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“I love what you did with the shiitake?”
The shiitake mushroom(pronounced Shit-taking) (Japanese: 椎茸, literally "fecal mushroom" or "shitty mushroom"), sometimes called Chinese ass mushrooms or black anus mushrooms,"the mushroom that nastied in the pasty", and " the George Bush mushroom," are edible mushrooms typically cultivated on the Crapinous Shiit tree. Two Chinese variant names for high grades of shiitake are dogshiitake ("canine poop mushroom") and hocknugget ("ass explosion mushroom," which has a flower-like diarrhea spray pattern on the cap); both are produced at warm temperatures in the bowels of Crapinous Shiit trees. Quite often the trees become Bat Fuck Insane after releasing the mushrooms.
Shiitake have many uses in Poop Cuisine. They are served in muck soup and also as an ingredient in many messy dishes. Indigenous Australians, also known as dingoes have been eating shiitake for many centuries. Ancient Australians, dating back to 3121 B.C have been cultivating these mushrooms for almost 12 years now. They use metal machines we call tonkas to move them from the mines of Moria to the warehouses in Cairo, Egypt.
Shiitake are often dried and sold as preserved food in packages. These must be rehydrated by soaking in water before using. Many people prefer liquid shiitake to solid, considering that the sun-drying process reduced the flavour and texture to crap. The corny stuff is rarely used in any cuisine primarily because they're harder and take longer to cook than the soft squishy parts.
edit Medicinal use
Shiitake has been researched for medicinal benefits, most notably their anti-constipation properties in laboratory mice. These studies, the earliest dating back to 1720, have also identified the fact that the scent affects the medicinal properties, and is the active compound responsible for the effects. Extracts from shiitake mushrooms have also been researched for many other immunological benefits, ranging from repulsion properties for priests to possible treatments for severe shits. Monkeys have found them to be useful substitutes for Heroin.
edit How to find Shiitake Shrooms
Many people believe that they are found in Japan, however this has become found to be false. They actually originated in the small island of Australia where they are picked, laced with LSD then sold to terrorist groups Al Shiitake and Mushroom Jihad. A common misconception is that the mushroom actually has roots, this is also untrue, and usually resembles a dog turd that is standing upright.
In Australia, where the "mushroom" is most commonly found, a Beaver is usually put on a leash and led around parks to sniff them out. When the beaver finds one, the Australian gets out his spade and digs a 40 x 40 cm square around the mushroom, as not to disturb it and keep it as fresh as possible. When the earth around the mushroom is noticably disturbed, the mushroom quickly undergoes metamorphisis and turns white, rendering it completely and utterly tasteless, and producing a less profitable form we have come to know as speed.
Prior to tracking the Shiitake mushroom, a male tarantula is used to ejaculate it's poison onto the face of the beaver, which releases a gas known as ass leakage. When the ass leakage is inside the beaver, it immediately starts it's search for the mushroom. Scientists to this day still don't know what the ass leakage does to the beaver to make it act this way, but they are on the path to finding out quickly
Snakes are also great at finding shiitake, they generally rely on freshly grown shiitake for it's warmth during those cold winter nights where the snake would normally burrow underground with it's large paddle like arms, but this caused the snake to undergo extreme metamorphisis, something it can only do when it's power level reached over 9000.
Takea, Shitzo. (1924). Poop Cuisine, A Simple Art.
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