Sexy
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Sexy is an adjective meaning that you have sex appeal or are attractive to the opposite sex. Of course if somebody said this applies to you, we all know this is a lie, as you fell from the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down when you were a baby. Geez, even the phrase “A face only a mother could love” didn’t apply here, unless you however are charlotte dale, taylor laughtner. Anyway, back to sexy. IMPORTANT-ROBERT PATTINSON IS NOT SEXY OR HOT
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[edit] Examples of things that are sexy
There are many wonderful things in life that are sexy (We’ve already established you are not one of them, so stop asking...), and below is a short list of things which have been coined “sexy”.
[edit] Your mom
Now this poses a problem. To me my mom is not sexy (Unless you're from the South, in which case the whole mom = sexy goddess thing is turned right on its head!), but to you she may very well be(she can dream ). Likewise, your mom is not sexy to you. So, not every mom is sexy to everyone, and simply saying “your mom” is not adequate. Even so, on the whole, your mom is sexy, just not to you. Your mom is to me, but my own mom is not. In any case I bet you now have a horrid mental picture of your mom naked or something. At least it’s not as bad as a mental picture of your parents doing it “discovery-channel” style. So yeah, whatever you do don’t think of your parents doing it! It’s just wrong (Unless, again, you’re from the South)! You sicko! Thinking of your parents… Ahh, my work here is done...
[edit] Europeans
Let’s face it, Europeans are the flavour of the month and the month is sexy! They’re hairy, smelly, the strong-but-silent type and speak a different language; heck, thinking about it so are wookies! And wookies are just not sexy unless you like the hairy, smelly and strong-but-silent type...
[edit] Microwaves
So alluring is the microwave and its sexy grip. You can look at it from a distance, gazing at its warm, sexy rays, but get too close and you’ll develop brain cancer. Such a tease... Let’s face it, microwaves are the new vibrators.
[edit] Jean-Paul Du Sentier
Jean-Paul Du Sentier was the first man to use the word "Sexy". He used it when he saw himself in a mirror, and thought to himself:
"I need to find a new word to describe how I look..."
First he thought up Doucebag
And he came up with "Sexy", but how he found that word still remains a mystery...
[edit] How to be sexy
There is no hope for you. You are doomed to a solitary existence looking at the inside of a cold paper bag that reflects the cold, cruel outside world that shunned you long ago. Maybe next time little fella... But for those of you that are not you, you may have a chance for the opposite sex to indeed coin you as "sexy"!
[edit] Sniff fingers
Nothing says sexy as hell on a first date better than the occasional finger sniff. Scratching your ass and then sniffing your fingers is an even bigger turn on to most women and scientists view this practice as an aphrodisiac. Scratching someone else’s ass and then sniffing your fingers is a big social taboo, so refrain from doing so until at least the third date or marriage.
mj
[edit] Long loving stares
Nothing says "I’m sexy" like long, loving stares. Yes, the opposite will be unable to move from your gaze (Either because of love, or the fact they think you’re a raving lunatic and are about to rape them...), and will coin you “sexy”. Growl! Don’t blink, just stare.
[edit] Spray on pheromones
Ah yes, the smell of love is in the air, and you, you sexy beast, are its cause. Literally! All you need is a can of spray-on female pheromone, and hey! Presto! Girls will be flocking to you like flies to shit, erm, decaying meat, erm flowers... Yes flies to flowers! Spray-on pheromones are sold from all leading sex shops, but if you’re really really desperate for a date, you can always substitute for a can of spray-on raccoon pheromone from all leading hunting stores.
[edit] Just Smile
Just be happy. Being optimistic is very sexy. *Editor - Retard, this is meant to be a sarcastic view on how to be sexy not an actual help guide! Godammit, you've just ruined everything! Cries...*
Fuck you alll hahahaha
[edit] Sexy people
- Your mom
- George W. Bush - Voted #1 sexiest man in Time magazine
- Kermit the Frog - I feel like frog legs now!
- Mr. Raccoon - You filthy, filthy bastard...
- Carmen Electra - That's a given.
- Cameron Diaz
- The Admins - How could they not be cool and sexy!
- Randy Orton
- JP Losman
- Bill Clinton
- Hillary Clinton - See the YouTube video
- Me
[edit] Not so sexy people
- The 1st lady - Honestly, how did she ever end up with a horn-dog like him???
- That guy which people say is not very sexy behind his back
- Abe Lincoln's mole
- Jack Thompson
- Black People
- You
[edit] Sexy phrases
We all know them, either by saying them or receiving them. Yes, you know I’m talking about sexy nothings which turn on the opposite sex, or whoever you’re trying to woo (Step away from the raccoon you sick pervert!!). Here are just a few to get those juices flowing and the girls pining for your 3 wood...
- "I love thou rainbow animule. Let's go have a racoon."
- ”Let's play army - I lay down and you blow the hell outa me.”
- ”I hear you like CSI; would you like to sample my DNA?”
- ”Squeal reek awrk squeek grrrl...” Translated as “None of my other raccoon lovers have ever gone unsatisfied...”
- ”I think you smell really nice.”
- ”It’s so tiresome being so sexy. You know I honestly have to breathe sexily, eat sexily even sleep sexily! It really is a curse sometimes...”
- ”Why do people continually ask me if I’m happy to see them?”
- "I'm a furry, and I was wondering..."
- "Get over here you sexy beast of an anal grape."
- "Yuum I bet your banana's tasty!"
- "I put the STD in Stud, now all I need is U!"
[edit] Vortniploodge
You can always find sexy people by the hundreds at replacement foam marketplaces. Just go to the replacement foam marketplace in your area and start stalkin'!
[edit] Why God made woman sexy
Sexual attraction ensures that the human race will continue and not die out.
