Babel:Simple

Today's show my men

Today's featured article

Don't you know how important today is?!? What do you mean, what happened today?!? Today is a day that will live on in infamy! Don't you know what infamy means? It means you fucking remember! I mean, I would have expected this from one of those god damned liberals, but not you!

Everytime I see one of them towel-headed...

...sand-niggers, I remember! I always sit there wondering, "What kinda bomb is this sand-nigger gonna blow me up with today?", because that's what sand-niggers do, they blow you up! So I go up to him, and go all like "I dunno what you're doin' here, sand-nigger, but we here folk don't like bein' blown up, so why don't you just saddle up and head outta town! We don't like your kind 'round here!" Try and apply for a job at the corner store, will he? I sure showed him...

Everytime I watch one of those liberal pansy-assed...

...news channels, I remember! I watch one of them there pansies, sittin' there in their fancy elitist suits, at their fancy elitist desks, reading their fancy elitist teleprompters, tellin' me how "President" Osama is gonna be pulling troops out of I-Rack, so I shout at him "Don't you remember?!? We need to find those dirty sand-niggers who did it! Oh Lord, he's one of them sand-niggers himself!" (More...)

Yesterday's featured article

Seventeenth century England was a dangerous place; politically uneasy and religiously intolerant. But not intolerant enough for Pastor William Brewster who expelled himself from the Church of England when the General Synod disagreed that evading Roman excise duties by miraculously producing wine proved Jesus had deserved crucifixion. In 1604 King James I decreed puritans to be "undesirable" as his interests had moved onto young girls, and it seemed increasingly likely that Brewster's minions would be expelled from the Nottinghamshire village of Scooby due to persistent allegations of "interfering [with] kids".

Where could Brewster and his followers live where they could create a society in their own image, where laughter would be punishable by death and non-procreative sex prohibited (except with livestock)? Rumours abounded of a vast land across the mighty Atlantic Ocean inhabited only by savages ripe for being disapproved of and then exterminated. But how would they get there?(more...)

You can put your mark for your most favoriteist things to be taken to show and tell. Meh......brain. In pain. Hehe. That rhymes.

More favoriteist things from show and tell

What happend lorng ago today

December 21: Personal Hygiene Day

• 678 BC - Sodomy discovered in Greece.
• 677 BC - Death penalty instituted in Greece.
• 631 BC - The War of 1812 ends.
• 477 BC - Stinky Greek hobo Socrates roams the streets of fudge packing Athens, claiming he knows nothing. As a result, the goofy Greeks regard him as the greatest sage that ever lived.
• 322 BC - Megalo-maniac Alexander the Great turns out to be a regular fag. In a letter to Aristotle, he confesses that the smell of male toil 'turns him on'.
• 10 BC - Roman emporer Politemus IV invents the square wheel. Round wheels were outlawed under pain of death.
• 1500 - Middle Ages officially end; Europeans can finally start taking care of their personal hygiene little by little.
• 1939 Hitler invades France. After realising he would never make them wash he turned toward Russia
• 1967 The interrobang is discovered. The horrible revelation drives its discoverer instantly insane.
• 1979 Star Wars Episode XXXIV: The rising of Darth Leia comes to theaters
• 1982 - Sudan wins "Least Hygienic Country In The World Competition" for the first time. The African country has held the title ever since.
• 1984 - The first horseman of the apocalypse descended to herald the coming tribulations, but no one noticed apart from John Greeves, a homeless alcoholic from Brighton, England.
• 2000 - The bearded Taliban commanders state personal hygiene is against the will of God; in Afghanistan, pretty much the worst place ever.
• 2001 - UK prime minister Tony Blair is voted "Best Looking Twat" by the readers of Womans Realm magazine.
• 2005 - Barry Scott surpasses Batman as the Queen of Clean with Clitoris Bang.
• 2006 - Personal hygiene forced upon France by new EU ruling. The French promptly withdraw from the EU. All traces of the bathtub are destroyed and the french quickly return to smelling of bad cheese and garlic. Celebratory riots last into the new year
• 2007 - Man discovers that the white stuff on your tongue causes your breath to smell like shit. The Government promptly forces everone to brush their tongues.
• 2012 - World Ends only to be repopulated seconds later.
• 2017 - Saw XVI is a deathday movie which kills anyone who watches

What happend long ago other days

Things that the nice man on the tellyvision box next to the pretty lady are telling you (betwen advertizements)

• Living creatures are very bad for other living creatures.
• England and France having Chunnel trouble.

• Jedi mourn loss of franchise income.

• Former President Bill Cosby bombs Disney World, kills millions

• Americans experiencing bullshit fatigue

• A Former gay-hater comes out himself as gay. (Pictured)

• Taliban awards contract to Halliburton .

• Conservapedia news staff uncover evil cloning conspiracy.

• UKs most dangerous enemy: the Gays

• The Queen of England starts packing heat.

• Another religious demonstration for no coherent reason.

• A Meme is born; Monkey Fuck Ridiculous.

• Scientist "Gobsmacked": intelligence of cephalopods previously underestimated.

• Berlusconi undergoes facial surgery. Likely to look ten years younger.

• Roger Federer goes into hiding and stops shaving.

What things are happening

Did you know...

From Uncyclopedia's mommies and daddies:

• ...anything?
• ...how to ngising and ngloco?
• ...your name (it's 'Bagus)?
• ...that this website are nggateli and mangkelno read?
• ...that cheese be cool, yah?

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Monkey of the Month

Aboard the starship Event Horizon. Two men face each other for the last time. One of them, Miller, is trying his best to keep his last grains of sanity, quickly slipping away, while staring into the horror that is his adversary. Miller: What are you? Adversary: You know. Miller: You want me to believe you're the Devil, well, I don't, that's bullshit! Adversary: I'm not the Devil. Miller: Then what, what are you? Tell me... Adversary: Better if I just show you. His hands reach down and he grabs Miller by the skull. Miller gasps as he sees a series of snapshots... A news desk coffee stains, an old battered microphone, a bearded hulk, dirt under the rollers Miller: NO!!!! Adversary: I'm not the Devil. I'm much, much older. I watched the Beginning and I will see the End. I am the dark behind the stars. I am the dark inside you all. I am Zim_ulator Miller: NO!!!!!!! Zim_ulator: I'm not asking you to believe me. You'll see for yourself... and so will the rest of your Uncyclopedians. I'm going now to the other side, AND YOU'RE ALL COMING WITH ME!

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