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“What has two thumbs and doesn't give a crap? Bob Kelso!”
Scrubs is an unfunny pseudo-comedy TV programme about John Dorian (Tobey Maguire), also known as JD, who is unlucky in love, yet still manages to get some of the hottest females (if you want to be an actress in mainstream Hollywood, you have to look like a supermodel), trying find the right person... Which involves him trying the same girls a few times and one girl numerous times. It's also partially about life in a hospital, but mainly themed similarly to the reality TV show which puts a group of people into an environment together in which they must perform certain tasks in order to get by, leading to disputes within the flatmates, also known as Friends.
Scrubs is filmed somewhere nice. Nobody cares enough to ever ask. It's filmed in a hospital with dead bodies cluttering the floor. There are very few black people working at the hospital. It has been called a 'white-ass hospital' by many overly sensitive black people.
The hospital was originally made for the show, but due to lack of money gained from the first few episodes the makers were forced to allow a hospital to operate in the background in order to make ends meet, on the condition that the stupid real doctors and patients wouldn't get in the way. There was also a point where people would injure themselves whilst in the area of this hospital in order to get to see the underpaid stars of this show. An end was put to this by ensuring that each person in desperate need of help didn't know the show before they were picked up by the emergency services. This process usually took half an hour, but after some time medics were ordered to ensure they took longer so that the person in need of help would realize that in order to get to a hospital fast, they were better off going to a hospital that was further away than being asked more questions in order to survive.
The Pilot was the only "The" character who never made it into any of the episodes of Scrubs, unlike The Janitor or The Todd. Still, The Pilot lasted throughout the entire show and is still included in the scripts and recorded playing his role. But he always ends up being edited out. No one knows who acts this role, nor what characteristics The Pilot follows. He was supposed to be the first person you see on the first episode and also be the person who JD gets his inner-monologue from.
The inner-monologue is a force that is featured in Scrubs and is also a minor plot-hole. In the first seasons of the show, anyone had thoughts, although JD was the one who had the most. Later on, no one had thoughts unless JD didn't have thoughts. And then, even later, the inner-monologue is only passed by contact with JD, in which JD loses his thought process and it is passed on to whoever has touched him in a certain way (no innuendo intended). Aside from this monologue being the characters' thoughts, it is also the narrator of the show. 'Tis a powerful thing, indeed.
Yet another mental health issue raised in the programme is JD's over-imagination. JD possesses the power to have powerfully detailed and animated visions which play randomly, before flashing back to reality. The theme for these visions are often Alice in Wonderland-esque (fucked up) and funny, while containing gore, action and a lot of sex.
Dr. John Michael "J.D." Dorian
J.D., played by Tobey Maguire is based on the famous person who discovered "Dorian's Diesese", which is a non-contagious mental problem which gives a person a explicitly high imagination, inner-monologue and inability to permanently change his ways. Zack Braff, twin of Toby also played J.D. on several occasions.Hmm, noticed how the main character has the shortest story so far? I guess me babbling on like this doesn't help. Mmm, you know who this guy is now, don't you? The inventor and patent holder of the "Safety Dance", which, when performed at a construction site makes one impervious to falling steel girders. Although earlier stated he is a pure, perfect clone of Toby Maguire he is not homosexual. Zack Braff has been in very other works, while not being homosexual, mostly commercials and stupid Comedy Central movies. I know what you are thinking he has a black best friend in which he does ball bumps with, this is a completely non-homosexual act of affections to the same sex black best friend. It could be said that J.D. has a lot of sex with Elliot, which is completely true because he is the straightest non-homo guy around. his lack of gayatude is also made clear as he has wild angry sex with Dani (note the girl spelling) whom is played by the very big boobed Tara Reid.
John Dorian is my father.
Dr. Elliot Reed
Elliot Reed, otherwise known as "The Main Hot Girl" or the "Dumb Blonde Rich Bitch" (but she's not really), played by second-string, pinch-hitting Becky Connor from "Roseanne," Sarah Chalke. And the prissy, yet manly is a very unassured, unhappy doctor and is also JD's first girlfriend in the hospital (we assume not of all time). Since audiences are such pathetic saps for the whole "will-they, won't-they" romantic plot, "Scrubs" decided to use it. And gullible idiots gobbled it up. She is also JD's 4th, 7th and 10th girlfriend... And a whole load more. She is best known for the really hot sex scene that she has with JD; I'd watch it if I were you. And try to get hold of the other footage that was cut out for TV. Remember that Scrubs, like all TV programmes was originally planned to be a porno, in fact... It still pretty much is. They got together at the end. But by the end... who cared anymore?
Dr. Christopher Turk Duncan
... Jeez that's a mouthful. Turk, played by famous resurrected actor 2Pac/Tupac Shakur (whatever the kids are calling him nowadays) is boyfriend/husband (sorry if the husband bit ruined the story for you) of Nurse Carla Espinosa. He is a Surgeon in Sacred Heart who likes eating, despite his Type 2 Diabetes. Oh yeah, he's also best friends with the main character, (Dr. John Michael "J.D." Dorian). Tupac is also a world champion of hide the saltine. this widely played game is a battle of the wits and strength of those sucked into its natural awesomeness. it is rumored that hide the saltine will be put into the Olympics in 2014/Never. his extreme love for his best friend is stolen by Dr. Mahoney (Joe).
Turk's wife played by Vida Geurra. A smokin' hot wife. Is Hispanic from Chicago, Illinois, but was born in the Dominican Republic. Whilst apparently in love with turk, her true love is Dr. Dorian. He is the father of her child, as in fact all females in the hospital fuck him.
The Janitor, played by Jim Carrey is the Janitor (duh) of the hospital who bears no name. He collects squirrels and stuffs them. Also, this guy has a fun sense of humor. And, umm... He hates the main character... Maybe hate is a strong word... Uhmm... Well, the idea is that he has a grudge against him, because JD was blamed for putting a penny in a door keeping it from opening without doing it. But later, it's revealed the Janitor is such a creepy sad leper of a loser that torturing J.D. is the closest thing in the world he can obtain to friendship. He later gets a girlfriend 'cause... well, "Scrubs" is just a TV show. The actor playing The Janitor left as soon as the star left since he knew the show would die almost instantly after. He can be a dick to "J.D." as well as Douche and still give him crap!!
All of those odd stories the janitor tell are made up on the spot from his own mind.
Dr. Robert "Bob" Kelso
Dr. Kelso, played by Ken Jenkins is the big boss of the hospital. Y'know, the brains, the godfather, the lord almighty, dumbledore, the hulk... Wait... Umm... Anyway, this guy tells people what to do and stuff. He has a very mean exterior (he made me cry once) but deep, deep, deep down there is a touch of human personality contained within him. It doesn't show on most of the show (lol, show on most of the show... god I need a life) but on occasional episodes you'll see him getting in touch with his feminine side... Or maybe that's one of the deleted scenes, hmm.. He can be a TOTAL dick to "J.D." as well. He is job is to give him crap!!
Dr. Percival "Perry" Ulysses Cox
Dr. Cox is played by Scott Thompson (aka Carrot Top) and is soo cool. He's like the funny guy who tells people what to do. He's like Kelso but cares more for the patients of the hospital. ROFL!! His last name is "Cox" as in "Dr. Cocks". He has a multiple dildo collection. He also goes on occasional rants n stuff. Once he smashed a lab up. Again, sorry if I'm ruining things for you... But you should just watch the series before reading this, I mean... Come on... Weird name, though... "Percival Ulysses Cox"? Sounds like some sort of disease. Note to all people called that: No offence, but your mother must have been having a laugh! This guy is VERY VERY mean, a douche, and A TOTAL Dick!!!
Douglas "Doug" Murphy
Doug is an incredibly incompetent doctor who kills people for the first few seasons and manages to stay in the hospital somehow until he moves to the morgue "the worst he could do there is bring someone back to life". The only reason for his continued employment and existence is... "Scrubs" is a TV show.
Todd "The Todd" Quinlan
HIGH FIVE!, SEX! and BOOBIES! He is known as Sexual Harassment Guy. He sexually abuses women while at work. I'm surprised that Sacred Heart has no hired a lawsuit at all!. But you must admit that his sorry ass excuse for human life in pretty damn funny so lets go for a high five. the reason for Todd's behavior is due to his addiction to crack and his inability to come out of the closet, but mostly the crack.
Dr.Hooch is played by the famous and worldly Sidney Poitier, and is a major character in the scrubs universe. Whilst not given much screen time, he has played a major part in keeping Sacred Heart a stable and otherwise respectable hospital. While the other characters spend their time dancing around and singing to patients rather than helping them, Hooch uses his time and plethora of talents to not only ensure the safety and stability of the patients, but to also enable Sacred Heart to run financially. In one episode of scrubs in which J.D. tried unsuccessfully to keeps his sexual frustration from his co-workers, Dr. Hooch saved three patients from cardiac arrest, cured another patient of polio, successfully transplanted both a liver and lung, balance the Sacred Heart check book and still find the opportunity to ravish Carla, his one true love. Because of the increased pressure of his position, and the increasing incompetence of his colleagues, Dr. Hooch eventually broke down and suffered severe mental decay, and by the time season four arrived, he had all but lost his sanity and resorted to mindless bouts of sex and drugs, often spurred by the unlawful use of his name. He was eventually released from the hospital in season 5 after it was revealed he had fathered Carla's child. He also held multiple interns hostage, however that was a moment of rebellion against the fascias government ruling the country. He is an angry mexican.
Dr. Denise Mahoney
Basically, NO DEAL. Her constant frowning makes it look like she is diverting potential fart-air. Inserted as the stereotypical 'badass girl who's got problems exposing her feelings to people because it would make her look like less of a hard-ass woman but GOD does she have a fine body and OMG SHE EVENTUALLY DOES SHOW SOME EMOTION, oooh this series is SOOOO DEEP and watchable, I'm so happy with the generational change they've introduced! Under no circumstances am I going to give up Scrubs altogether and start spanking off to photos of Hillary Clinton instead!! NO WAY!!'. Her acting is so bad she was probably casted for Birdemic, only to presumably turn it down because she made the CGI birds look like Jane Fonda by comparison.
In the series, she has sex with fat people. Apparently. Who cares?
There is no Season 9, there never will be a Season 9 of Scrubs... Okay? There is this show slightly related that calls itself Scrubs Season 9, but that show is crap, OK?! I refuse to watch that piece of scrub. And the main character is a scrubber. Ha, get it? I'm wasted... this guy is wrong and right about somethings season 9 is pure unadulterated crap and has no real purpose other than to help bulimics puke their guts out but it has a couple of funny things in it. Only so the bulimics puking their guts out can here a punch line here and there so i suppose there really is absolutely no purpose for this ABC Family piece of crap.