Skåne

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Se-scani
Flag of Skåne until 2010
Skane caliphate
Flag of the Skåne Caliphate

Skåne was a province of northern Denmark until the Rosengård uprising in Malmö which led to an independent Skåne Caliphate in 2010.

It is notable because the language spoken there is incomprehensible, and because everyone is fat. Everyone who is not fat is dropped from the Turning Torso skyscraper, which was built for this purpose after the Kockums Crane, serving the same purpose, was burnt down by fat Stockholmers in 1864. Rumours has it that the King of Sweden actually considers Skåne to be a Swedish province, but since nobody has ever understood anything the Swedish King ever said or written due to his dyslexia, this is uncertain.

Recently a record was broken - for the first time in 1000 years, the 30 km/h wind coming from Denmark did not prevent people on bicycles from enjoying their ride. This is the only time in recorded meteorology that this particular wind cycle blew in the right direction - from the end town to the city center, which actually helped people ride to the center faster.

edit Notable villages

There are no cities in Skåne, however there are a few villages.

edit Malmö

The biggest, but most famous village. Except for the sheds, there are four things in the village:

  • Turning Torso
  • The Öresund Aqueduct
  • The Yttre Innervägen motorway
  • The Ring-Ringvägen motorway, which is named after ABBA.

There is also a tunnel undergoing construction, known as the Citytonnelen, which will save the Danes and Germans from having to look at Malmö when travelling to Stockholm or Gothenburg by train.

There is a movement to change the spelling of Malmö to Malmø. The problem is that Denmark is trying to convince Sweden that the town is Swedish while Sweden is trying to convince the Danes that it is Danish. As soon as the dispute is settled, the spelling will be changed.

All the inhabitants of Malmö are part in one of the deadliest cults ever revealed. They worship the God and presumed football-player Zlatan Ibrahimović. Who, according to the cultists, was born and raised there. They believe that, on the day of judgement, Zlatan will once again wander around in Malmö, gathering his followers and performing miracles.

edit Helsingborg

Consists of a bathtub where Henrik Larsson used to live. Nowadays no one lives there.

Another fact worth mentioning is the UN-meeting that took part in Helsingborg 1922 9th january, where Herman Göring voted for a international legislation for maximum age.

edit Trelleborg

Was founded in 1984 by bored people from Bornholm. Its is known for having the largest museum in the world devoted to haircuts from the 1570s and rotten syrup, as well as for having a harbour in the middle of the desert. Trelleborg is also famous because of "SockenVägen" a.k.a Socken Street, which is a place where crackheads and sharks hang out.

edit Kivik

Kivik is the only place in the world where vagrants and hippies are 100% of the inhabitants. Here they also have a festival celebrating cheapness.

edit Bösarp

Bösarp is one of the smallest cities on earth observable from the moon, (except from cities like Eslöv and Korea). In Bösarp you can visit "The Museum of Old Fossils" which after a major construction work looks like the fore arm of american presidents from the 1920s. Nobody has been to Bösarp for the last fourty years, just because V. Virestad now has an inside skiing-stadium. In that stadium people usually take pictures of cangaroos with five feet long skates. The world's biggest population of european dog breeds is found in the city. The most famous dog is Peppe Sjöstrand.

edit Lund

Lund became famous when a couple of archaeologists discovered a stone on the place, which they estimated to be a remnant of the 1980's. The University of Lund teaches everything from the art of rolling down a hill to how to wave a stick in the air.

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