9-11

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Binbush A message from Al Qaeda
Thirsty? Perhaps you were looking for 9-Eleven.
Nineleven

Feel the tragedy.

A man, like me country that is hiding something is a country that is afraid of getting caught

~ George W. Bush.

The September 11 attacks (also referred to as 9/11) were a series of four coordinated terrorist attacks launched by a special unit of Osama bin Laden's TerrorCo upon the United States in New York City and Washington, D.C. on Tuesday, September 11, 2001. This is also the the date on which patriotism was invented. The attackers employed what appeared to be four commercial passenger jet airliners to accomplish one of the biggest life insurance scams, false-flag operations and inside jobs the world has ever seen.

On that infamous day, nearly 3,000 people died, four American airliners crashed, Tower One, Tower Two and Tower Seven of the World Trade Center in New York City collapsed, a section of the Pentagon in Arlington, Virginia was destroyed and a thousand people's plane tickets suddenly became invalid. Billions worldwide were shocked by the incident and were deceived by the U.S. Government to believe that Al-Qaeda and Osama bin Laden were responsible. What’s worse, the majority of the world population still believes that Osama bin Laden was the mastermind behind the attacks.

People don’t seem to realize that 9/11 was not planned a few months or even a few years prior to execution. 9/11 was planned decades in advance. It was planned and executed with military precision, and not just "any" military precision. What’s even worse than that: that same majority does not care to know the truth and/or doesn’t want to accept it (especially in North America). But you can uncover the truth about 9/11, my friend. Read on for more information.

Background

Wikisplode
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about 9-11.
Conservapedia logo
The faux patriot snake handlers at Conservapedia have an even funnier article about 9-11.

Years prior to 9/11, members of the “Special Unit” infiltrated Al-Qaeda to make sure that Osama bin Laden was still alive and well and possibly still sending hideous statements against the United States of America. Those Special Unit members suggested to Al-Qaeda that some of its best men became sleeper cells in America and learned to fly airplanes so that terrorist acts could be performed in American territory. More than $100,000 was wired to Al-Qaeda through the Pakistani Inter-Services Intelligence (ISI) so that terrorists could be sent to flying schools in the U.S.

Using the tax money paid by the American people, the Special Unit made sure that Al-Qaeda members could sleep under a roof, eat, and attend the best flying schools in America. Nineteen of those men were going to be used as scapegoats in the attacks of September 11 and some were completely unaware of the fact that the Special Unit was targeting them. Some were not even Al-Qaeda members. Their only fault was to be in an aeronautical school in America because they wanted to be pilots in their home countries.

But the Special Unit knew that if it wanted to convince the American people that the terrorists were responsible for the attacks, it had to choose terrorist-looking fellows who happened to attend flying schools in America, then label them as terrorists and plaster their faces in every newspaper and TV screen in the country. In other words, the Special Unit had the names and the faces of each single terrorist responsible for 9/11 even before the year 2001 had started.

The plan was simple: attack Tower One and Tower Two, the Pentagon and fake an unsuccessful attack to the White House. Obviously, the Special Unit had no interest in destroying the White House. But it would make sense that crazy kamikaze terrorists would want to destroy the most important political symbol in American territory and possibly kill the president inside. The plan was to destroy the airliner by means of a military airplane before it could hit the White House.

Planning

In the meantime, the boss of the bosses, “The Boss” of the Very Special Unit, was reuniting with his closest allies to excogitate one of the most disturbing attacks on American soil, a military operation of huge consequences and psychological impact, not only on American citizens, but on citizens around the seven continents, which would give the US Government total sympathy from any government and from its own people to do whatever it decided to do afterward. The reason behind this was basically one: to start a war. Why? To finally use the grand quantity of weapons amassed and never used during the Cold War era, to use the tax money to pay for more weapons so that American warlords were happily getting richer and richer, and to have an excuse to invade the countries with most oil reserves in the world: Iraq, Iran and Saudi Arabia. The ultimate goal of this people is to control the entire world the same way Nazis wanted to control all of Europe. It is all beautifully intertwined.

Technology

Hawky

The ultimate toy, the Global Hawk Robotic Spy Plane can be flown with a remote control from your house across the oceans and inside buildings. The perfect toy for Christmas!

In sight of the attacks, the Special Unit was honing one of American most innovative technologies, a technology that would be the focal point in the 9/11 attacks and that would allow to remotely control an aircraft the size of a Boeing 767 and 757 from takeoff to landing (although engineers say that the landing would be very difficult, much more difficult than a normal one). That was absolutely not a problem since none of the four airliners were destined to land. The technology already existed as far back as the 1970s and it was called “Home Run,” but it didn’t have anything to do with baseball.

In April, 2001, five months prior to 9/11, Britain’s International Television News announced to the world that the American military had the capability of flying unmanned aircrafts: “A robot plane has made aviation history by becoming the first unmanned aircraft to fly across the Pacific Ocean. The American high-altitude Global Hawk spy plane flew across the ocean to Australia, [defense] officials confirmed.”

On September 10, 2001, an article from The Washington Times suggested that the Israeli military had the same exact technology.

The technology had to be installed into the airliners prior to the attacks (no shit); therefore, the Special Unit must have free access to the airplanes. The only way to assure that was to use American airplanes that were mostly flown over American territory. As a matter of fact, all four flights on 9/11, American Airlines Flight 11, United Airlines Flight 175, American Airlines Flight 77 and United Airlines Flight 93, were domestic flights departing from Boston, Washington and New York and going to California.

The Special Unit was obviously aware of the fact that the door of the cockpit is closed and locked at all times during an American Airlines flight. All it had to do was to remove the black boxes inside the cockpits, install the remote FMCS, which doesn’t stand for Freshwater Mollusk Conservation Society, but for a fully integrated Flight Management Computer System, and also install another remotely-controlled system that would spray a venomous gas inside the cabin to kill or at least K.O. the pilots for hours. Without the black boxes, there would be no records of any pilot contemplating about a venomous or soporific gas been sprayed inside the cabin. Once the pilots were totally unconscious, the Special Unit could guide the aircrafts to their final destinations without any inconvenience.

However, because of unseen circumstances, the Special Unit was forced to leave the black boxes inside the cabins and manipulate them later when they were eventually found. Only two of them were found.

Preparations

Bushy

Moron/Warlord George W. Bush giving the finger to America and the world. He later stuck his thumb up Cheney’s ass and sucked on it for twenty minutes.

In the year 2000, Republican candidate George W. Bush and Democratic candidate Al Gore were vying to be the next President of the United States of America. Bush won because the Special Unit knew that it needed a moron/potential warlord who had ties with the Bin Laden family if it wanted to successfully attack the United States and blame Islamic terrorists. In the most controversial election in which the winning candidate received fewer popular votes than the runner-up., Bush became the 43rd President of the United States. Good, that much was done. Now America was in real deepshit.

During a series of fire drills in which the Twin Towers were completely evacuated or during the night and/or during a couple of weekends, the Special Unit –backed up by Bush’s brother, Marvin P. Bush, who was member of the board of directors of DaleTech, the security company in charge of the Word Trade Center, from 1993 (year of the first attack) to 2000– put the thermite explosives that would later assure the collapse of Tower One, Two and Seven.

A few months before 9/11, the United States Air Force and the North American Aerospace Defense Command made sure than no military airplane would be near the Twin Towers during the attacks. Four war games far away from New York and Washington were going on during the attacks and orders to scramble jets did not come until after three of the four airliners had crashed into the Twin Towers and the Pentagon. This is not surprising. If the airliners would have been intercepted, how could the Government explain the collapse of one of the towers that was never hit? The Special Unit had to make sure that both the South and the North Tower were hit before collapsing.

Attacks

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Whatever it is, it's heading straight for the Twin Towers
~ Frankie Boyle on what he saw during 9/11

On September 11, 2001, confused amateur pilots bloodthirsty terrorists crashed into the Twin Towers. The planes were lured towards the towers by a large electromagnetic field eminating from the buildings servers which were overloaded by SPAM sent by Osama bin Laden.

The Boeing E-4

E4b

White, big ass airplanes used by the American military to control the American people’s minds through the force of satellites and Bin Laden’s farts. They have the technology to vaporize entire universes and remotely control airplanes to crash into Government buildings.

While orders to land thousands of commercial airplanes were immediately issued by the Government after the South Tower began to collapse, two “Doomsday” E-4Bs remained airborne. In fact, witnesses said that they saw the military aircrafts flying over Washington prior to the Pentagon attack. How come the Government managed to have two big ass E-4Bs, which fly at 602 mph or 969 km/h, in the sky above Washington minutes before the attack, but did not manage to scramble jet fighters that fly at 1,500 mph or 2,414 km/h? That’s two and half times faster than the E-4Bs.

Jet fighters are trained to be escorting any airplane that give signs of trouble in less than 10 minutes. How come the first jet fighter did not arrive at the scene of the attacks until after the first tower started to collapse (that’s approximately 50 minutes, or five times slower than usual, and this was no ordinary situation). One would think that the sky above the East Coast on 9/11 must have been air-filled with F-16s. The Government blatantly denied that military aircraft were flying over Washington.

The Government denied that E-4Bs were airborne at that time because they were there to make sure that there were no obstacles preventing American Airlines Flight 77 from hitting the Pentagon bull’s-eye style; also, to remote-control the airplanes (the real Doomsdays) into the buildings.

The Pentagon

Halllpe

Dude, where is my car?

Approximately 50 minutes after the first attack, a missile-made airplane that had wings and even had the logo of the American Airlines so as to make people watching believe that it was a passenger airliner, crashed into the Pentagon and made a big hole in the only section of the pentagonal building that was reinforced against such a possible attack and where important Naval and CIA files were destroyed. The terrorist who flew the airplane did all the effort to make a maneuver that professional pilots call “nearly impossible” just to destroy CIA files. There are two gas stations near the Pentagon. If the terrorist really wanted to cause a much greater disaster he might have taken one gas station with him on his way to the Pentagon. In fact, he made such a delicate steer that the airplane was on a 15-degree-angle dive and almost landing. Also, he could have flown nose-down on a much easier 90-degree angle toward the center of the building and cause much more damage and casualties.

There were no big, evident remains of a large aircraft inside the Pentagon. Only some small pieces of the aircraft, as stated by a firefighter interviewed after the incident, were found inside the building. The Special Unit put those “small pieces” of an aircraft before and after the attack.

Black Box Excerpt from 9/11

The following is a harrowing radio conversation recovered from the black box of the first plane. This left many Americans angry and with many questions, such as why the towers weren't built of the same stuff that black boxes are.

<Explosion>

GWB: What happen?

Powell: Someone set up us the bomb.

Rumsfeld: We get signal.

GWB: What?

Powell: Main Screen Turn on.

GWB: It's you.

Osama: How are you gentlemen? All your WTC are belong to us. You are on the way to destruction.

GWB: What you say?!

Osama: You have no chance to survive make your time. Hahahaha...

Powell: Mr. President!

GWB: Take off every F-16.

GWB: You know what you doing.

GWB: Move F-16.

GWB: For Great Justice.

GWB: Lolroflcakecopter, is this thing still on? Haha! Now I can play rodeo, I can do anything I want! I can climb Brokeback Mountain using my imagination I ca--*COUGH*! Agh! Pretzel!

National Crank Call Day

9/11 is also National Telephone the Operator and Drive the First Aid Squad Nuts Day, due to the national crank call number being 911. Many humorous crank calls were received in New York City on this day in 2001, all of which reported hellish carnage and unimaginable scenes of death. 9/11 dispatchers later thanked the numerous callers for sharing their sense of humor with them.

Aftermath

WTC7

WTC7 collapsed out of solidarity for the Twin Towers.

The U.S. Government told us right after the attacks, what seems to be the common assumption today, that 19 young men with a few years of training and maybe 40 flight hours, carrying a Leatherman knife and a few cans of pepper spray, carried out the most terrific and successful terrorist attack of all-time, bringing down two 110-story buildings that were between the most important, if not the most important, and secured in the whole United States of America, in less than two hours, causing nearly 3,000 people to die and without being hampered by any military intervention of any kind whatsoever. According to the government, the attack was part of a promotional stunt for the cancelled Space Ghost Coast to Coast film.

9/11 was the biggest terrorist attack on American soil ever, and it set a Guinness world record. 2,974 people were killed in the attack: 85% Christian, 6% Muslim, 3% Buddhist, 4% Hindu, and 2% Canadian.[1] Americans everywhere flew their flags at half staff to mourn their beloved killed by corporate greed and by the willingness to destroy two big buildings for advertisement.[2] Naturally, the attack backfired, and blame for it was wrongly placed on Iraq. The United States Congress, along with Bush and Cheney, declared the War on Terra (WAT) and passed the Patriot Act.[3] American security personnel concentrated their focus on Iraqistanians and deliberately ignored the mass immigration of Zionist Jews into the country.[4]

The American people bought the government's story with the assumption that “good things only happen in the movies. The FBI and the CIA are not really that good after all. We have to accept it. We have to accept the fact that we are naïve morons who could not forebode a catastrophe of such magnitude.”

The event was never mentioned again in American politics. EVER. In fact, why are we talking about it right now? You will have a visit from the National Guard within the following hour.

In other countries

In many other countries such as Canada and the United Kingdom, the 9/11 attacks are recognized by the people as the 11/9 attacks. The reason is that Canadians and many other inhabitants of the world write the date as the day followed by the month. This has been stirring controversy, making the United States grant to United Airlines the name of the attack. Therefore, the airlines can now decide what the day is called, and strictly enforce this name among NAFTA and WTO trading agreements. The name United Airlines chose was, of course, the 9/11 attacks. However, in Canada and the UK, people still get confused, leading citizens of these countries to boycott United Airlines.

Adaptation

The well-known Hollywood movie director Oliver Stone later made a highly-successful movie about the Tragedy of the Twin Towers in order to, he said, quoting the Constitution of the United States, "cash-in on the problems of others." "It was decided," Stone said, "Spielberg gets D-Day and the Holocaust. Michael Bay gets Pearl Harbor and Lionel Richie. I get JFK and the Twin Towers." He continued, "I'm donating a portion of the profits to The Republic of Iranistan, so that they, with their primitive guns and bombs, may provide America with yet more delicious Hollywood film fodder." The film was the only one ever to win an Academy Award in every single category, including the new award for "Best Total Disregard For Anything Sacred That Might Be Left In American Culture."

See also

AAlogo

Far from being fazed by the attacks, American Airlines took full advantage of them in their marketing campaigns.

References

  1. No Jews were killed in the crash because they were warned in advance by the Israeli government.
  2. Even though deep in their hearts they knew it looked cool.
  3. Except no one ever mentions that.
  4. Said Jews managed to take over the country within the next decade.
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