Sea cow
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
The sea cow (or seatard) is a kind of aquatic bovine that is often confused with the dugong. The are a peaceful animal, but nevertheless, they are hunted down by Japanese sailors for their foul tasting meat and drab, worthless skins.
Contents |
[edit] Diet
The sea cow eats a diet manly composed of pizza boxes, shoelaces, shaving cream, and Vietnamese people. However, they have also been seen eating poprocks, doormats, beer bottles, and feces. They roam the oceans looking for this prey, and have been known to take it by force if necessary. The average sea cow can eat up to 666 tons of pizza boxes, 66 cups of shoelaces, 6 cans of shaving cream, and 6 medium-sized Vietnamese people.
[edit] Appearance
The sea cow has a pear shaped body, a long curved tail, and absolutely no legs or fins. So, to move they levitate and use that extra long tail to steer themselves. They also enjoy wearing pink, fluorescent, old lady's pantyhose that they find on their annual panty raiding sessions. They also can be see wearing thongs, speedos, propeller hats, and monocles (British-only). The sea cow's head is quite small for it's huge body, giving the sea cow the looks of a tick. THe head itself is shaped like what you would get if you crossbred a German, a cow, and a seagull
[edit] Habitat
Sea cows are found in many of the world's oceans, including the East China Sea, the Mediteranian Sea, and the Sea of Rabukahahah-ah. They usually stay at the bottom because they know that MOST Japanese people are afraid of the dark, and to escape the evil tyrannical rule of the grammar nazi, who generally stay away from the bottom of the ocean because it is too dark to correct people's grammar. However, they can't stay in this sanctuary forever because every 66 years they must come up for air. During the Great Sea Cow Migration of 1666, millions of these creatures fled from the Sea of Japan to escape the Japanese, but unfortunately, this has not been too successful because they forgot the milk, witch kept their race in harmony for generations.
[edit] Conservation
Unless we do something, the great sea cow race will soon become extinct. Due to excessive amounts of Japanese people, as well as a absence of milk, in their homeland (a.k.a "the Motherland"), their race is prone to wars and overfishing. Also, the Green Party, witch is the sworn nemesis of the sea cows, has started a propaganda campaign to stop people from throwing trash (the pizza boxes, shoelaces, beer bottles, and others)into the ocean so the sea cows wouldn't have anything to eat. Also, they have been telling people to keep their Vietnamese people inside, as well as their panties, witch eliminates yet another food source for the sea cows. So, hear this: POLLUTE THE OCEAN-SAVE THE SEA COWS!!!
