From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
“Lord help me, I can't cha-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ange”
“Hope for Change!”
Sex change is a process by which a person changes sex – that is, by which female sexual characteristics are substituted for male ones, or vice versa. Sex changes may occur naturally, as in the case of the sequential hermaphroditism, inadvertent gender change and politically motivated sex change. Most commonly, however, the term is used for sex reassignment therapy, including sex reassignment surgery. It is sometimes used for the medical procedures applied to intersexual people, and the broader process of changing gender role ("living as a woman" instead of living as a man, or vice versa), including but certainly not limited to medical procedures. The term may also be applied to those that just wake up one morning a different gender.
edit Natural sex change
edit In males
Body building, cycling or general fitness fenatics, in the main, exhibit natural sequential hermaphroditism. In these cases a sex change is a normal anatomical and psychological process rather than surgical, if you ignore the tattooing. Males start looking at themselves in the mirror as much as females; spend an equal amount of income, time and research on clothes, tanning salons and beauty products. They also become bitchy about the looks of other males, and uber-precious about their uber-tattooed bodies.
edit In females
Females, like their male counterparts, start work on building and toning muscle, until the full transformation from Scarlett Johansson, to Sylvester Stallone is complete. Tattoos also play a large part of the female to male natural sex change, making it almost impossible to tell the gender of the bodybuilder/fitness freak at the conclusion of the process.
edit In the middle
As males move towards abject vanity and females move away; for a no-holds-barred competitive drive to move forward from Stallone to the full Schwarzenegger, hormonal or steroidal treatment is often required. Enhancing drugs cause breasts to form in men and women to grow beards; further blurring the gender lines. It is said the best way to resolve the sex of a fitness freak is by checking for an Adam’s apple, however, this has become unreliable as the modern multi-gym even has a lever designed to tone the Adam's apple in just ten minutes per session. Today unfortunately, the only sure way resolve the gender between fitness freaks is by talking to them. Difficulties communicating with the obsessive fitness personality types are already well documented however, as a rule of thumb, females do tend to talk about beer and cars and are significantly less pretentious than their L’Oreal/Kappa/S-Works obsessed male counterparts.
edit Employment and lifestyle triggered sex change
Although the hermaphroditic sex change of the fitness species tends towards neutrality, several medical and environmental circumstances can result in a natural sex change to the opposite sex in humans, i.e. where the appearance at birth is one sex, but changes over the course of a lifetime to being the other sex due to work and lifestyle choices. Professional footballers (soccer players) are the most obvious sufferers of this condition however, the overwhelming majority of work related natural sex changes are amongst construction workers and crane operators both on and offshore.
Studies showed a part of the brain called the amygdala plays a large role in emotional memory formation and storage. Males use the left side and females use the right. Males also use the left side of their brain, whereas females have a more even distribution of activity.
From a male appearance and attitude early on, to a female appearance and attitude after qualification, it was initially thought the transformation was due to either 5-alpha-reductase deficiency (5alpha-RD-2) or 17-beta-hydroxysteroid dehydrogenase deficiency (17beta-HSD-3). However, new evidence is beginning to point towards activity in the brain evening out between hemispheres and right side of the amygdala, i.e. turning into womens brains, because of chap-flicks, mens health and fashion magazines, gross overpayment and the constant bombardment of “hero-rock", played at the training centers and on site.
The most noticeable trait of employment based sex change is hypochondria and hypersensitivity (one can, from now on, assume tattoos and fake tanning are par for the course). A small finger cut at training phase would elicit a shrug from the casualty, pleased to have employment and show toughness and resilience to peers. However, should a fully qualified construction “man” break a nail, he would demand (between blubs) a complete emergency response entourage, including a spine isolation stretcher and of course, the full helicopter evacuation. As the "casualty" is loaded into the helicopter, the song Macho Man by The Village People is often played over the Tannoy, before it departs for the nail-salon.
Interestingly, unlike intensive fitness, women rarely suffer from either becoming more masculine or more feminine in a work-site environment. This is why females are worth their weight in gold as supervisors, as no construction worker is going to be called a girl, by a girl.
edit Unsolicited sex change
It is uncommon but not unheard of that a sex change can happen overnight and is almost exclusively from female to male. These events mainly occur in the Far East but it is not unknown in Europe or the U.S. In the main, reports of overnight sex changing do not come from the individual undergoing the transformation, but their partner. Equally strange, the partner is almost always on a short-term sexual encounter, i.e. a one night stand during a stag weekend or twenty first birthday celebration.
Investigations have shown that the instant transformation only tends to occur when certain circumstances are met by the partner, not by the person about to suffer instant gender change. The normally young male partner usually courts while inebriated late at night or early hours of the morning, with little or no resistance from the "female", who herself is usually (and inexplicably) taller, and broader than the male. Scientists are still examining whether the sex change from female to male in the morning (including anatomy) is in sympathy to the male partner. Unfortunately the event often goes unreported as the male, in ignorance of the condition, suspects his partner might have been male all along, so shows reluctance to discuss events, ever again.
edit Politically motivated sex change
Unlike the working environment which favors male to female sex changing, politics is the main trigger for female to male sex change. Of all the types of gender reassignment, the women's liberation and feminist movement is probably the most confusing and contradictory that can occur. Feminism is a range of ideologies that share a common goal: to define, establish, and achieve equal political, economic, cultural, personal, and social rights for women. This includes seeking to establish equal opportunities for women in education and employment. A feminist advocates or supports the rights and equality of females to be the same as males in just about every regard, including the right to look and act like a man, although there was never any law prohibiting that.
On the surface, the cause is undeniably a good one however, politically motivated sex change is an oddity in so far as feminists never campaigned for males to become less masculine at the same time. Had the feminist movement focused on this, progress would have been twice as fast and half the effort. On analysis, the feminist's movement really proposes that males are better, and are exercising the right to be male without surgery (except the piercings, tattoos etc. etc.). Adding to the confusion, many feminists proclaim a deep hatred for males yet, the physical appearance of the senior-feminist is always masculine. Representing themselves bra-less, wearing filthy dungarees, sporting a crew-cut hairstyle and very hairy legs; technically, the feminism and women's liberation is a progressive sex change, not a progressive equal rites movement.
edit Androphilia and gynephilia
Androphilia and gynephilia are terms used in behavioral science to describe sexual orientation, as an alternative to a gender binary homosexual and heterosexual conceptualization. Androphilia describes sexual attraction to men or masculinity; gynephilia describes the sexual attraction to women or femininity. This concept is important to natural sex changes, as androphilia and gynephilia does not change with the physical or psychological state. In cases such as this, the subject does not recognize or acknowledge their new gender, and can even get aggressive when asked to clarify it.
Considered the most effective basis of identifying sexuality within the blurred lines of modern society without causing offence, the terms are objectively used for identifying a person's gender of attraction without attributing a sex assignment or gender identity to the individual. This can avoid bias inherent in Western conceptualizations of human sexuality, avoid confusion and offense when describing sexuality in cultures such as construction, reality TV stardom and non-contact sport. A "Hollywood" site-foreman or professional footballer, with their bleached teeth and hair gel, is psychologically female but they portray attraction to women (at least in front of peers). As their sexual orientation remains within the gynephilia spectrum, they demand to be classified as heterosexual, despite being homosexual.
In a discussion of homosexuality, sexologist Magnus Hirschfeld divided men into three groups: L'Orealophiles, who are most attracted to beauty products, Beiberphiles, who are most attracted to camp male pop-youths, and Hairdressophiles who are males who drive white cabriolets. Hirschfeld considers L'Orealophilia "common and nonpathological, with Beiberphiles and Hairdressophiles each making up about 45% of the homosexual population."
When it comes to homosexuality in women, Hirschfield is yet to come up with any categories, but continues to study female/female sexual acts on a daily basis. In a recent documentary, the sexologist insists daily examination of intimate feminine gynephilia is required to achieve a full and accurate understanding of lesbian acts. Despite his advancing years, battling increased arthritis and rheumatism in his right wrist, as well as failing eyesight, a tired but upbeat Professor Hirschfield expects this study will take him to retirement age and beyond; but is prepared to make the sacrifice to advance the scientific knowledge of female-female copulation.
edit Transgender personality types
LGBT or GLBT is an initialism that stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender, or gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender, revealing an inner struggle to "put ladies first". In use since the 1990s, the term goes to show that even within the gay community, there are those that need to dickify everything with cool sounding acronyms and buzz words. For the tabloid world and those of a sheep-herd nature, LBGT is an adaptation of the initialism LGB, which itself started replacing the term gay when in reference to the LGBT community. Beginning in the mid-to-late 1980s, those that like to eat mung beans and nettle soup, felt the term gay community did not accurately represent all those to whom it referred. The initialism has become mainstream as a self-designation and has been adopted by the majority of English-speaking band-wagonists.
In many ways it could be argued the phrase LGBT has come about through another type of natural sex change under a community heading. Whereas the discussion has focused on gender reassignment of individuals, LBGT represents a cultural change in sexual orientation, based on acceptance. Before Graham Norton, homosexuality was considered taboo outside the entertainment industry however, today many societies see LBGT representing the pinnacle of modern vogue and tolerence. Cities such as London, California and Sydney are described as gay and full of homosexuals.
Bi-sexuality is difficult to place in this article because it encompasses the idea of multiple short-term sex changes. It is not progressive or genetic, but could be described as a work related or even a publically motivated sex change, but not in the context of a natural sex change. Bi-sexuality was actually an invention of actress Jodie Foster to keep ahead of the Emma Thompson’s and Jennifer Connelly’s when her looks started to fade post Silence of The Lambs. It is now a regular strategy used by attractive Hollywood actresses to “get the edge” over other attractive Hollywood actresses in the constant, and utterly unnecessary, battle to catch the eye of chimp-brained male readers of “Nuts” or “Zoo” magazine.
The elite Hollywood cast of female employees is entirely based on perceived attractiveness. Perceived is an important word here, because perceptions of attractiveness can be distorted through public opinion. Good examples are Wynona Ryder, Julianne Moore or Helena Bonham Carter; all on the A-list of Hollywood babes in their day. Had these actresses not been famous, but seen in the Dartford ASDA purchasing Carlsberg Export and cheddar cheese on a Wednesday afternoon, they would be described as “bloody rough” and the average male would normally have consumed a modest amount of alcohol before considering an intimate encounter.
Today’s female Hollywood elite have an even greater challenge. Science has the ability to create generic “attractive” Hollywood actresses such as Amber Heard, Cate Blanchet or Drew Barrymore through growing cultures in petree dishes, hydroponics, specialist feeds, surgery, tablets and bottles. This has made it very tough for the genetically, rather than organically, produced actresses to be singled out as especially attractive to the type of males they find repulsive.
Recognizing even the potential of a threesome with Jody Foster and Megan Fox to your average pick-up driving redneck, however unlikely, bi-sexuality has resulted in a multi-million dollar extension to Ms Fosters acting career. This, according to Foster, is easily worth an occasional bit of carefully publicized short-term sex changing, for the lesbian fantasy-based fan-base.
edit Metro sexuality
A metrosexual is a straight man that embraces the lives and fashion of a homosexual. This includes shaving more than just the face, exfoliating and having absurd collections of shoes. Almost indistinguishable from the natural sex changing homosexual, metro sexuality is really a type of male bi-sexuality, in so far as it is a statement to gain popularity in a gay city, but are described under androphilia and gynephilia as male gynephilics with hermaphroditic tendencies (but not achieving complete self-obsession), where crane operators and reality TV stars are female gynephilics.
One of the main differences between a metrosexual and a rigger or crane operator, is the metrosexual will take being asked to define his sexuality as a compliment, not an insult. This is again a contradictory reaction as the rigger is a confirmed homosexual but a metrosexual is heterosexual.
Wikipedia describe homosexuality as "pulling together the elements of physical gender and Homosexuality (from Ancient Greek ὁμός, meaning "same", and Latin sexus, meaning "sex") is romantic attraction, sexual attraction or sexual behavior between members of the same sex or gender. As a sexual orientation, homosexuality is "an enduring pattern of emotional, romantic, and/or sexual attractions" primarily or exclusively to people of the same sex. It "also refers to a person's sense of identity based on those attractions, related behaviors, and membership in a community of others who share those attractions".
Nicely put, from a politically correct point of view, but complete nonsense. A homosexual, as has been discussed, is anybody that doesn't have a crew cut (unless female), doesn't have a heavy goods vehicle and gun licence (unless female) and who uses more than carbolic soap as a cosmetic (unless female).
Homosexuality is a concept. It is a complex, multi-layered, multi-faceted cultural and biological phenomenon. From the first table in Androphilia and gynephilia, it describes homosexuality where the subjects sex and sex of attraction is the same, this is genetic homosexuality i.e. born man-actually woman. When it comes to natural sex changing, homosexuality is more of a side-effect.
In the case of genetic homosexuality, no amount of watching the X-Factor or pondering over Pond's face cream is going to change the fact the subject is a woman, with a penis. This is understandably awkward and psycologically distressing. At school, other boys soon notice that the subject can't throw a ball, but can remember everyones birthday. In later life the preference for light conversation over a glass of Prosecco and often a sexist culture in the workspace, leads to the desire for a physical sex change, or Gender re-assignment surgary. This is technically the reverse of the sex changes discussed above, as under androphilia and gynephilia, the subject is a homosexual becoming a heterosexual.
edit Gender re-assignment surgery
Humans are most commonly said to have "a sex change" when they undergo sex reassignment therapy, that is, a set of medical procedures undergone by transgender people to alter their sexual characteristics from male to female or from female to male. The term may also refer specifically to sex reassignment surgery, which usually refers to genital surgery only. This is different to natural sex changes, where the process is gradual and culture based. In the case of transgender type personalities, individuals were born with one gender psychologically, the other physically. For individuals that require surgery in order to make a change of gender role possible, both socially and legally, recognizing their new gender is much more important and can have a very significant impact on the their well-being.