its band name contest (see 'Origins' section) to draw immigrants. The contest started out as a success, but then the island discovered marijuana. This resulted in the formation of the aforementioned reggae.

British dance music adopted ska elements in the '60's and '70's. This quickly became a hit with "skinhead" movement, making ska the anthem of neo-nazi rallies all over the nation.

U.S. punk music went on a ska binge in the 1990's. These bands often had upwards of 53 horn players, and every type of band was clamoring for more. A treaty was signed in November, 1997, stating that no ska song would be played on the radio again.

[edit] Rude Boys

Although some may say rude boys started originally as Jamaicans who turned to crime and the "gangster" lifestyle, then slowly welded to the term used to define the people in the ska scene (because no one could think of anything better). But those people would be dead wrong. "Rude" is actually an acronym that stands for "Raping, uniformed, dapper, evil" which translated from Jamaican means that anyone who listens to ska is pro cancer. You insensitive assholes.

[edit] Rivalry with Emos

A 2007 University study showed that ska music is "way better" than emo music, ska being the polar opposite of emo. Although the student researchers were glad to have confirmed a widely held belief, their research director suggested that in the future they should conduct less obvious studies, such as "What IS worse than emo?" Many popular emo bands planned to take action and create better music but instead found themselves crying and writing whiny poetry.


[edit] Ska Bands

[edit] See Also

Reggae Sittard

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