Shichimenchou
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“All you'll ever need to know about combining industrial hardware and indigenous fauna!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Shichimenchou
Shichimenchou (七面鳥) is the ancient Australian art of grafting parts of living animals with parts with of rudimentary tools, such as the Duckhammer, quite handy for aquatic sidewalk maintenance. It was started in the year 1983 as a joke. Bill Clinton was quoted as saying "So if I had a Duckhammer... I would do aquatic sidewalk maintenance!" before chuckling himself into an epileptic fit and leaving a trail of pre-pubescent yellow ducks in a pentagram behind him.
[edit] Common Uses Of Shichimenchou
- Llama cutter (now with eye beams)
- Walkman wombat
- Duck hammer
- Turkey wafflemaker
- Bottle-nosed dolphin bottle-opener
- Tortoise landmine (slow albeit, but deadly against huns)
- Cat drop saw (the primary call sounds like: MEEEEEEEEEEEOOWWWWWWWWWW)
- Elephant tweezers ("able to grasp delicate tree trunks and jeeps")
- Albatross universal adapter
- Lion blowtorch
- Polar bear 3-speed-oscillating-pedestal-fan
- Goldfishingrod
- Chameleon rasp
- Badger jigsaw
[edit] How Can I Attach My Pizza Cutter To My Llama?
It's quite simple. Firstly, remove any unnecessary organs like livers and kidneys (don't worry, most animals have spares in case this sort of thing happens). Then, attach a 240 V source to any major orifice and proceed to attach the required hardware. If you are using an unpowered device, in this case a pizza cutter, you can redirect the 240 V source into the animals eyes to provide it with adequate eye beams. These act as fog-lights in situations when they are necessary, for example, cutting pizza at midnight at a deserted crossroad. Then simply clean up the remaining organs, send them to "McDonald's hamburger meat donation fund care of the RSPCA," plug 'em in and woo-hoo, you're set to cut pizza with your llama or bop along with your Walkman Wombat.
