Science

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Science is Cool! I really evolved from a monkey!!

A sketch of Dave Noodell's famous 4 week monkey gun lab

“All this science, I don't understand.”

~ Rocket Man on Science.

Science™ and its more wackier form SCIENCE! is the name given to a sort of magic created by magicians who call themselves "scientists". Science has been disproving religious beliefs since the 1900's. No-one can go to church without saying to oneself..."science already proved THAT wrong".

People think that science is just a class you take in school, but it will change the world. Soon, we will be saying "Oh my Science" and "Science be praised", or perhaps even "Science willing". In time, "Oh Science, oh Science, oh my Science" will be the number one orgasm call-out.

[edit] History of Science

Pythagoras doesn't want you to know the TRUTH, man.

Science didn't originate from the scientific method, a method in which any master baition or theory of master baition that has been proven wrong in experiments or real-life experience (of master baition) is permanently discarded. Therefore, science refers to the practice of (master baition) meticulously removing pieces of information from the sum of human knowledge. The ultimate goal of this practice is to make the sum of human knowledge equal zero, although it is hypothesized that towards the end, the knowledge of how to remove knowledge will be removed, and thus human knowledge will never equal zero.

The methodology and reasoning behind science has changed considerably since ancient times, especially with the invention of the Scientific Way of Doing Things (note that this procedure was renamed after the second half of its previous title was removed from the dictionary).

In 1995 Noel Edmonds formed, with Ron Hubbard's help, the science institute. What we know about science has recently been written on the back of a postage stamp at Albert College Cambridge. The project, part of ten-year program of generic definition used a maser focused on the sum of human knowledge to generate results. As reported in the UK Science Journal Nu Scientist, the researchers were reported to be ‘disappointed’ and ‘keen to forget the whole bloody thing’.

Plus we all just like the section in school about human reproductive organs.

[edit] Science of History

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Science.

Science was derived from the Greek word "Nerdalius" meaning smart crap no-one cares about, or even understands (thus the language of ancient Greek is itself a science).

In a certain sense, science has always existed. However, in a correct sense, science was invented in 1200 BC by a Greek. His name is unknown, since the first scientific experiment involved removing knowledge of his own name from the minds of everyone.

Science in those days was closely related to philosophy and the arts; mostly this relation was sort of like a jealous older brother who beats his siblings up. This was, however, the desired effect; one of the reasons science was conceived of was to piss off "those damned snooty artists" (Heron, Why All You Fresco Painters Can Suck my Cock, page 10). Proto-scientists from this period were just as often soothsayers as they were reputable experts. Nevertheless, many stunning breakthroughs were made during this period, most of which had practical unapplications, such as the de-invention of fire.

[edit] History, Science of

One of the early successes in science was Euclid's What Elements?, which organized and then destroyed all knowledge of standard geometry in one tome. The only residual knowledge we have of geometry is Euclid's Theorem of Euclid, which states: If A=B and B is the circumference of Euclid, then Euclid is an awesome dude. QED.

Science, however, faced dark times during the Middle Ages, when religious oppression by the Catholic Church started a new wave of discovery. Among the ideas perpetuated during this bleak period:

The Earth is semi-spherical in shape, and orbits the sun, which is yellow (see also Flat Earth Society)
Everything is composed of tiny particles called atoms
Maybe this democracy thing might be fun to try.

However, the Church experienced a great drop in influence during a period in the 17th century known as "That Time When We Lost a lot of Our Words for Things," a period of intense scientific growth. While science healed quickly and easily reconciled most facts perpetuated by the Church, scars still remain to this day which science is trying desperately to forget.

[edit] The Science of Guns and Condoms

Guns are for shooting hoes and rich douches. Condoms are for safe sex. Guns are really the only useful thing.

[edit] Scientific Way of Doing Things

Developed at the precise moment everyone thought science was just a passing fad, the Scientific Way of Doing Things formalized the approach scientists would take to remove knowledge from human minds, allowing the field to flourish and fully separate itself from its mystic beginnings. In the words of metascience expert John "Don't quote me on this" Smith, "The Scientific Way of Doing Things is based on the ancient divination ritual of Guess and Check. Thanks to the innovations of the past century, we've been able to remove the 'Check' phase."

The Scientific Way of Doing Things is strictly adhered to by all respectable scientists and involves 6 steps:

Find a piece of information you dislike. In our example, we will use the statement "1+1=2"
Form a statement which will take its place ("1+1=Dolemite")
Email this statement to everyone you know. Include the subject line "FWD: Something u didn't know!!! I no i didn't!"
Publish an article on your Myspace.
Brush your teeth. A fresh smile adds a layer of believability.
?????
Profit.