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Sheep shagging was first practised in 1563 as a competition to see how many sheep could be brought to orgasm in 5 minutes. The game was exceedingly popular in small Welsh towns and was commonly played at local town fêtes and wedding receptions. It was not long before the idea moved from just a game into one of the most popular Welsh pastimes. Pretty soon the concept spread to London, where it peaked interest with the male members of the royal family and became even more popular than royal cousin shagging, as the sheep could be roasted afterwards, removing all evidence. From there it has been carried to other lands, where strange people live in their little mud houses, watching their brand new plasma screen TV's. As time progressed, the game of sheep shagging died out and sheep shagging ceased to be a social event; however, its concept remains popular to this day, especially among the Welsh, which most often practised it at 11:15pm every night, after the local pubs have closed.
The men are not the only one who divulge in sheep debauchery, but the women (from first post coital experience) often prefer the rams, as the sex only lasts 10 seconds, and involves no talking afterwards.
Sheep shagging is the biggest Welsh pastime nowadays, and is responsible for such cross breeding abominations as Tom Jones and Steve Strange.
Why Shag sheep?
There are many reasons that sheep are used. And these are the following:
- You are from County Kerry, Ireland
- They are rather weak animals and will not put up too much of a fight
- Sheep are sexy
- Sheep are juuuuuuust right
Sheep shaggers enjoy numerous other benefits too. They can sleep soundly without need to worry about getting STDs. Sheep are clean and holy, unlike women that become unclean at least once a month. Best of all, sheep never nags, complains, or fights.
Incidentally, if your personality type is INTJ, you might be especially drawn to sheep. INTJ personality is too socially inept to procure relations with the opposite sex. Consequently, INTJ people tend to resort to sheep for companionship. To wit, many famous INTJ people, including Issac Newton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and C. S. Lewis, have been privately (if not publicly) known to be sheep shaggers at one point or another.
Notwithstanding all the reasons above, you don't really need a reason to shag sheep. As NIKE advised, just do it! You will probably like it. (But please read on for the potential consequences before embarking on this endeavour.)
Peter Lamb loves shagging sheep so much, he changed his surname.
The results of Sheep Shagging
There are side effects to sheep shagging. One of these is the urge to move to Platteville, Wisconsin and become a sheep farmer. Now, although this has its upsides, such as a constant supply of horny farm animals, a big sheltered wooden barn for "you know what" and the right to sit on a ledge on a rocking chair next to an empty field with a shot gun saying "Damn youngins. Get offa my land!" There are also the following not-so-good sides to this way of life:
- Sore teeth from all that straw you will have to chew on dates just out of hopes of "scoring" afterward.
- Big red lines down your chest from those suspenders (many sheep will find this a turn-off).
- You could get arrested, which is very good if you are bursting for your first criminal record.
- You might end up speaking Welsh and have to ask Boudicca to translate.