Science Olympiad
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Science Olympiad is a national competition that gathers the best and brightest students in the country(Asians, Jews,and Immigrant Children). Its primary purpose is to crush the spirits of middle-school and high-school aged students through the agony of defeat. This program shows kids how incredibly stupid they are compared to other students in the United States. The few teams that manage to make it to the national level will soon have their hopes and dreams crushed even more after they lose at the national level. If they still manage to do well there, they are taken to meet the Chinese. No-one has yet survived the experience.
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[edit] Cruel and Unusual Practices
Most hearts are broken during the infamous "Awards Ceremony", where awards are given, not to congratulate the winners, but to rub it in the face of the losers. At the conclusion of this ceremony, most relationships formed during the process of getting to nationals will be broken off into about 67 small, bite-sized pieces. Not surprisingly, this causes a large amount of depression cases among competitors, and there is an average of 14 suicide attempts reported at each national competition. It also sucks whenever you go to nationals and the team sitting in front of you wins a bunch of medals and stink pretty bad. Everytime they get up you start fanning the air. When they win 1st overall... they smell even worse and the're loud. This is considered very cruel punishment. Additionally the "Swap-Meet" is another time of intense odor. Regardless of the size, location, and paint color of the room in which the swap meet is, there is a guarantee that by the end of the evening it will smell terrible.
[edit] Famous Supporters
Science Olympiad has created some of the best minds this country has ever seen, including Charles Manson, Michael Moore, 50 Cent and Gene Ray. In 1995, Fidel Castro personally made a speech on the many positive effects of this program. During the speech, he also announced the opening of his new coffee shop, the Commie Café. Other participants include Blair Stephan, Stephanie Hao, Michelle Seria, Robert Burns, Brent Mueller, Trevor Cowler is a fag, Paul "Retard" Stephan, Danielle Devine and Gary Vorwald. Also durring the cold war joseph stalin was a very famous supporter of science olympiad. So remember, if your in science olympiad, your a dirty communist
[edit] How To Win:
You don't. You will lose no matter how smart you are. You could have 100% in every class, but still, not gonna happen. The smelly guys in front of you cheated by doing the event supervisors. So if you lose, don't feel bad, just give up all hopes and dreams you ever had. Victory can be determined after finding the derivative of the AQ and JQ (asian and jewish quotients). Not even god has managed to defeat a team with a combined AQ and JQ of 100.
However there are still ways to win
1. Sabatoge: Break all of their tech projects and burn their notes 2. Cheating aka. Looking over the asian, jewish, immigrant child's shoulder to see what they put down 3. The good old transmitter in the ear trick with a person in a van miles away telling you the answer 4. Steal the graded tests and change the scores 5. Steal the smart kid's test and change the names with yours 6. Steal the answer key 7. Take Hostages 8. Bribery 9. Blackmail 10.Murder 11.Spanish Inquisition-torture the Jewish members of the other teams and force them to convert, thus making them less intelligent and decreasing the number of future accountants.
[edit] Canadian Version
The Canadian version is basically the same but, it's about 10 times worse, eh?. Simply because Emmanuel Kim came from that boring piece of ice.
[edit] Science
Science has nothing to do with this. It's all about total annihilation of rival schools with rockets and catapults and the dancing upon the ashes of their bodies. Don't ever respect your opponent. If they win a bunch of medals, don't stop telling them how bad they smell and burn their school to the ground or take their medals and kick their asses with them. Also take their medals and burn them.
