Shenmoo

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Shenmoo
Shenmoo
The cover of Shenmoo featuring, Ryo the Cow, Nozomi the Goat, and Lan Di the Cat.
Developer(s) Sega
Release date Before the Dreamcast died
Genre Role Playing Game
Platform(s) Dreamcast
Rating T "Terrible"
Would Jackson Leist play it? Depends on their blood alcohol content.
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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Shenmoo.

Shenmoo is an adventure role playing game released and developed by Sega, published by Sega, and pissed on by Sega. Mi Socky, director of the game, coined the term "PUSSY" (Playing Under Sexually Suggestive You), based on the fact that the player (you) could get into all kinds of sexual situations, and in one case actually "be under" another character in the game. The game also features a "magic weather system" in which at any time during the game it might rain or snow anything from gumdrops to candy apples to bullshit. Shenmoo was going to be part of a long line of "cow themed" games for the Dreamcast, however, due to the poor sales of the system, the other games which included: Ryo the Cow in: Journy to Africa, and Cow Fu were instead ported to the CrapStation 2 instead.

edit Story

The nonfiction story of Shenmoo begins in 2019, when Ryo the Cow builds a time machine to go back to 1986, to prevent the death of his great grandfather. When he arrives back in 1986, in the town of Doughboy-Burrito he notices a strange cat in the dojo. The cat calls himself Lan Di the Cat. Lan Di claws Ryo's great grandfather while looking for the Rooster Comb and the Chicken Brush. He finds the Chicken Brush but unable to find the Rooster Comb he gets in his limo and leaves. Ryo too late to prevent the death of his great grandfather decides to live in his house and milk his wife while he searches for Lan Di.

Ryo starts harassing everyone in town, breaking into their houses, and robbing the local tomato shop in hopes of finding a clue that might lead him to his great grandfather's killer. During this time Ryo finds a stray kitten. He takes it with him and sets it in a cardboard box (not realizing that this kitten would later grow up to be Solid Snake). Ryo feeds the kitten every day and slowly forgets about finding Lan Di. That is until Ryo, noticing a resemblance between the kitten and the cat that killed his great grandfather realizes that this kitten (who he now calls Mimi not realizing it's a boy) is actually the illegitimate son of Lan Di. Ryo quickly realizes this, but finds it uninteresting, and instead goes back to the dojo where he randomly finds a map that tells exactly where Lan Di was going to be, and it points him to the harbor.

After arriving in the harbor, Ryo is attacked by the Depressed Angles. With their leader, a octopus calling himself "Squidward" they tie Ryo up and make him watch as they kill a hobo. Luckily he is saved by Master Chen the Pig, along with his son Wen the pig. They beat off the Depressed Angels with a large stick, and invite Ryo to their home, which happens to be a warehouse. Inside the three of them have tea and discuss boxes, that is until Ryo remembers to ask them about the Rooster Comb and the Chicken Brush. Hearing these words causes Chen to have a heart attack. Wen, being the good son he is, throws his father on a frying pan and makes bacon out of the poor bastard. Ryo and Wen then dine on the remains of Chen while Wen explains the the Rooster Comb is a ancient artifact with mysterious power, and he must find it before Lan Di does, for if he did, he would use the combined power of the Rooster Comb and the Chicken Brush to turn the world into a cat-topia.

Ryo goes home and randomly finds the Rooster Comb laying on the floor. He then takes it to Wen who tells him that he must go after Lan Di who already left the harbor. Ryo is about to board a ship when he is attacked by Gollum. The two duke it out until Ryo is thrown to the ground and is about to be disemboweled by Gollum, but before he can do so, Gollum falls to the ground dead. It is then revealed that Squidward shot Gollum, because he owned Ryo and Wen thanks for popping his nose back into place with that large stick earlier. Squidward walks into the sunset and tells the two that his name is actually Michael Jackson. Ryo boards the boat and sails off to Hong Kong, while Wen shouts to him "Wait! I never told you where Lan Di was going you idiot!"

edit KTB

KTB, or "Kill That Bitch" sequences randomly occure throught the game. At which point the player must pick up their controller and swing it wildly around the room in an attempt to kill "The Bitch". The Bitch is a character who randomly appears and tries to kill your character unless they swing their controller. Failing to do so will result in a video playing where Rick Astley sings "Never Gonna Give You Up". At this point the words "YOU JUST GOT RICK ROLL'D MOTHA FUCKA!" flash on screen.

edit Trivia

  • Shenmoo originally came with a passport that allowed you to travel back in time like Ryo does in the game, but this was quickly scrapped when one of the staff went back in time and became the original Hitler.
  • A Shenmoo II, III, Shenmoo 1560, and Shemoo: Return of the Mooers was planned for release on the Dreamcast and Pico, but this idea was quickly discarded when the executives realized no one in their right mind would want to play as a cow.
  • In the Xbox game Destroy All Humans! one of the cows that are probed at the begining of the game is in fact Ryo.

edit See also

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Shenmoo is part of Uncyclopedia's series on Mass Media.
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