Senator

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Senator is the brightest star system in the southern constellation of Toast. It is too far south to be visible in most northern hemispheres.

It is also one of the closest star systems to Earth, at 4.2–4.4 light years. This means if you squint really REALLY hard, like so hard your eye pops out and your Mom comes in and starts screaming and drops your pancakes on the floor and you're really pissed because you wanted those pancakes really bad and you were really hungry because you had been up late last night and hadn't eaten since like 6 o'clock, but there she is screaming her freaking lungs out while your damned pancakes are just sitting there on the floor looking up at you as if to say, "Please, I need to be slathered with butter and drowned in Maple Syrup," you can see it.

Star-toast

The location of Senator in the constellation Toast.

System components

Senator is a single star system consisting of the central star, Senate, with 4 planets in orbit around it. These planets were named after the characters on a popular late-1960's TV show, "Banana Splits": Bingo, Fleegle, Drooper and Snorky.

Bingo

This is a small, rocky planet where there's probably nothing to do. BO-RING

Fleegle

Some people call this planet "Terrance". They're probably too stupid to be able to pronounce a word like "Fleegle", anyway. It's a huge, gas filled planet. (Not unlike Aunt Edna, eh?)

Drooper

This planet gained a lot of media attention recently, when in the year 2001 a famous pharmaceutical company that were the inventors of Vioxx decided to build a giant billboard on the face of the planet advertising Enzyte, the all natural male enhancement pill. Shortly thereafter, Donald Trump moved to Drooper, and is now applying for it to be renamed Hardandfirm. You can tell what the draw was, selling boner pills to a planet named Drooper. Ha, ha, everyone. Very fucking funny.

Snorky

Classified. Was the ancient home of a race called the snorks, until some undiscovered disaster involving a bunch of paperclips, some drano, a silver dollar, and some old guy named Andrew Dean Richards.

Star Data

The main star, Senate, is about 5 to 6 billion years old. We think. The Jesus Freaks will tell you otherwise, but we scientists are more than a match for them on the polo field, right chaps?

Seen from Earth, Senator is separated by 2 degrees from Alpha Centauri A and B (about 4 times the angular diameter of the full Moon), and the latter are at an angular distance of up to 40" from each other. One popular observation method involves putting your thumb and forefinger on either side of the distant star, and saying (in a Russian accent), "I krush you, senatorr. KRUSH YOU LIKE A BUG!", while closing your fingers together repeatedly. This method was pioneered by Yakov Smirnoff in his early astronomer days.

Facts

  • Right ascension (J2000): 14h39m35.9s
  • Declination (J2000): -60°50'07"
  • Distance from Earth: 4.36 light years
  • Parallax: 0.751" ± 0.075"
  • Apparent visual magnitude: −0.01
  • Absolute visual magnitude: +4.34
  • Spectral type: G2V(+K1V)
  • Mass: 1.10 (A), 0.92 (B) Solar masses
  • Luminosity: 1.57 (A), 0.51 (B) Solar luminosities
  • Life Stage: Main Sequence
  • Kick-assity: Low, to majorly Geeky


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