World War II
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| World War II | |||||||||
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 Poland ( The Allied Boss, and as any boss just use the mind... (see the section Poland's Role ).
|  The Third Reich (wanted to steal polish beer ended up making a huge cock up of things in Europe)
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 Harold Straddlebeamer
| Really Angry German Guy
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| Hmm | Don't give a crap, okay? | ||||||||
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Total dead: | Military dead:
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“I demand a sequel!”
“Not everyone made it out alive”
“You saw World War I”
“Nice war”
“Oh wait, I lost!”
“NOW YOU WANT MORE!. We thought you would say that. This time around Germany and Japan want to give the West a LITTLE SUPRISE! Jews,Nazis,and Explosions make up WORLD WAR II!!!”
World War II, or the ' World kinetic military action II (as its known in the States ) started when Hitler didn't get his cookies like the British promised him and proved to be one of the most successful and high-budget movies ever made, even becoming more popular than WWI (rookie filmmaker Gavrilo Princip’s only hit, so well-received in the film industry that he was executed). The film, which racked up billions of dollars in British debt, has occasionally been criticized for the death of 72,000,000 actors, including the stars Frank Sinatra and Adolf Hitler.
The film is famous for a scene in which the British, unable to push Nazi advance back, since neither army can walk on semen (except Jesus who fought in Iwo Jima for the American Idols, are aided slightly by polar bears, rats, the late-as-usual Harry Potter, and Pedophile farmers. The Irish population, who single-handedly stopped the advance of the Nazis through the use of the most technologically advanced defensive feature of the day: the English channel, quite rightly say "I find German children fuckable, does this mean im a pedophile". Having aids from the rest of the world since the American President was busy trying to get an erection (also known as Bona) the nation from starving (by making them throw up lend-leases), England along with a lot of help from the English channel(without whom they would have lost the an entire war and Germany would rule the world) bravely tried to push back the most powerful army in the world on their own, of course France got its ass kicked, but lucky for them they could play their usual trick and retreat back to England borrowing civilian`s boats to flee. The Indians of course weren't quite as lucky as they didn't have an Pacific ocean to hide behind. Out of Germany's hydrophobia, Winston Churchill called off the invasion of Germany to attack mummy Russia. In a cowardly sucker punch, only a year after the European war began, the Japanese at Pearl Harbor attacked the sleeping Giant called America, who decided to finally save the world again, by fucking around with the Japanese for a while and then topping it all off by roasting two large Japanese cities like Mongolian barbecue. There are several supposed reasons why Churchill declared war on the rest of the world. The most widely accepted accounts agree that Churchill was enraged over the poor quality of dildos and lox in Germany. He then blamed all Muslims worldwide for praying too much (and ruining his breakfast), and insisted they be raped and blasted.
Contents |
Prologue
Adolf Hitler started the war by raping Winston Churchill. Every one cried but they didn't because they didn't. Then Tim told Adolf off because it's horrible. Tim turned into a Jew and got shot. Then they lined up lots of Tims and shot them with a rail gun. Tim cried blood and every one thought it was a miracle because he was a virgin. Then England got loads of Tims and took them to war. Alot of Tims were killed because they look funny especially when they genetically modify him to make him BLACK. I hate BLACK people said Hitler so he sent out all his black kamikazi pilots to get them all killed. Tim won the war and every one lived sadly ever after because he is a giant black man who touched Adolf Hitlers ass.
WORLD WARS
EPISODE I: THE ITALIAN MENACE
The Second World War was started due to Hitler's ever growing hate for Adam Sandler. Adam, being Jewish, was a very big influence in Germany and a one-time porn mate of Adolf, decided to move to America. To blow off some steam, Hitler decided to take a walk into Poland with a few 100,000 troops. The Polish (who had it coming) got fucked. Hitler loving the pleasure of more slaves decided to do the same to the French.
In 1918, the winners of World War I (who liked George's idea for "The Merry Wives of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha" better), decided that Germany would be paying for their round of drinks and mindless slaughter, and so has been left skint (there was quite a lot of it). Now, however, the Wall Street Crash has left it in an even worse situation after the Deutschmark has suddenly become worthless, and the Euro is yet to be invented, with the cost of flying sky-high and the cost of building repairs going through the roof.
Now, in 1933, a big manly bad ass of a man steps up, promising to solve their problems by killing Jews than he whipped his whip out right there and than! He won 78% of the vote.
While this was going on the money grubbing fame devoring Italians led by Fagolini [Mussolini] not wanting to get owned attacked some countries and then planned to make Germany lose he war by invading and dragging them into Greece and Egypt and were so certain their plan would work they celebrated with cookies and mik then Mussolini whipped his out but everyone laughed because they all needed the manhoodfinder9001 to even sense it and it said "gtfo transvestite"
EPISODE II: THE ATTACK OF THE ASIANS
The year is 1933. In a move to secure its place as a superpower, Japan has invaded the Manchurian province of China and reinforced the point by brutally slaughtering Jews and sending a select few to work as spies in popular investment banks. The Second Sino-Japanese War that followed saw the pervertic Imperial Japanese Army stormtroopers taking over towns like there's no tomorrow and fucked all the Chinese virgins. The Republic of China Army ran out of women to rape, and as a result, the Chinese had to withdraw into the rural areas to fuck with pandas. The two armies were then deadlocked in guerilla wars all over Area 51. The conflict was worsened by involvement by the renegade Belgian assasin known only as "Tintin" who, along with a pair of identical retards in bowler hats singlehandedly destroyed the city of Shanghai. the Chinese rebels promptly threw a bitchfit, blaming the incident on the Japanese. The world, however, is busy elsewhere, and continues to be, so the Imperial Japanese forces repeat the same processes on every single island in the Pacific. Along the way, they invent the first-generation Toyota Corolla by forcing Australian P.O.W.'s to weave pieces of bamboo together and attach it to a set of four tennis balls taken from dead samurais.
Meanwhile, in Europe, an angry Austrian named Adolf Hitler seizes control of Germany and declares everyone else inferior to his Aryan-ness. Building a massive army to execute his vision of a super party with only the super race invited, or world domination, he seizes Austria. France, thinking that the Maginot Line was perfect, hands him Czechoslovakia as a free sample. With this, Hitler allies himself with his long-time enemy Joseph Stalin of the Soviet Union and sets his sights on Antarctica and Canada, with the assumption that the territories captured can be used for the leisure of all Aryans. Skiing and sledding were always very important to Hitler.
EPISODE III: REVENGE OF THE NAZIS
As Germany invaded France, the French retaliated by throwing animals and baguettes at the advancing Germans. With the Germans momentarily distracted by a combination of flying pigs, baguettes and Belgian Waffles (deployed by elite Belgian commandos), the French all hide in the Eiffel Tower, and the Germans march into Paris, defeating the French holding up in the Eiffel Tower when Hitler personally retaliates the French retorts, forcing them to surrender. The British, meanwhile, hold a Terribly British Conference of the British Round Table of King Arthur. When they decide that the table is, in fact, round, they decide that Germany must be stopped, and that they should save the Continent or something. America gasps at all of this drama, then changes the channel, mistaking the war for a reality TV show.
It is noteworthy to say that Hitler masturbated on the night the Wehrmacht took Paris. Historians agree it was the only time the German Führer had an orgasm. His sexual problems and being rejected by Stalin could have been a source of deep personal frustration.
EPISODE IV: A NEW POPE
But, when all hope seemed to be lost, in an astounding and superbly resilient effort by the forces of Britain, The United States, and Trojan Incorporated, a condom was shipped to Saudi Arabia, where the Allied Expeditionary Forces were making their final stand against the Robotech Masters, Nazis and nudist fanatics. The Allies' reaction upon receiving the enormous condom would later become known as the Great Depression, or, conversely, The Day The Pussy Died.
This giant condom was hauled into the Red Sea, luring most of the German military away from the main battle in a trance-like state of crazed sex lust while singing Justin Bieber's 'Baby'. However, the realization came like a thousand tonnes of choking water that despite the German forces' extensive training in various military endeavors, Nazi commanders had forgotten to teach their troops how to swim. All Germans died while drowning and cursing "Like A G6 ! " .
The Americans, coming from the greatest nation of all time (they wish), decided to earn their reputation as supreme overlords, and so they did the only think they knew: They filmed thousands of movies where Yank soldiers would kick the Nazi ass and win the war single handed, starring Micheal Caine. At the end president Roosevelt decided it was too risky sending Yank soldiers to Saudi Arabia, because the Nazis were firing real bullets, the Italians had begun a feast of unfortunately tainted spagetti and the Russians were already on their triumphal march to conquer Berlin. Roosevelt and the great American Navy's Generals had a meeting at the war room and decided that it was better to avoid fighting against the Nazis, and so they planed instead how to lose their next war in Vietnam.
EPISODE V: THE NAZIS JIZZ BACK!
Although the Africa Corps had by then become the Africa Corpses, the Nazis made a bold attempt to engender support from Stalin. However, Hitler became furious after Stalin's refusal to return his calls or even consider a second date, and invaded Russia in retaliation. The Russians, having forgotten to make guns to shoot the gazillions of bullets they had manufactured, quickly turned from their idle fantasies of a threesome with Hitler and the Japanese and asked The Good Side if it wanted to "go steady."
Then-unbeknownst to Hitler but now-beknownst to us, Stalin's wily apprentice, Darth Zhukov, was meanwhile developing a totally awesomely brilliant plan. He kidnapped Hitler's personal bedtime-story teller, Friedrich Paulus, and sent him overnight shipping to Stalingrad (which of course translates to "Stalin totally isn't an asshole"). Hitler, now wracked by insomnia and desperate to know the end of Cinderella, approached a nervous breakdown at this development. He immediately sent his best troops to Stalingrad with hysterical instructions to "Get him back! I must know if the pumpkin rotted, I must!
Just as the confused but determined Nazis arrived in Stalingrad to complete the rescue operation, Stalin initialized the launch of his Death Star to take out the sun. Although this largely failed when the Death Star was simply incinerated (because some idiot forgot to put a heat shield on), it did succeed in riling the sun up a bit. Soon Sol (the sun) decided to go on strike until California started paying royalties for the Internet's obscenely large trade in solar energy.
Both major Axis powers suffered from this solar strike. The Germans, in their haste to obey their foamy-mustachioed leader, had left behind their warm Barney blankets, and all promptly died of cold. The Japanese, though not silly enough to forget their blankets, did begin to get a major ass-kicking: the dimness rendered them nearly blind, as their slanted eyes had evolved to expect intense sunlight. The Americans, quickly grasping on this weakness, insisting on being total dicks and waving X-Boxes in their face since P.S.3 wasn't going to be out for another whole year. Soon the sun returns, and the Japanese own them with their enormously small Wii's. President-for-life Roosevelt goes into his anger room and plans the most diabolical plan ever. He will make an Atomic bomb that will permanently fry the Japanese's eyes. However, the tide turns again when the Japanese battleship, Maria Ozawa, took 10 torpedoes in the ass and sank, bringing down with her entire stocks of Wii's.
Meanwhile, the solar strike also had another unintended consequence. In China, a cat mutated into a Decepticons named Meow Zedong. In his bid to become the Emperor Palpatine, Meow Zedong stomped Chinese towns, picked up all Japanese troops, tanks, artillery and even Zero planes and pumped gallons of cumshot in their holes or muzzles. The Japanese died due to fear of multiple cumshots. China was liberated, and Meow Zedong was awarded the cheap retarded version of Medal of Honor (series).
Episode VI: THE RETURN OF THE BOMBERS
With the Manhattan road construction project complete, President-for-Life Franklin Roosevelt orders work on the atomic bomb. However, he grow impatient after two hours and jumps off a bridge while on vacation. His vice-president, who was called a Harry Truman's hairy but true man, carried on the work and eventually the bomb was built. Meanwhile in Germany, the Russians have begun their all expenses paid trip to Germany and this causes Hitler to become even more wacky. He rapes Eva Braun and shoots his dog and then gets on a boat to Mexico, where he continues to fund illegal aliens to undermine Obama Bin Laden's communist dictatorship in the 3rd American Empire. He takes Eva with hime, and they board a Spitfire Plane. Back in time, Harry Truman, as he was nicknamed, drags the bomb thousands of miles across the ocean and plants the bomb in Moscow, Japan. When the bomb goes off, it creates a time warp and sends everyone to Guantanamo Bay, in 2006. Fearing all the Japanese will be sent to Guantanamo Bay, Tojo McMojo surrenders by going to the future and getting ass-raped by George Bush and the movie ends with Bush fucking up all the of the Japanese soldiers sixty years later and sending them to work so the working class people of the United States no longer had to pay for them to eat and go to the doctor's office.
Craig Stanley's role in World War II
Craig had an influential role in the attacks led by Japan. Since he was already employed as an actor by the film business in Japan, he decided to take the governments role as the giant lizard that the Japanese army desperately needed. Craig was involved largely in the battles of Iwo Jima, and Okinawa. It wasn't until in 1945 with the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagosaki by the United States Air fart Force, which had recently invaded and taken all of planet Hitler land, did Craig realize that he was fighting for the wrong side of the war. He instead began his attacks on Japan to help out whoever he was supposed to be helping(probably George Bush 2.0). He continued his insane, fire breathing attacks on Tokyo until King Kong attacked him and they had a great battle. Luke Skywalker, his father Harry Potter, Power Rangers, Arnold Schwarzenegger in a Terminator T-91, and a zombie army called 'The Inglorious Basterds' helped Craig while King Kong was aided by the communists, Hitler (who was still in assylum in Mexico because he got kicked out of his own planet), Nazis, Ultraman and an army of flying dolphin-whales. The battle was so epic that it began to break the sound barrier, and then created an awesome flash that kept the whole world from seeing what happened. The result of the battle of 'stanners vs. Kong' was the lessening of King Kong to only a dog toy, now commonly known as a Kong. Also, craig powered to the point where a new definition of power was created. It was to be called the Transformers. Because it was decided that craig was to powerful to use in only one place, his powers were split later on in his life to become the several million Megatrons that now serve in the Marines. CRAIG WAS A TOP ACHIEVER!!! REMEMBER THAT BITCHES
Criticism
Of course, World War II received criticism for its excessive violence and the cameo of Sylvester Stallone as Rambo.
Many racists and anti-Semites protested that the Holocaust sequence was so inhumane that it had obviously been faked by the Jew-controlled media, while even more protested it was too good to be true (see Holocaust denial, Holocaust affirmation, Holocaust denial denial and the there mentioned further articles).
Six million Jews and other Europeans found the movie so inhumane they buried themselves in mass graves. When some researchers went to Poland to investigate the possibility of its residents being killed indiscriminately, they found that the country had been uninhabited since 1945.
However, the movie's idea of genocide (aka ethnic cleaning), be on retail - by inches - or on "wholesale" ("let's do it once and for all") form; still are extremely popular, particularly amongst Serbian, Israel and some young African nations, while others took the trend of indiscriminate killing.
Other sequences, such as the Battle of Stalingrad seemed to be blatant fakes. Because of a budget cut, actors had to steal prop rifles, often on screen, from other soldiers who were pretending to be dead, while some stole rifles from troops who were shooting at the enemy. Many also questioned the possibility of unsheltered soldiers freezing to death in Russia during one of the worst winters ever recorded, declaring this to be totally not feasible at all.
Russian Reviewers were insulted since it depicted the Russian army as a sober fighting force, when in reality, they were drunker than an Australian after four hours at a pub. Negative criticism was pointed at how Russians had one rifle per ten people, whilst in reality it was one per fifty
According to critics, the war with the Japanese was just an excuse to film some jungle scenes (which Spielberg got to do anyway with his next movie, Vietnam), and the entire Pacific plot line was called a "convoluted mess" because, with twelve billion islands, there were simply too many to keep track of. Some islands seemed to even have been made-up, like Midway, Guadalcanal, the Philippines, and Hawaii. To more criticism, the portrayal of the Enola Gay (Latin for "butt-humping gay") seemed to imply that the US was a bunch of fruity homosexuals about to make Japan its bitch. Although that did, in fact, happen twelve seconds later, critics retaliated by saying that "Enola" backwards is "alonE", and then asserting that "Anal alone" makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, even if done backwards.
French reviewers stormed out through the beginning of the film during the scene where it is revealed French Tanks had sixteen gears in reverse, and the fact that French uniforms were white, guns white, tanks white, which also faced criticism from some Black reviewers. In response to another scene depicting the whole French army trying to escape into Britain's vagina, twenty five French viewers shot themselves in the temple.
Other people criticized the movie's invention of Fascism, saying that no one would be dumb enough to fall for such an idea. Also, Bob the builder had his dick sucked for no
More criticism arose over the Allies' attitude towards the Jews throughout the movie. Many found it silly that the Allies formed blockades around their countries to prevent Jews from entering, and shipped the Jews who were already in their country to Germany. Some found it more ridiculous that Allied bombing raids on the Nazi death camps always seemed to miss the crematoriums in favor of an unsuspecting Jew, or, more often, an entire Jewish bunkhouse, which were typically miles away from any other part of the camp. To add on to confusion as to which side the Allies were really on, they awarded the entire land of Palestine to the ten remaining Jews and kicked out all the Palestinians. The Palestinians then declared eternal Holy War against the Jews and started to bomb them. Arabs, however, found it totally absurd and absolutely unheard of that any of them would declare a Holy War against anything and then begin blowing themselves up. In protest of this representation, they declared a Jihad against Hollywood and began exploding themselves in random movie theaters.
Spielberg responded to all this criticism by criticizing it, which soon brought the criticizers retaliating with even more criticism of the criticism of their criticism. Before long, the entire argument became a huge, incoherent mess akin to the movie.
In accordance with all this criticism, the movie was given six stars out of five, two thumbs, and the toe of Roger Ebert, and swept the Oscars, Emmys, Pulitzers, and even won a Nobel Peace Prize for setting an example for many aspiring peace activists such as Pol Pot and Slobodan Milosevic, and ensuring that such inhumanities would never ever occur.
It is well known that the S.W.A. won the second world war, however in an elaborate cover up the government suppressed this knowledge because the S.W.A. is too PWN4G3 for the |\|00|3z0r5
People were also greatly angered by the epidemic of Nazi Zombies who appeared following the end of World War II. These Zombies forced people to hide in buildings and get weapons to defend themselves from a random box, which almost always produced a teddy bear and they ran away laughing like a girl.
Related Articles
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- Population bomb
- Catch-22
- Woodrow Wilson (responsible for single-handedly causing the movie)
- Second World War Two
- Adolf Hitler
- Benito Mussolini
- WWII
- Wii
- Video games
- The North American War
