Sega Micro CD

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“Just plug it into your Genesis!”
~ Black guy on Sega Genesis and Sega CD doing it
“My dick won't fit in the hole!”
~ Basement nerd on A copy of Sonic VHS
“In Soviet Russia, CD plays you!”
~ Russians on The tiny CDs
Sega Micro CD
Sega Elvis CD
This is supposed to be cutting edge?
Units Sold: 230 Microvision Universally-Wide
Specifications: Intel Octomom 4 1.39-bit 3.14159... Core Processor @ 1985GHz

500KB of GOAT
0.27GHz SonylPhony designed custom Graphics Food Processor/Liquefier
WiFi, YooHoo, Ethernet, Potionnet, telegraph, phonograph, barstool, restroom, 3 bedroom, 3 bath and Can-and-String Communication

Obscure Games: Hotel Mario, Sonic SD Card, Crac-Man 57D, Your Mom, Sonic the Hedgehog

The Segay (Short for "Sega is hardgay") Micro CD is another one of the shitty add-ons made for the Mega Drive your skull into The Wall In Torment. The system was noted for its god awful FMV based games such as Whore Trap, Gay Little Hedgehog collects Rings and kills Scientist in Robot Cars, and the ever weird Hotel Mario. In fact, sales for Hotel Mario were so bad it's the reason Microsoft made the Xbox. Nice Job, bastards. Tht includes you, You.

How The Hell Did It Start?

It all started when the Sega Genesis was starting to get sales popularity. It was at a rally where it met the Turbografx CD. And it ended in a one night stand, and the Turbo CD was pregnant. A couple of months later, the Sega CD was born, and it got dumped in a fried chicken bucket at the doorstep of the Genesis' house. It wouldn't be until '92 when it got done with college and tried to prove itself. And it made horrible mistake number one: sign a contract with Marky mark and the Funky Bunch. When it launched in '92 or '93, all it had was shit for games. Yet the idiots bought it up thinking Full Motion Seizure meant "OMG REAL LIFENESS GAMEZ!". Unfortunately, all it was was really bad games where all it was about was clicking buttons to make some idiot dance or something. The only one people actually bought was Night Trap because it was about vampires trying to rape a bunch of teenage girls, which secured its place in the porn market. The system stayed the course of crap after crap until the eventful release of the now classic Sonic Laserdisc, which was about collecting rocks of crack and defeating Wilford Brimley in a hoverchair. Take that, Liberty Medical! Where's your diabeetus now?

The Badness Gets a Facelift

After a year, the Sega CD got tired of its weight, which he blamed on 3 chicken buckets a day, not to mention the Seizure Videos. And then it happened- the Mega Screwdriver turned into a square. And that's when the CD turned even uglier- It became an ugly gigantic rectangle with a flip lid, not to mention it plays "Never Gonna Give You Up" when there's no CD instead of "Foxy Lady". And then the CDs got smaller, which turned away the nerd division of the porn market.

Cdrom

This is what Sega fans see when they try to smoke one of those 32X CD games.

CD Does Drugs

After a while, the disuse of the Sega CD brought it into a bad crowd. But it was responsible for creating one of the greatest drugs of the 90s while drinking Sprite and vodka- 32X. The final product looked like a black tumor or a mushroom and makes you think you're fighting zombies and demons on Mars or Getting stuck with a lizard in an amusement park. And after a while, nobody liked 32X anymore due to in killing Tupac Shakur, and because everybody like the new kid on the block, the Saturn, which also lost to the unspeakable horror. Nowadays, the Sega CD is in the Marines, gunning down terrorists and Robot Bitches left and right, trying to prove it's not a total piece of Full Seizure crap.

The Specs

  • Discs with a center hole too tiny for even a nerd's dick *cough*You*cough*
  • Full Seizure Video contained in a box the size of an ant
  • Only, like, 3 good games
  • Uses 3 processors designed to produce unoriginality and retardedness
  • A CD+G player (The G stands for G-strap, as in the belt used to run the 8 in. floppy drive)

Some of those only good Games

  • Sonic Telegrammaphone (1993)
  • Lunar Silver Mercades (2002)
  • Hooker Trap (4321)
  • Mario Paint (AB2C)
  • Link: The Feces of Evil (Wait, that's Nintendo!!)
  • You the Homo fucks the World Up! (AACE)
  • WATCH OUT HMOIE! (WTF?)
  • IMMALET YOU FINISH, BUT MARIO IS THE BETTER GAME GUY (West)

Le Video


This is a nerd's drug trip.

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