Schneidics

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

Schneidics is a faith science by which we can know everything. It produces knowledge by testing faith.

edit Knowledge

Human knowledge can be divided into three categories: fact, belief and faith.

edit Fact

Facts are info known for certain, even if they are untrue, or if the knower is wrong. Facts have been proven by the knower, by testing for falsity. Tests use the senses to measure phenomena as experience. Science tests whether these experiences are consistent with other sensed experiences, including the experience of knowledge. A fact can be either true or false, or to a degree if the fact is a complex of discrete bits, even on a iota continuum if more than a minimum immediate experience.

"I am reading this sentence." is a fact, as far as you know.

Facts are the product of science.

edit Belief

Beliefs are information that has not been proven by the knower, but accepted. Like facts, they could be proven false, but have not been, by the believer or perhaps by anyone else. Belief is unreliable, but much easier than fact, so very popular. It is usually false, but most people don't know that, or at least seem to care.

"This definition is correct." is a belief, trust me.

Beliefs are the product of science done by others.

edit Faith

Faith is information that cannot be proven false, by the knower or anyone else the knower knows, our who they could know, but the knower accepts. Faith is almost totally unreliable, but still popular. There is information that cannot be proven false, but which can be known by faith. The truth or falsity of this info is also unknowable, or could be used to disprove the info. Faith is useless, except to control the world, or to think you do.

"This statement is false." is faith.

Faith is the product of religion, too much free time, and late night infomercials. But more profitable.

edit Schneidics: Faith Science

Schneidics converts info uncovered by faith into scientific fact. Among its techniques are foolish consistency, falsation and simmetry.

edit The Normisphere

Schneidics was first used in field experiments to map the normisphere. The normisphere was observed closely in the 1980s around New York City and Northern California by the first schneidists. In the normisphere, things go remarkably wrong. Schneidists mapped the normisphere to avoid going wrong. In the map schneidists located the fundamental quanta of luck: probons.

edit Probons

Probability quanta of luck are instances of a class called probons. Different types of probons instantiate event probabilities: potential, actual, and transmitted. Probons instantiate good events, the default in the nomenclature. Bad events are instantiated in antibons. Some consider the schneidics history of discovering antibons first to be ironic, while schneidists know that all karma appears as bad karma to the unwise.

Anti/Probons
Maybons Hapons Transons
Probons: Forton Bingon Bonon
Antibons: Murphon Normon Malon (Queeb)

edit Maybons: Potential Events

Maybons are potential luck quanta.

The first fruits of schneidics were the discoveries of the potential antibons, bad luck murphons (measured in murphies units), governed by Murphy's Law. Schneidics demonstrated that the normisphere converts murphons to normons (things actually gone wrong). The primary strategy for keeping low normies of normons is to lower the normisphere murphies.

Potential probons are good luck fortons (measured in forties). The global schneidics community conducts ongoing experiments to map a proposed "inverse normisphere" that converts fortons to bingons (things actually gone right).

Interaction between murphons and normons has not yet been directly observed. Some schneidists postulate that more or less un/lucky spacetime loci are mixtures of independent murphons and normons in different proportions and total quantity. Other schneidics research tests whether these maybons interact, constructively or destructively interfering directly, or through the exchange of transbons.

edit Hapons: Actual Events

Hapons are quanta of what actually happens, good or bad.

The first schnedists noticed that the normisphere was remarkably high in normies. Which turned out to be the count of normons. These normies of normons were the first clues to probons, the kinetic luck first noticed in its antibon, or bad luck, state. The normisphere can convert merely potential murphons into actual bad luck normons. Then things go wrong.

Actual lucky probons, good hapons, are bingons, measured in bingies. Most people would rather be lucky than good any day. Schneidists can be both, simultaneously. An inverted normisphere (abnormisphere) can convert potential probons, good luck fortons, into actual lucky bingons (measured in bingies).

edit Transons: Transmitted Events

Transons are transmitted probons. Good vibes are bonons. Inverted bonons are "bad vibe" queebs, though other malons are rumored. Queebs are a discontinuity with the divine, a connection between Schneidics, Orgonics and Invitology.

edit Research Fields

edit Nemory

Schneidics has published research on nemory: what we don't know, that never happened.

edit Temunics

The main area of schneidics research is proving how "time is money", or the "T=$ʍ"[1]. This "monetemporal" (or "temunary", depending on the direction of conversion) proportion is more precise than Einstein's relativity E=mc2. Current projects focus on splitting the penny, or shattering the moment, depending on which is bigger.

edit Other

Schneidics has revealed basic insights into how "knowledge is power".

edit Applications

Machines and techniques applying schneidics produce "miracles", articles of faith that the knower experiences directly.

Temunics and other research form the theoretical basis for engineering machines to manufacture good luck (including recycling bad luck). Schneidics engineers plan to generate fast money or free time, once the proportion is determined, and the grants applications are completed.

edit See also

edit Footnotes

  1. Current browsers do not properly render the "inverted cursive omega" (ω, but rotated 180°) symbol of the Time/Money proportion, trust me. It's called "omegya", pronounced "oh-MAY-gyuh", temporarily (cheaply) rendered here in a block glyph "ʍ", the "Latin small letter turned w", U+028d.
Personal tools
projects