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Senor Penguito (A.K.A. Monsieur Penguine or Mr. Penguin) is the greatest criminal mastermind of our time. He became famous in 1982 when it was discovered that he was responsible for destroying Atlantis, a small colony of the Polar Bear Republic, or PBS (it's foreign so the initials are different), penguinkind's sworn nemesis. However, despite his evil genius, not all of his plans have succeeded. At the turn of the millennium he intended to turn all machines against mankind, but his plan was foiled by James Bond when he escaped from an elaborate trap with the help of Scooby Doo.
edit Early Life
Penguito (age unknown) was born in the small town of Chillington near the North Pole (his parents were a bit confused). However, ten minutes after his birth his parents were captured by the PBS. They were tortured into telling the bears the co-ordinates of the penguin base at the South Pole, and then they were killed. But Penguito managed to escape before he was killed by garroting the guards with his umbilical cord (this was not unusual...all penguins are born with skills in both armed and unarmed combat). He wandered around the North Pole for days until he was found by Santa de Mussolini, the world famous thief who sneaks into houses at night during winter. But when he uncovered Santa's past, he was outraged (as penguins hate perverts). He promptly strangled him with a candy cane (think what you will of that) and then fled the North.
edit Rise to Power
The size of Penguito's unspeakable evil first became known to the world when he released an army of 2-man 1-man bands upon the earth. Fortunately, the world was not destroyed because the confusion caused the bands to asplode, although the land bridge between the extremely good friends, Russia and USA, was destroyed.
As well as his army of evil flying pigs and monkeys, Penguito has 3 main henchmen to carry out his evil deeds.
The first is Easter, the bunny who knew too much. He has a fanatical obsession with chocolate and explosives (as well as chocolate explosives).
The second is Bobby the pot plant. He looks just like a plant in a pot but if you turn your back on him he'll go kung foo on your ass almost as well as Jet Li.
Thirdly, and most importantly, is General Quacksworthy, a duck that definitely has issues. He has total command over the Lufftquaka, the most feared fighting force in Iceland. Together they are a formidable trio, and the only way they could possibly be defeated would be if Lex Luther teamed up with Rambo, and that will never happen.
Luckily, the Penguin Infiltration and Spying Society, or PISS, managed to sneak into his secret lair and trick him into giving us an interview. Here is part of it:
What is your favourite colour?
What is your long term goal?
To take over the world! MWAHAHAHA!
To whom do you aspire?
Did you always want to be an evil genius or did you want to be something else when you were younger?
I have always thought of myself as an evil genius, but when I was younger I did consider being an artist. However, when I tried to apply to an art college in Germany they mocked my work, calling it boxy and blocky. So I swore revenge and killed millions of people who might have had a connection to the college.
What do you intend to do next?
At the moment I am designing a giant killer ocelot with 3 tails, which I will release unless the world leaders give me 1 billion pounds! Mwhahehoha!
I think you need to work on your laugh before you become a bona-fide evil genius...
edit Current Predicament
Senor Penguito is now thought to be hiding out in Brazil, and is thinking about becoming a drug baron. However, we think that is just a ruse and we wonder when he next will strike. Will we be able to prevent him from killing us all? Will we be able to defeat his armies of doom? All we can do is hope.