Schapelle Corby

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Schapelle reportedly paid thousands of dollars to a make up artist for this shot, demanding they make her look 'perfect'

Schapelle Corby was born to a lesbian and popular television icon Skippy the Kangaroo in the Australia outback in 1969. When Schapelle was 4 years old, her mother fatally overdosed on LSD. Due to the stress of looking after a child, Skippy's past of alcoholism and hard drug use resurfaced. In 1979, police investigating Skippy for an alleged theft of a oven, instead found several kilograms of cocaine hidden in his house. They arrested Skippy and put him in a county prison for life. It is widely believed that Schapelle's future mental problems were caused by the years of physical and sexual abuse that Skippy forced upon her in his drug induced rages.

Schapelle the Tank Engine

Schapelle tomas

Schapelle in her days as a Tank Engine - She was the self-proclaimed 'best piece of ass in 7 states'

When Skippy was jailed, Corby, realising she had her whole life in front of her, decided to do something she had always dreamt of...become a Tank Engine. She organised a meeting and after giving the Fat Controller a lapdance, was offered a job as a whore train. She performed well for years, but one day, after work, Corby was offered heroin by fellow Tank Engine, Gordon. She developed a hardcore addiction, and seeing her as a dangerous liability, the Fat Controller fired her.

Schapelle As Paul Hogan's Hat

Corby as Hat

Corby as Paul Hogan's hat - according to myth, she is one of only two people alive to have seen Hogan's penis. The other of course being Ernie Dingo.

In 1986, Corby auditioned for the role of Paul Hogan's hat in Crocodile Dundee. Whilst the film was an enormous success, boosting Hogan into the limelight, Corby was almost immediately forgotten, and again found herself in the position of having to find work. Crocodile Dundee's producers did not like Corby in her role as the hat, and for the two sequels, they instead used Nicole Kidman, who after her undemanding and unexciting performance in BMX Bandits, wanted a tough, challenging role.

Schapelle In Moulin Rouge

Corby moulin rouge

Certain feminist groups complained about the fact that the biggest female role in the movie was playing a windmill, but Baz replied "Fuck those dykes..."

In 2001, Corby re-entered the world of Hollywood. She auditioned for Baz Lurhman's Moulin Rouge!, and was accepted as the main female role; of playing the windmill. However, when Baz found her in the trailer smoking crack, she was sacked straight away and arrested and jailed for possession.

Baz urgently needed a skilled actress, and after viewing both Crocodile Dundee II and the award-winning masterpiece, Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles, straight away decided on Nicole Kidman as the replacement actress, emotionally stating "I have never seen anyone play a hat so GODDAMN passionately; her performance just fucking BLEW me away..."

2004 World Bodyboarding Championship - Bali, Indonesia

Scandal rocked the 2004 championship when on day 4 of competition, the then reigning Australian Women’s Bodyboard Champion Schapelle Corby was disqualified over a weighted bodyboard. This then gave the lead to the Icelander and bitter rival Björk Freezmatitzorf who then went on to win the competition. Fury erupted across Australia with accusations that the Indonesian bodyboarding officials had tampered with her board to give the Indonesian women's champion Megawati Sukarnoputri a better chance. Of course such corruption would never occur in Indonesia or the sport of bodyboarding. Schapelle Corby's bodyboard later failed a drugs test carried out by the World Anti-Doping Agency and is currently under a 20 year suspension.

Recent years


Corby being dragged away after her faeces throwing incident at the Logies.

After being released from prison in 2005, Schapelle returned to Australia. Upon finding out that Kidman had again taking her role in another movie, she decided to stalk Nicole. She was subsequently shot by firing squad for raping a cow.

When Nicole got up to speak at the 2005 Logies Awards Ceremony, Schapelle leaped out of her seat and similar to a monkey, proceeded to throw handfuls of her faeces at Kidman. She was promptly carried outside by security guards, and after frisking her, they found numerous small bags of cocaine. She is currently in an Indonesian jail for possession, intent to sell and unlawful assault.

Fun Facts About Schapelle

  • Eldest sister of Dave Chappell.
  • Frank Zappa wrote the song "All The Single Ladies" for Schapelle.
  • Favourite movies include Half Baked, Midnight Express, Escape From Alcatraz, The Great Escape and The Shawshank Redemption.

See also

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