Shamanism in England

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Ghostrider01
An image of Ole Ratherfoward's spirit guide, Bald Beaver, captured through Kirilian Photography.

Shamism is NOT a cult [it is a recognised branch of paganism which IS a vaild Religion] which is growing in stature. The leading proponent in England is Ole Ratherforward, the founder of Budgie Wing.

edit Ole Ratherfoward and the Birth of Shamanism

Ole was born in the late 1930’s; he was the son of a Solicitor, but we don’t know who his father was. After a mediocre period as a failure at Public School, he entered the motor industry as a trainee, where he became a mediocre failure. He then transferred to the aircraft industry as a trainee, and achieved mediocre failure once more. At this point his deferment from National Service expired and he joined the Army, which was not his forte either. In fact it is believed that his efforts were responsible for hastening the abolition of National Service by about two years.

Eventually Ole was managing a factory making steel cans and drums, when, in his own words, “I couldn’t see the point of bumming around with a load of drums, so I had the bright idea of drumming around a load of bums instead”.

Visiting a girlfriend in San Francisco, he found that the only way to avoid being deported was to pretend to be a student, so he took a degree in Holistic Psychology at Antioch University. This apparently involved staring at a hole for five years, trying to work out what it was thinking about.

On return to England, fired up by mixing with all the weirdos over there, he decided to find some over here too, and started Budgie Wing, giving training in Sham arts such as incessant nose-flute playing and gazing at pictures of dead Peruvians.

According to Ole in his ‘Princes of Shamism’, many consider the drum to be the single most consciousness-moving, healing artifact in human life. It keeps man from getting lost, calling him back to our here and now when it is time – many people find a GPS set does the same thing without all the caterwauling.

edit An Interview with Ole

We interviewed Ole to find out more about his work:

Us: Why did you call your organization Budgie Wing?

Ole: I was going to call it Eagle Wing, but somebody pointed out that Eagles eat meat, and Shamism is supposed to appeal to vegetarians, so I decided on Budgie.

Us: Tell us what a Budgie weekend is like.

Ole. We all meet up in some tacky place near the woods, and start off feeling each other. I think I am the origin of the expression “I feel a little queer”, by the way. Then we all undress and robe ourselves in towels, and have what we call a Sweatlodge. This is supposed to make everyone aware of their one-ness with the earth, particularly if you’ve seen the state of our towels.

Us: And then you dance, I believe?

Ole. Yes, dancing became a very important thing after the first weekend when we accidentally started off on a wood-ant’s nest. We found that so enjoyable that we have incorporated it ever since. Dancing leads to a higher level of spirituality – you become aware of the basis of your existence – your feet!

Us: You studied with Indian tribes?

Ole. Yes, one of my proudest moments was when the Comanche made me a blood brother with the name Cochinkeekee.

Us: What does that mean?

Ole: Er – Dances with Prats, actually.

Us. You charge for these weekends, so as a business are you registered for VAT?

Ole: No speakum paleface language very well, must go now.

edit Forthcoming Budgie Wing Events.

June 21. Sham Music at Stonehenge Car Park. Ole Ratherforward (drums and clarinet); Brian Sphincter (Bessarabian nose-flute); Britney Lloyd Webber (washboard and air guitar); The Petomane Sisters.

June 30. Hitler was a Moon Goddess - David Irving. Kensington Centre for Judaism.

July 15. How to exorcise your Blair Witch. Sedgefield Costituency Labour Meeting rooms.

August 1. Inca Dinca Doo-doo. John Moon shows his collection of fossilised faeces at the Natural History Museum.

August 15. Understand your Inner Self Series, No. 6 - the Prostate. Ole Ratherforward explains how catheterisation releases the pent up flow of inner consciousness. Colchester Hospital Out-Patient Dept.

August 23. Weekend Workshop (hands-off). Change the Whole Complexion of your Life - the well-known Sham Michael Jackson shows how. Winchester Community Prison.

September 5. My Mother Made me a Shaman - Ole Ratherforward shows you how. Wool and knitting needles supplied. East Wittering Women's institute.


edit See Also

Personal tools
projects