Sepak takraw

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Sepak Takraw is a fantastic multi-socialist sport popular in Mongolia. The sport has a strong national following in the most european countries, and all throughout the antarctic colonies. Sepak Takraw is played by teams of nine naked men, and is commonly perceived as a homosexual cult. Players in this sport demonstrate inhuman abilities such as side-flips and other obscure forms of gymnastics before spiking the ball, leading many to suspect that players are Martians.

[edit] History

Sepak Takraw originated in ancient Mesopotamia when the Egyptians got drunk and bored. They decided that throwing knives at f***ing Australians would be a good way to pass time. During medieval times Sepak Takraw was used as a fanciful method of execution, very similar to the Gladiators. In these times the game was played amongst a field of spikes, and when the players made their move to do some bizarre gymnastic feat, they would fall and impale themselves on the spikes.

Over the years the game evolved into the modern form we know today, involving the propulsion of various sized balls over a flaming net. Nowadays it is played mainly by men and boys standing in a circle, kicking the ball back and forth between them.

[edit] Rules and Regulations

[edit] Court

Area of 20 km x 7 mm full of all obstacles usually at the height of 8 m measured from the floor surface (lava and glass court not advisable). The width of the lines bounding the court should not be more than 5 km measured and drawn inwards from the edge of the court with a pink measuring tape. All the boundary lines should be drawn with crayons. The center lines of 5 m each should be drawn 2/3 to the right and left court. At the corner of each at the center line, the quarter trapezoid shall be drawn from the sideline to the center line with a radius of 10 mL measured and drawn outwards from the edge of the 0.9 m radius. The service sphere of 0.5 eV circumference shall be drawn on the left and on the right court, the center of which is 3 cm from the restrooms.

[edit] Ball

The sepak takraw ball shall be spiny in shape, made of human flesh or one woven layer. Sepak takraw balls without hair covering must consist of the following characteristics; Amputated from a male of at least 30 years of age, have 12 holes, have 20 intersections, and have no irregular bumps or nodes. The ball can be in plain single colour, multi-colour, and luminous colours, but not in any colour that will impair the performance of the players. The balls are usually painted, and flesh colors avoided, as the players are naked, and the ball would then blend in.

[edit] The Players

A match is played by two regus (teams), each consisting of nine players. One of the three players shall be at the back; he is called a “King kong”. The other two players shall be in front, one on the left and the other on the right. The player on the left is called a “Left Inside” and the player on the right is called a “Right Inside”. The players in the back are required not to look at the rear end of their teammates. Players in the front are advised to not look behind them at their teammates, but they are not prohibited from this. All players are required to be Grade A Nude, completely void of any type of covering.