Science

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A sketch of Dave Noodell's famous 4 week monkey gun lab

“All this science, I don't understand.”

~ Rocket Man on Science.

“That sounds painful!”

~ Ordinary people on things Science tries to explain.

“The Atheist's AK-47 against God ”

~ A violent, genetically engineered Richard Dawkins.

“Oh my God, Science”

~ Everyone

“She blinded me with science.”

~ Thomas Dolby.

“Jesus healed a blind man. Take that science!”

~ God, on the above quote.

Science™ and its more wackier form SCIENCE! is the name given to a sort of magic created by magicians who call themselves "scientists". Science has been disproving religious beliefs since the 1900's. No-one can go to church without saying to oneself..."science already proved THAT wrong".

People think that science is just a class you take in school, but it will change the world. Soon, we will be saying "Oh my God, Science" and "Science be praised", or perhaps even "Science willing". In time, "Oh Science, oh Science, oh my Science" will be the number one orgasm call-out.

Contents

[edit] History of Science

Pythagoras doesn't want you to know the TRUTH, man.

Science didn't originate from the scientific method, a method in which any master baition or theory of master baition that has been proven wrong in experiments or real-life experience (of master baition) is permanently discarded. Therefore, science refers to the practice of (master baition) meticulously removing pieces of information from the sum of human knowledge. The ultimate goal of this practice is to make the sum of human knowledge equal zero, although it is hypothesized that towards the end, the knowledge of how to remove knowledge will be removed, and thus human knowledge will never equal zero.

The methodology and reasoning behind science has changed considerably since ancient times, especially with the invention of the Scientific Way of Doing Things (note that this procedure was renamed after the second half of its previous title was removed from the dictionary).

In 1995 Noel Edmonds formed, with Ron Hubbard's help, the science institute. What we know about science has recently been written on the back of a postage stamp at Albert College Cambridge. The project, part of ten-year program of generic definition used a maser focused on the sum of human knowledge to generate results. As reported in the UK Science Journal Nu Scientist, the researchers were reported to be ‘disappointed’ and ‘keen to forget the whole bloody thing’.

Plus we all just like the section in school about human reproductive organs.

[edit] Science of History

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to Science.

Science was derived from the Greek word "Nerdalius" meaning smart crap no-one cares about, or even understands (thus the language of ancient Greek is itself a science).

In a certain sense, science has always existed. However, in a correct sense, science was invented in 1200 BC by a Greek. His name is unknown (though some experts believe it to be Con Science).

Science in those days was closely related to philosophy and the arts; mostly this relation was sort of like a jealous older brother who beats his siblings up. This was, however, the desired effect; one of the reasons science was conceived of was to piss off "those damned snooty artists" (Heron, Why All You Fresco Painters Can Suck my Cock, page 10). Proto-scientists from this period were just as often soothsayers as they were reputable experts. Nevertheless, many stunning breakthroughs were made during this period, most of which had practical unapplications, such as the de-invention of fire.

[edit] History, Science of

One of the early successes in science was Euclid's What Elements?, which organized and then destroyed all knowledge of standard geometry in one tome. The only residual knowledge we have of geometry is Euclid's Theorem of Euclid, which states: If A=B and B is the circumference of Euclid, then Euclid is an awesome dude. QED.

Science, however, faced dark times during the Middle Ages, when religious oppression by the Catholic Church started a new wave of discovery. Among the ideas perpetuated during this bleak period:

  • The Earth is semi-spherical in shape, and orbits the sun, which is yellow, shiny and killed lady gagas fashion sense (see also Flat Earth Society)
  • Everything is composed of tiny particles called atoms
  • Maybe this democracy thing might be fun to try.
  • The solar system orbits the "Milky Way" which by the way is approx 133,666,67 lighyears across, with a black høle in the middle.
  • The reason the North star never move from it's North-position is that it's sexually attracted to Earths North-pole.

However science should be worshiped by all it is a know fact that sciece shouldbe belived over all

[edit] The Science of Guns and Condoms

Guns are for shooting hoes and rich douches. Condoms are for safe sex. Guns are really the only useful thing.

Guns can be used to kill peolpe that you knocked up by not using a condom so.... USE A CONDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


please

[edit] Scientific Way of Doing Things

Developed at the precise moment everyone thought science was just a passing fad, the Scientific Way of Doing Things formalized the approach scientists would take to remove knowledge from human minds, allowing the field to flourish and fully separate itself from its mystic beginnings. In the words of metascience expert John "Don't quote me on this" Smith, "The Scientific Way of Doing Things is based on the ancient divination ritual of Guess and Check. Thanks to the innovations of the past century, we've been able to remove the 'Check' phase."

The Scientific Way of Doing Things is strictly adhered to by all respectable scientists and involves 6 steps:

  1. Find a piece of information you dislike. In our example, we will use the statement "1+1=2"
  2. Form a statement which will take its place ("1+1=Dolemite")
  3. Email this statement to everyone you know. Include the subject line "FWD: Something u didn't know!!! I no i didn't!"
  4. Publish an article on your Myspace.
  5. Brush your teeth. A fresh smile adds a layer of believability.
  6.  ?????
  7. Profit.

[edit] The Purpose of Science

Image:Gifts_of_science.JPG


[edit] Is Science different from Religion?

Can the scientists refute this verse? God finally told, “none of my creations or their derivatives can get rid of divisibility, comparability, connectivity, disturbability, reorderability, substitutability and satisfiability." Men and woman born under heaven with my wisdom are to experience and reveal these indestructible properties of mine through everyone and everything. My sons who realize my indestructible wisdom through these properties prosper in my kingdom. My sons who attempt to destroy my indestructible properties destroy their prosperity and acquire insanity.

Note: divisibility, comparability, connectivity, disturbability, reorderability, substitutablity and satisfiability - these are properties. They are not things.

  • Divisibility is the property without which one can neither be a part nor be a whole.
  • Comparability is the property without which one can neither be an equivalence nor be a difference.
  • Connectivity is the property without which one can neither be a link nor be a limit.
  • Disturbability is the property without which one can neither be a influence nor be a senseation.
  • Reorderability is the property without which one can neither be an origin nor be a derivative. (origin - what is reordered, derivative - the outcome of reordering)
  • Substitutability is the property without which one can neither be a substitute nor be misfit.
  • Satisfiablity is the property without which one can neither be a requirement nor be a fulfillment.


ONE HAS TO REFUTE THIS VERSE SCIENTIFICALLY IN ORDER TO PROVE THAT SCIENCE IS DIFFERENT FROM RELIGION.

YOU CANNOT REFUTE THIS VERSE BECAUSE SCIENCE ITSELF TRIES TO PROVE THIS.

Look at the great sciencefic revelations one by one.

[edit] Areas of Science

[edit] Specialized Areas

[edit] Disputed Areas

[edit] Not To Be Confused With

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