Shrewsbury

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Shrewsbury is a crap town with a population of 16 average people and 24 retarded people, whilst studying the town's residents. Most shoppers on the town's infamous Pride Hill have experienced his survival of the fittest theory whilst trying to barge past other shoppers in order to enter into one of the identikit high street shops.

This of course, was not the case in Charles Darwin's time, when the town's residents were all monkeys. They have evolved since then,however, into sheep; much to the delight of the local students.

Apparently Shrewsbury is overrun by chavs, but that is not the case. It is actually overrun with students, who, as well as being chavs can go by the name of townies. The sixth form college supplies the town with most of its economy; news that it is likely to move to Radbrook is causing shopkeepers across the town to consider moving with it.

Shrewsbury is also very proud of its education system, which includes Shrewsbury College of Art and Technology (aka SCAT, and got sand in its vagina when a internet site featuring the schools S.C.A.T. culture was created.

[edit] Tourism & Culture

The town is also renowned for its ancient Tudor buildings, most of which are hidden behind shop fronts. However, if you ask at WHSmith, due to some ruling or another that means we are all entitled to see old buildings even if it's a pain for shopkeepers, they'll let you behind the scenes where you can meet one of the town's many ghosts, this one will decompose before your very eyes, also if you walk backwards down the high street three times you see the devil who will greet you with his evil eyes :D

And if it's ghosts and ghouls you want, why not visit Ebenezer Scrooge's grave? Yes, it's the real deal, although it may be hard to find in St. Chad's graveyard due to all the goths and emos hanging about "looking cool" or occasionally you will find them slitting their wrists but .. what ever makes them emotionaly stable then..

Also, every other person is posh or either drunk

Shrewsbury is pronounced "Shrowsbury"... Anybody that says Shrewsbury whilst in Shrowsbury get hung drawn and quartered by the many inhabitnants and OAPs. Also Shrewsbury are better than Telford just because they have a different colour road.

[edit] History

Once the capital of Wales known as Amythig, all Welsh people were required to bring the sheep to the great sheep fest of 1215, failing to do this all their rock was confiscated until the the great armistice of 1955 when Rhyl paid war reparations of 12,000,000 daffodils to replace Shrewsbury as Capital (since disputed by Cardiff).

As a result of this Welsh people are only allowed into Shrewsbury on foot and singing God Save the Queen. This is known locally as 'watching the Queeny singers'.

Although not officially Capital of Wales, Marks and Spencers is host to the National Welsh Shopping Day (NWSD) every December 10th, known in Wales as EU subsidy day.

[edit] Politics

Shrewsbury currently has a Conservative MP, Daniel Kawczynski, who was previously an unemployed businessman. He rigged the election and is addicted to crack

Largely inactive in parliament, Kawczynski, the UK's tallest MP, once issued a Private Members Bill in the hope of making it constitution that all doors must be 'a minimum of 7 feet from floor to top of frame'. This showed concern for the constituency as Shrewsbury also has the UK's tallest town crier.

Shrewsbury also has a flourishing Green Party, with a whole five members who know bugger all about climate change. However, progress has been made; in their movement to legalise cannabis. Now you can smell Shrewsbury Green from fucking Baschurch.

[edit] Sport

Home to Shrewsbury Town Football Club who played wank at the Gay Meadow. The club have now moved to the Prostar Staduim. A ground in the middle of Shrewsbury with great facilities, right next to Sainsburys.

The Shrewsbury Town football kit made a hollywood film appearance in the classic rock tale Spinal Tap. Derek Smalls wore the famous amber and blue kit whilst being searched at customs and hiding a cucumber in his pants and that's not all! ;)

[edit] Reasons to stay away from this town

1 you will get stabbed in the ass by angry farmers with pitchforks

2 you will be kidnapped by ghosts

3 you will go insane when you see the price of food in this place

4 the only place to park your car is in the river

5 Charles Darwin roams the streets looking for fresh meat

6 Telford is within a 15 mile radius ( if you visit telford, chances are you have aids. i would get checked. seriously.)

7 One Shrewsbury Resident, known as Max Brown, should be avoided at all costs! he is reconisable by the arsenal football shirt and unhealthy sounding scooter. short term exposure to Max can result in you contracting AIDs long term exposure causes stupidness and an uncontrolable craving for weed!

This article was mentioned in the Shropshire star, further diminishing what little credibility the media had left.