Shadow the Hedgehog

SHADOW IS SO FUCKING HOT!!!!!!!!!!!! STATES MILLIONS OF FANGIRLS ALL OVER THE WORLD

[edit] The Book of Adventures II

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Shadow the Hedgehog.

The Book of Adventures II, shown here.

Dr. Eggman, the grandson of Prof. Gerald Robotnik, learned of the creation of Shadow by his grandfather. Deliberately defying God's will, Eggman set forth to free Shadow before the end of the world. Shadow emerging from his deep slumber, swore revenge on the world, for the death of Maria Robotnik, the granddaughter of Gerald Robotnik, and his only friend. Shadow uses the power of the Chaos Emeralds, to unleash the power of the Heavenly Eclipse Cannon.

Shadow soon found out though, that God expected him to do this (all knowing as he is), and he had Gerald reprogram the Ark, so now it would crash into Earth destroying Shadow and all the abominations with it. Shadow quickly realizes that God had not intended for the Earth to be destroyed, but rather that Satan had orchestrated all these events (including the death of Maria) in order for Shadow to destroy everything, and allow him and his army of plumbers to reign supreme. Shadow, (along with the help of Sonic) used their Chaos Control to put the Ark back in the Earth's orbit. Shadow using up all his strength to prevent the destruction of the planet, fell to earth in a fiery blaze.

[edit]

[edit] The Book of Heroes

However, that was not the last of the black and red hedgehog. The Lord felt sorry for the little guy. He decided that being one of his creations and as a reward for saving the Earth, Shadow would get another chance. The Lord wiped Shadow's memories clean, so he would remember nothing of his past, and could start anew.

God had a new plan for Shadow though. He sent Rouge the Bat along with E-123 Omega to partner with Shadow, thus creating Team Dark. Sonic along with his disciples, Tails and Knuckles (who had been waning in influence that of late), would create Team Sonic, Amy Rose, Big the Cat, Cream the Rabbit, would create Team Rose, and Vector, Espio, and Charmy, would create Team Chaotix. God did this as to have four holy trinities instead of a mere one.

However, all was not well. Instead of completing their mission, Team Dark instead had threesomes (an anatomical impossibility considering the fact that: E-123 Omega is in fact a machine, Rouge the Bat, is indeed a bat, and perhaps most perplexing off all, is the fact that Shadow has no genitalia of any kind so to speak). God saw this abomination and he lay a curse upon Shadow. He allowed Shadow's memories to start returning to him, but God also destroyed any memories of who Shadow truly was. This made Shadow extremely confused, and would be the start of the motorcycle-riding, gun-trotting, angst filled Book of Emo.

[edit] The Book of the Emo

Shadow the Hedgehog, showing off his badass-ness!

God giveth Shadow guns, motorcycles, and badass Chaos abilities. With his new gifts, Shadow would be able to "do anything whatever hell he damn please" or so said God. However, there was one slight problem, Shadow was unable to understand even the most basic concepts, such as: Who he was, the difference between a hedgehog and an android, Maria, who he was, who everyone else was, the difference between good and evil, who he was, and did I mention, who he was?

During this time, the false prophet Black Doom returned to Earth, along with a army of politically incorrect "Black Aliens". He delivered a message from God, claiming that God demanded Shadow collect the seven Chaos Emeralds. Shadow did as Black Doom told. He helped Black Doom and did everything he said, but somehow Shadow got sidetracked and he started helping G.U.N. as well. After a while he even began helping the mad scientist and grandson of Gerald Robotnik, Dr. Eggman. Somehow, Shadow ended up helping: Sonic, Tails, Espio, Colonel Sanders, Your Mom, a giraffe, and George Washington's Ghost.

Then, over the course of a series of months (days? Hours maybe? Shadow doesn't have a good perception of time), Shadow finally collected the final Chaos Emerald. He then brought them to Black Doom who used them warp his comet down to earth. Then he transform into the newest incarnation of Satan, known as: Devil Doom. Shadow did battle with Devil Doom, and although he was triumphant, the Black Comet of Sephiroth has already managed to land on Earth. Shadow used his Chaos Control to teleport the comet into space and use the Heavenly Eclipse Cannon to destroy it (but he also did it cause explosions kick ass). It was at this point that Shadow vowed to let go of his past, and never deal with this bullcrap ever again.

[edit] Sonic 2006

We don't talk about it. Probably because Shadow kills you if you do. But we'll tell you anyway! In short: Shadow work for G.U.N. (who, might I add, killed his best friend). G.U.N. tell Shadow to find "Captured Agent". Shadow find "Captured Agent" in bed with Knuckles and they were- I MEAN "CAPTURED AGENT" ROUGE WAS ON MISSION to find stick with too many smoke effects coming off. Rouge was showing off, and drop stick. Stick shattered. Even more smoke come from broken stick, whilst Shadow thinks, 'If I keep standing emotionless, maybe I'll get some of my lost fangirls back.... Shadow? Horribly wrong.

Then, no pun intended by any other than SEGA, Shadow's shadow dissapears, and creature comes out of ground. Creature thanks Shadow for freeing him in a creepy voice, which turns out to be Dan Green. It is no wonder Knuckles's fangirls' numbers have declined since then. Anyway, Shadow, in a terrible idea by SEGA, *gasps* DOESN'T REMEMBER HIM! Then Mephiles sends Shadow and Rouge into "Strange, Scary Place of Death"...the one other than Chuck Norris's daydreams.

Quote: The Book of Sonic 2006, 45:7-14 'Ye Bshie and Ye Slut were senteth into another time, where Slut concluded that they were 200 years into the future. There, they found Ye Speedy Gonzalos Rip-off, Ye Secret 8-Year Old Druggie, and Ye Playmate of Slut, who be fallingeth on thee heads.

S8YOD exclaimed, "Slut! Bishie!"

Slut responded, "Long timeth no seeth thee," of which Slut would later try to make into thee's catchprase. Bishie, Slut, SGRO, S8YOD, and PoS meteth outside, whereth they concluded that the two hedgehogs, with their freakishy long hair, could sendeth the five back in time.'

Rouge is smart and goes through the portal, but Shadow sees Mephiles, and decides, "Naw, I'll skip my only chance of going back to my time... instead, I'll stay in this screwed future to kick this guy outta existance, even though, if I do, it'll just mean he'll still be alive IF I ever return to my own time-" While he was thinking this the portal dissapeared, trapping him in the future without a choice. "Damn! The portal dissapeared, so I'm trapped here without a choice!" ... I just said that, idiot.

So, Shadow battles Mephiles, blah blah blah blah blah, Mephiles turns into even more freakish crystalline form, blah blah blah, E-123 Omega shows up, blah blah blah blah, Shadow escapes and goes back to present, bla bla bla bla bla, et cetera, et cetera.

Eventually, he meats up with Sonic, who, once again, is getting beaten up by Silver and his low-rating psycokinetics. Shadow intervears, causing a few things: 1) Sonic is able to escape to try and catch Elise 2) Silver mistakes Shadow for Mephiles. He obviously didn't notice that Mephiles has grey streaks and no mouth 3) The Sonadow yaoi fangirls scream seeing the prince rescue the other prince 4) Silver, showing he no true loyalty after living with only Blaze for 14 years, starts attacking 'Mephiles'. Shadow uses Chaos Control to freeze time (Since when can he do that?), and shows Silver just how much power he really has over the Emeralds.

Quote: The Book of Sonic 2006, 142:9-21 '"Chaos Control!" Shadow did yelleth. He knocked Silver to the ground whilst time be-eth frozen...eth. "Thee are not a match for me, the Chaos Emeralds, OR my hair! Seriously, yours? it makes you look kinda like a three-horned unicorn... you're, like, a tri-a-corn!"

Silver could've used this oppertunity to counter-counter-attack, but instead he decided to drone on and on about how he 'musn't lose' for 'the sake of the future' for the 8 billionth time. No, wait, 8 billion and 4th time. In desperation, and he IS desperate, he pulls out the Blue Chaos Emerald that Blaze told him to keep for good luck. Somehow, he was able to induce Chaos Control (How, no one knows. Not SEGA, not Silver himself.) at the same time as Shadow. "Falloweth me if ye want to know the truth."

Silver stands for a moment, alone with his thoughts. 'Truth? What truth? Maybe it'll be the answer to why I've always felteth shy around Blaze! Well, whatever it is, he's not Mephiles, so it must be something he didn't want me to see. So, I can listen to this guy, the Iblis Trigger, and Amy, or I can listen to the mouthless guy that I just met.' Silver did showeth that he actually has more brain cells than that of Knuckles, and fallowed Shadow througheth yonder portal.

Inside the portal Shadow and Silver find Duke of Soleanna. The Solaris Project the Duke was working on went haywire and exploded, however just at that moment, the princess just HAPPENED to come running into the room. The Duke sayeth to his daughter, "Biatch, what are you doingeth in hereth? Is it taketh your daughter to worketh day...eth?" The Duke jumped in front of the princess (most likely trying to push her out of the way in an attempt to escape to safety), and was wounded in the ensuing blast. Just then, Shadow and Silver arrived and saw the birth of Iblis, and Mephiles.

"What the helleth happened here?!" Shadow demanded to know, before remembering, he wasn't allowed to curse in this game. "That flame... is it, Iblis?!" Silver questioned. "Duh!" Shadow answered, "and that blackish goo on the floor. It tis Mephiles! Looking nothing like he did earlier in thee game! Go after Iblis. Change thy future, you must." The Duke with his last once of stregth spoketh to Shadow, one final time, "seal it in this." Shadow stared at the Duke before asking, "What does thy imply by 'it'? Does thou not mean Mephiles? In such case, thy should address it as 'him', for Mephiles is a being, no different from thou or I, my good lord." But the Duke was dead, and with that Shadow grabbed the Scepter.

Shadow ran after Mephiles and after spending hours running through the underground lab of Soleanna (Mephiles is a fast little devil) he finally caught up to Mephiles. "Who art thou?" Mephiles squawked. "Thou may address I as, Shadow the Hedgehog, thee second most popular character in the series, though I thinketh that's just a typo." Shadow spoke. "Shadow... your face... your form... I shall remember." Mephiles said as he was absorbed into the Scepter of Darkness. "You doeth that." Shadow said.

Shadow walked outside to find Silver holding the princess in his arms. He assumed he had his wayeth with her. Silver set the princess down under a tree, and Shadow set the Scepter beside her. "Woudst yon Scepter, be safeth in thy grasps, rather than thee past? Wilt thou leaveth behind?" Silver questionedeth Shadow. "What? I can't understand a word you're saying. Use your words big boy. Speakedy English?!" Shadow spoke. "Oh, sorry." Silver answered. Shadow and Silver opened a portal into the present and in they went.

"What did you see in the past?" Rouge asked right as Shadow appeared. "How did you know about that?" Shadow asked. "Wikipedia." Rough responded. Later E-123 Omega went to fight Mephiles on the beach. Shadow and Rough followed behind, only to learn that Omega captures Shadow in the future. "Shadow. In. The. Future. I. Was. The. One. Who. Captured. You. Despite. The. Fact. That. You're. The. Ultimate. Life. Form. And. You're. Invincible. And. Super. Powerful. And. Not. Even. Black. Doom. Could. Defeat. You. And. If. I. Was. In. The. Future. Fighting. Mephiles. With. You. Then. How. Could. I. Capture. You? These. Paradoxes. Make. No. Sense." Omega informed Shadow, only talking for a day and a half. "Shadow? Aren't you going to cry? Or... cut yourself?" Rouge asked. Shadow stared blankly at Rouge before replying, "I'm not emo Rouge! I never display ANY emotion, I'm more like the video game version of Nancy Pelosi than anything."

Then Shadow, Rouge, and Omega followed Mephiles to the pyramids, where he revealed that... he needs the Chaos Emeralds (how shocking). Shadow tries to seal him in a Scepter he found, that just happened to be laying around, but Mephiles reveals that when he took on Shadow's form, he got so powerful he can't be held in a scepter made of cardboard like a common Solid Snake. Mephiles then somehow clones himself, probably through stem cells (won't Bush be pissed?!), and he then asks Shadow one last time to join him... or something. I don't know, I wasn't paying attention at this point. Or so says the Bible. Shadow then took off his rings, and told Mephiles, "screw you! Screw you and your little dog too!" Somehow Shadow gained the power of a million Supermen, and blasted through all of Mephiles' clones. Shadow spoketh one last time and said, "drat! I need those rings! No one will know I'm a pimp without my bling! Aw, forget it. I guess I'll just collect my social security. Hey, I AM over fifty!" And with that, The Book of Sonic 2006 came to a close. End Quote

[edit] Alleged Rape

Shadow, Sonic, and Silver in a police line-up accused of raping Amy Rose

During the summer of 2008, Shadow was brought to court along with the two other hedgehogs, Sonic, and Silver. It was believed that they were involved in the rape and kidnapping of recent rape victim Amy Rose. Shadow pleaded not guilty quoting "I wouldn't touch that [Amy] with a thirty nine and a half foot pole." It was later revealed that it was Knuckles the Echidna, who acted alone in the rape and kidnapping of Amy Rose. However, the alleged rape charges hurt Shadow's career, and his appearance in The Book of Unleashed Adventures was later cut, by God.

[edit] The Sonic and Shadow Show

[edit] Creation

During the wilderness years of Sonic 2006 and The Book of Unleashed Adventures, popularity for Sonic and co. had dipped, Shadow more than most. To try and boost reputations, Sonic and Shadow decided to create and star in an odd couple sitcom called The Sonic and Shadow Show.

[edit] Premise

The Sonic and Shadow Show: The hit TV show coming soon to Fox!

Sonic was cast as the cool douche bag with not a care in the world and an eye for the ladies. Shadow was the strict all work and no play sort constantly getting angry at Sonic's antics. This led to Shadow's famous catchphrase of the show: " Soniiiic! Why you be messing up my shiz! ". It remains one the most copied catchphrases ever.

The most popular part of the show were the spontaneous musical numbers in every episode. The stand out songs were "I Must So Not Be Emo!", "Super Sonic Poontang", and "Knuckles Go Fuck You Up" featuring Knuckles the Echidna. These three songs were released as singles throughout the world over the course of the show's run and were hugely successful, giving Shadow his first solo number one hit.

[edit] Scandal

Throughout it's broadcast, there was a strong belief that Shadow's character was suppose to have gay tendencies for Sonic. In every interview they did together, Sonic would further stoke such theories, angering Shadow. Things came to a head when Shadow, trying to prove he wasn't gay, got Sonic's real life girlfriend, Amy pregnant. Sonic was so enraged he attacked Shadow on the set, in what is the most widely sought after footage on the internet. It is rumored to be an easter egg on the DVD boxset for the series. Since this brawl the two have not spoken and was one of the reasons Shadow did not appear in The Book of Sonic Unleashed Adventures. Reports suggest that Sonic might be open to having a Sonic and Shadow Show reunion or possibly a special, but only under the circumstance that Shadow admits that he slept with Amy, and that he stops trying to upstage him every time he enters a room. Shadow has yet to comment.

[edit] Trivia

• Shadow actually dyes his fur, he went prematurely grey at the age of 6.
• It is rumored that Shadow hates peanut butter although this is yet to be confirmed.
• Shadow once ate an entire cheesecake. No it's true.
• Shadow's driving license is currently suspended after several drunk driving incidents following the failure of The Sonic and Shadow Show.
• Guns don't kill people, Shadow does. With guns.
• Shadow once was a member of Fight Club.
• Shadow had a pet gun named Gunny, sadly, Gunny contracted lead poisoning, and had to be put to sleep with his own bullet.
• It's been long suspected that Mephiles, is actually the son of Shadow, due to the striking resemblance between the two. But this can't be since everyone knows Shadow is a virgin (how he knocked Amy is up to debate).
• Shadow is a Transformer. At least he is in the sense that he transformed from an awesome villain character, into a faggy goody two shoes, who always does what's right, and never forgets to take out the trash. Ok, so he's not a Transformer like Optimus Prime is, so sue me.
• Shadow is black, and red... and white. So I guess that makes him a Caucasian-African-America-Indian-Hedgehog. Except that he was born in space, so that really doesn't count. Go figure.