Scissor Sisters

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Scissorsis

Scissor Sisters- left to right Graham Norton, Gerry Adams, Willy Woofta, Jeff Smith and Del Boy

The Scissor Sisters are a pop nonentity and glamorous American band formed by 4 post op transsexuals in 2001.

The band was named after the famous sex position preformed by lesbians (where two muff divers spread their legs, put their muffs together and do a little wiggle). Equity denied them use of the already taken band name, 4 Poofs and a Piano. After settling on the name "Scissor Sisters" the band recruited a 5th member, a transvestite former oil worker from Texas, by the name of Jeff Smith. Jeff promptly reverted to his drag queen stage name, Ana Matronic, to fit the "glamorous" image of the band. Well, I say "glamorous", but I'd rather be dry-bummed by that thick bricklayer...y'know, Charlie Whatshisname off the telly, than go near that rug-munching munter !

They have become famous also for their campaign for Heterosexual rights to marriage, as well as for hit songs like "I Don't Feel Like Felching".

edit Previous Incarnation

Prior to being afflicted with faux-gayness (see 'Rupert Everett's Disease') and emigrating to America, their career began in the North of England as a Macc Lads Tribute Band. The cross-cultural impact of performing several of the "Lad's" seminal works such as "Now he's a Poof", and "Got to be Gordon's" properly queer'd 'em up, like !

edit Line Up

The members of the band:

  • Jake Shears (born Willy Woofta)Mincing, Vocals
  • Babydaddy (born Gerry Adams – Bass, mincing
  • Ana Matronic (born Jeff Smith) Merle Haggard's beard for trombone
  • Del Marquis (born Del Boy Trotter) mincing
  • Paddy Boom (born Graham Norton) drums, mincing
  • Arthur Swanson (born Nevil Fertitti) Bible verses, Sade impersonations, mincing

edit Stalker Scandal

The group were caught up in a scandal in 2006 when a practicing British homosexual, Bobby Housefield bought every ticket for their 2007 tour of England. Housefield, a know stalker of bands had plotted to push his homosexual views onto the staunchly straight group, in an attempt to "convert them". Housefield had also planned to attend the concerts with an accomplice know to the police as Anthea, posing as a normal heterosexual couple, in order to lull the band into a false sense of security, before striking.

Thw Scissor Sisters, however were not the only band that Housefield targeted. In 2006 he was heard to hurl abuse at celebrity lard bucket lesbian, Beth Ditto of the Gossip, at a gig. In hearing the slurs, Ditto immediately recognised Housefield from news reports, and attempted to leave the stage in order to "kick his ass". In attempting to reach him, her massive vagina region became lodged on a metal fence she had attempted to climb over, slowing her up enough for Housefield to make good his escape. Housefield has also been spotted on several occasions harassing redneck comedy band Hayseed Dixie, shouting out "Fat Bottomed Girls" repeatedly and sticking out his enormous tongue.

Housefield had also made reservations at top hotels being used by the group and approached members of the band preaching his gay philosophies. Only when the police slapped a restraining order on him in summer 2007, did he desist from this behavior and return to his hobbies of playing Nintendo Wii, and blowing into dogs anuses.

When asked for a statement on the matter, the band's agent, Mr E. Labi declined to comment on the incident itself, instead focusing on the rumor that popular entertainer Sade, had been mauled to death by a Giant Panda called "Chi-Chi" The rumor of the singer's demise was later quashed. Mr Labi explained that Sade was one of his inspirations for the band's style,(other influences given were George Michael and Elton John)and that his indifference to the scandal surround his band was not a slight on his artists importance, but more a reflection of the seriousness of the growing number of popular singers being attacked and killed by Pandas.

edit Discography

Albums

  • The Coming out Album
  • Scissor Sisters
  • Ta Dah!!! (the Flashing Album)

Singles

  • Electrobitch
  • Your Gran (Is Gay)
  • Uncomfortably Dumb
  • Don't Take Your Mama, Take Your Dada
  • Mary (Has been Lezzing up with Your Gran)
  • Clean/Horrible
  • I Don't Feel Like Felching
  • Brown Hats don't make it
  • Presidential Aids
  • Land of a Thousand Words (if I only have 1 word and that word is faggot)
  • (S)he's My Woman
  • Suck me off
  • I can't Decide (Pink or Brown)
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