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edit How to Self-Check for Semicolon Cancer
The following are some of the most common symptoms of Semicolon Cancer:
- Loss of Appetite
- Going into a Comma
- Massive Periods (even in males)
- Swollen Semicolon
- Loss of your appendix
- Random and unprovoked ejaculation
If you are experiencing more than one of the following, contact your doctor and schedule an appointment immediately!
edit What You Should do if You Aren't Experiencing any of the above Symptoms but Still Think you have Semicolon Cancer
You can go to an experienced Semicolon professional and get an X-ray (as my family doctor has said so many times). Too bad my doctor isn't and experienced Semicolon professional (he claims he is, but trust me, do not believe him, no seriously don't).
“In order to test for Semicolon Cancer, I suggest you find a professional who knows what he is doing. If you do not know anyone with experience in semicolons, however, here is my suggestion to you. Grab a large Q-tip, and rub the inside of your Semicolon. If it comes out red, or cannot fit in your semicolon at all, I suggest you find an experienced Semicolon Professional (like me) to check it out immediately.”
If you follow that, and get yourself checked regularly, you shouldn't ever have a problem with your semicolon.
edit Things You Should Not Do if you have Semicolon Cancer
If you do, however, develop a problem with your semicolon, these are the things you should not do.
- Try to perform Self Surgery
- Light your semicolon on fire
- Make penis jokes in an attempt to cheer it up
- Ask it politely to leave
- Ask it rudely to leave
- Bribe it
All of those things will Irritate your Semicolon Cancer, in which it will give off an Odorous Green Gas, sometimes known as SemiFlatulation, or a Demifart.
edit Known Causes of Semicolon Cancer
There are numerous things that can cause Semicolon Cancer, but since the list is so long that we had to shorten it to the top five. If you wanted a longer list, then see Everything.
2. Corn Husking
3. Political Debates
5. Having a history of Semicolon problems in your Family.