Sheep shagging
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“Some times the sheep just needs to be pushed through the fence”
~ Scary Movie 3 on sheep shagging
Sheep shagging was first practised in 1563 by a vicar named Dickus Van Hufflegoof, as a competition as to how many sheep could be brought to orgasm in 5 minutes. The game was very popular in towns and was commonly played at town fates and wedding receptions. It was not long until the idea moved from just a game into one of the most popular pastimes. Pretty soon the concept spread to England, where it became even more popular with the royal family than cousin shagging. From there it has been carried to all sorts of other lands, where strange people live in their little mud houses, watching their brand new plasma screen Tv's. As time progressed the game of sheep shagging died out and sheep shagging was no longer a social event however its concept remains to this day in the hearts of lonely farmers.
[edit] Why sheep?
There are many reasons that sheep are used. And these are the following:
- They are rather weak animals and will not put up too much of a fight
- Stephen Martin was one of the first to practice sheep shagging regularly
- They seem to be found in just about every corner of the earth thus are easy to get hold of.
- Fluffy wool not only makes for good handles but it also aids in soft comfortable interaction.
- Sheep are sexy
- Sheep have very stretchy anuses which remain tight on a variety of different penis sizes.
- Sheep are just the right size for anything smaller, like a gerbil, would be pointless involving large quantities of parcel tape to stop it being torn in two and anything bigger, like a horse, would be too risky.
[edit] The results of Sheep Shagging
If the sheep that is being shagged is old it may have a rather scratchy arsehole and the Shagger is likely to end up with a sore foreskin. The sorer and more withered a sheep shagger's penis is, the more accomplished and respected he is.
The result of impregnating a sheep (which is most likely to occur during foreplay) is the sheep giving to a Tublet or a baby Telly Tubby. In the result of a Telly Tubby breeding with a Human is the Hippy and the result of a Telly Tubby mating with a Sheep is a Boohbah, the second most feared creature in the Universe, second to the Grue.
There are other side effects to sheep shagging. One of these is the urge to move to Platteville, WI and become a sheep farmer. Now although this has its up sides such as a constant supply of horny farm animals, a big sheltered wooden barn for " you know what " and the right to sit on a ledge on a rocking chair next to an empty field with a shot gun saying "damn youngins. get offa my land!" There are also the no-so-good sides to this way of life and these are as follows
- sore teeth from all that straw you will have to chew
- big red lines down your chest from those suspenders[many sheep will find this a turn off]
- lack of cheesy puffs
- Abbreviation becomes obligatory to the point of insanity
- pirates become you enemy making them redundant as sex slaves.
