A detailed map of the Schlieffen Plan.

The Schlieffen Plan refers to a devious plan invented by the German henchman to Kaiser Wilhelm II, Heinrich Von Schlieffen. The plan has been used over and over again by the Germans to help their ultimate goal of the World Domination. Despite the Germans using the tactic four times in the past the other world powers haven't learnt from this and haven't adapted to countering the Schlieffen Plan. Therefore the Schlieffen Plan is in the Guinness Pint of World Records as the Longest Unsolved Most Devious Plan Ever. Due to this the age of history between 1870 and the present day is to be named the age of Schlieffen to sum up the fact that the main historical event that happens in this age is the Germans invading everything in their bid for World Domination.

The elements of the plan Edit

The German plan is quite simple and Machiavellan. Instead of targeting France and invading France directly the Germans simply invaded Holland and Belgium first and invaded along the Belgian border where the French least expected (unless they had bothered to learn from the time before). In this way not only did were the French caught off guard but the Germans also manage to get most of the continent to support the Low Countries in the war effort.


The French response to the Schlieffen Plan.

The first recorded use of the Schlieffen Plan Edit

The Schlieffen War was first put into action 40 years before it was devised. In 1870 Germany (or Prussia) invaded France. They were able to trick the French though as their newly devised blitzkrieg tactics threw the French offguard when the Germans used their new invention Die Kampfmachinaautomatakriegsvire, which consisted of placing a large artillery piece on top of a wagon and towing it along thereby inventing mobile artillery.

The Schlieffen Plan was succesfully used in invading Holland and then Belgium and finally capturing paris in France. Instead of the British backing up the French's position the Brits just laughed at what useless bunch of softies they were.

The Schlieffen Plan had worked so well that the Germans thought that they'd use that trick over and over again. The French however thought that in the good spirit of chivalry the Germans had played a dirty trick once so they weren't going to do it again.

WW1 Edit

Heinrich Von Schlieffen stole the plan off the last war and used it again to attack the French. yet again the French were caught off guard but managed to hold the Germans back once Germany got into France. This was because the day the Germans attacked was the first and only recorded day that the Paris taxi service weren't on strike and so rushed all the troops into battle via a taxi.

Some skeptics out there would say that the Schlieffen Plan is successfully defeated by the French in this war and therefore the plan should not be awarded the Guinness pint of World Record's Longest Unsolved Most Devious Plan Ever award. However these skeptics are historically inaccurate as most people assume that the Schlieffen Plan was used in WW1 to defeat the French but in actual fact it was used to defeat the Russians and it worked. The Germans invaded Russia via the route of Holland and Belgium as this is where the Russians least expected the attack to come from.

WW2 Edit

Most generals usually aim to fight the previous war, so the Germans showing no imagination planned to use the Schlieffen plan a third time, and the French British and Belgians assumed they would. But the plan was accidentally dropped into Belgium. So instead the crafty Germans only pretended to be using the Schlieffen plan, sending a smallish force into Belgium. For the second time in a row this angered the Brits who joined the war to stick up for Belgium. This is mainly backed up by a world-shortage of chocolate once Belgium was invaded so the British could no longer import enough chocolate for their after-eights. The British and French were lured forward into Belgium, then the Germans sent most of their army through the impassable Ardennes Forest for the third time in history, to trap them.

In 1944 the allies finally landed back in France and pushed the Germans back to their own frontier. They were obviously beaten, and certainly couldn't attack again with tanks through the impossible Ardennes, for only a fourth time in history, otherwise we would have to call it something like .. "the battle of the Bulge" ?

Despite the success of the Schlieffen Plan fourth-time running the Germans still lost and were rather annoyed. This also confirms that the plans the Germans used during their World Domination attempts weren't the reason why they lost both world wars (and one World Cup!). Hitler then escaped to Argentina where he taught the native Spanish inhabitants the technique behind the Schlieffen Plan. The Argentinians then used the Schlieffen Plan, in its only known recording of not being used by Germany, to invade Britain via the Falkland Islands. Skeptics claim that this shows a failure of the Schlieffen Plan but others disagree claiming that the second-part of the plan where Britain is invaded by Argentina hasn't initiated yet so we cannot tell whether the plan has failed.


Angela Merkel's message towards Greece.

The Greek Economic Collapse of 2011 Edit

The final recorded use of the Schlieffen Plan is when it was used against Greece by the Germans through economic instead of military means. The Chancellor of Germany, Angela Merkel ordered the plan to be put into action by creating the EU (Europe Undermined). By doing this she could then control Greece's economy and cripple it.

Merkel then plans to cripple the Cyprus economy and invade Cyprus where Greece least expects the invasion to come from. Then Merkel can invade mainland Greece to secure the country. Greece will give Germany a stable platform in the Balkans from where Germany can begin to take over the Middle East.