From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
The Shatkins Diet is a diet developed by William Shatner and first written about in 1995 in his award winning book Shatkins the New Diet Revolution. The diet took on considerable popularity after he stared on hit ABC show Boston legal. Currently 33 million copies have been sold in the US and 50 million more around the world in 5 other languages Spanglish, zwahili, Klingon, Pig Latin, and Elfish. Shatner plans for a 3rd addition of the book to appear on shelfs June 2008.
Although the Shatkins New Diet Revolution had first been published in 1995 Shatner says he has always been on his Shatkins diet.
"It's something I just did, ever since I started eating, I never though it was a diet or that it would change the world or anything, it was just how I ate" (Shatkins, 47).
Shatner says his diet is the way we humans fundamentally should eat, in-fact in 1984 he published an article about the health aspects of the way he ate in the New York post, although the article didn't garner much attention. In 1989 one Shatners close friends intrigued by Shatners philosophy about human dietary practices suggested that Shatner write a book about his his philosophy. Shatner wrote his book on again and off again for years, and after completing it he had to find a publisher to print it. Spending almost as much time trying to find a publisher as he did writing the book, the controversial book finally hit store shelves in 1995. However the book did not sell very well for nearly 10 years, at-least until Shatner regained popularity as an actor through Boston Legal. After being part of a successful show for the first time in his life people flocked to his book and bought it in record numbers, so fast no other site or information medium could even record the speed at which the books were sold. Many critics use this to undermine the books integrity by claiming it is more of a fad diet than an actual life changing thing. Some critics have even gone as far as saying the diet can kill you, which other critics have pointed out is actually pretty life changing.
Shatkins Diet Theory
One of the reasons why people may have rushed to the Shatkins Diet because of Boston legal was because the show gave people a look at how Shatner looks now. Shatner despite being in his seventies still looks healthy and vibrant, although that may be in part due to plastic surgery, but Shatner insists that it's his diet that kept him so healthy. Shatner insists that his diet is not a diet, its more of a life style.
"Shatkins has always been more of a life style for me than a diet, it's something you live by, not use and then your through with it"(Shatkins, 98).
The basic theory behind his diet is that food is not just there to keep the body functioning and working, but also to nourish the soul. This metaphysical approach has caused Shatner to develop the 4 food groups. Hamburger, Beef, Sirloin, and Angus. He says that these are the same food groups our ancestors must have used, which enabled them to survive in harsh ice age climates. He says that since our ancestors were best off on that kind of diet, the modern population would be well off to because there are just a few thousand year separating us between them. Much to Shatner's delight many people are already on this diet (or on a similar path) and don't even know it. Thanks to innovations like McDonalds, and Burger King even the poorest among us can indulge in the Shatkins diet.
Popularity can mainly be traced to teenage males who have clinged on to the diet like Aquatic Parasites stick to trousers. The popularity can be partially traced to recent network reruns of Star Trek which have given many Teenage males the impression that Shatner is a stud and they want to be just like him. The Studly image is backed up with Boston Legal where Shatner still plays a character who is a womenizing hotshot. Thus teenage boys have been picking up the Shatkins diet while there waist lines expand. Shatner says that although your waist expands, thats exactly what you want because fat cells give off hormones that make you feel happier and reduces your fertility. Thus Fatter teenage males have been getting more dates because of there new attractive studly appearance. Middle aged men going through mid life crisies have also picked up the Shatkins diet because they go and do what ever there teenage counter parts do. Teenage women also seeing mens success on the dating area are also picking up the Shatkins diet in hopes to pick up a date with their new attractive bodies. Millions of people have picked up the diet and now we have wonderful happy fat people all over the place. You can't go around a corner with out seeing a wonderful attractive fat person anymore.
Leading Critic Oscar Wilde against the diet says that it is too dangerous a diet to market to people because of its nature to increase individuals weight. He has noticed a dangerous increase in the amount of airline fuel correlating to the success of the Shatkins diet along with the increase in the nations weight. Over the past 10 years the average annual airline fuel used has increased by 40 million gallons, mainly because the people are weighing down the planes. This increases our dependence on foreign oil tremendously. It also increases the amount of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere which causes Global Panic. Wilde predicts that at the rate our nations average waistline is increasing by the year 2050 the only way we'll be able to stay air borne is if we bring back the zeppelin. Also the increase of peoples weight has lead to plus sized ambulances, plus sized houses, plus sized resorts, plus sized stores, and even plus sized caskets for dead fat people. Wilde predicts that if every body dies at the size they are, the size necessary for caskets to be will cause to rainforest to be completely gone in 2080. Shatner insists that the allegations against his theory are completely misguided and the weight gain of the population is only circumstantially tied to the popularity of his diet, Shatner insist that there are other factors at play than just his book.