Scene Kids

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A scene kid in female form.

“You do realise that they are just emos with brightly coloured crayons don't you?”
~ Captain Obvious on Scene kids

Scene Kids are the multicoloured puke of emo kids. When an emo has tried to overdose on drugs in a failed attempt to kill itself, and ends up puking all over the bathroom, out of the puke crawls a little scene kid baby. Gross.

What do they like?

Although most people associate scene kids as being all the same and liking hello kitty, this is a myth. The truth is, they are much like gremlins. If they are exposed to direct light or water they multiply in millions. No wonder California is booming with tiny scene boppers. Scenes are associated with being sxe (straight edge) but we all know their sneaking into clubs and house parties getting trashed and pretending to be whores. When hanging out in their habitats they've been known to have unusual behavior and be rowdy as to have others notice them participating in their silly antics.

What do they eat?

Many scene kids are vegans or vegetarians. It is not a trend - it's a choice, a lifestyle. That is the reason many scene kids are skinny. However, there are a few 'big' scene kids and there are scene kids who work out. In some cases some are seen to be eating other scenes. As many scene kids suffer from at least one form of eating disorder, such as bulimia, you can imagine how this may exacerbate the situation.

Habitat

You can almost always find a few "scene kids" at your local mall, usually in Hot Topic, or on MySpace. Maybe at the skate park, also. Or wherever the unknown/underground bands play.

Sexy Stuff

Naked teen

The one good thing about Scene culture.

Most scene kids are bisexual as this is scene kid law. If you are not bisexual other scene kids will hunt you down and eat you.

There are two ways to make a scene kid - for an emo to puke of if two scene kids put their hands together in a certain unexplained "heart" shape, scene fluid from the scene kids fingers saps together and forms a bubble with a baby scene kid inside. After a short period of 2 weeks and if the bubble has not been attacked by chavs the baby scene kid will emerge fully formed, eyes open and alert wanting its first fix of hair extensions and neon clothes.

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Two scene girls embarking on the scene kid mating ritual

Piercings

To attract a mate a scene kid will get as many facial piercings as possible as scene kids have tiny magnets in their bodies that will lead them to a desirable mate that has the most facial piercings. Although it is quite impossible to tell a male from a female in some cases. (Eg. Izzy Hilton, Jeffree Star, Dakota Rose, Baby Face)

Hair

The more brightly coloured the hair, the better the hair, and a set of dodgy £5 hair extensions are ESSENTIAL. Unlike their predecessors, of the "Emo" culture, scene kids pride themselves on having 't00tz h3ct!k' hair and would be stabbed instantly for having flat or unsickening hair. The main aim for any sensible scene is to get their hair as big as possible. Although at this current moment there aren't any conclusive studies as to why this is, many experts have estimated that it is a way to hide antennas that have been implanted in their heads. These antennas are most likely to control the minds and actions of all adolescents in 'scene commas'. The FBI suspects that the Japanese government could be behind these mind controlling antennas but hey, it could just be an excuse to bomb the shit out of them...again. One common hair dye technique scene kids use is "cooning" where a scene kid will dye stripes in its hair so that it will attempt to look like a raccoon. The reason for this behaviour is unknown. Although the perpetual use of hairspray, a five can a day habit, may actual be masking the stench let off by these half-man, half-raccoon, half-Japanese zombie beings. It has been noticed that many actually be bald wearing wigs and drawing on their eyebrows.

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Attempting to look like a raccoon

Why the colours?

Scene kids are nearly almost blind, in order for a scene kid to be able to see its on reflection in the mirror, or identify another scene kid that is a potential mate it has to dress in brightly coloured clothes and have bright colours in its hair as bright colours are the only things that scene kids can see.

Some other possible reasons for the seizure-causing clash of colours in scene clothing are:

  • As a cheap and obvious alert system, to ensure that no scene is ever left alone. As is common with the scene culture, groups loitering in inconvenient city centres must be intimidating and over-populated with clones.
  • To speed up receipt of Japanese mind-numbing signals.
  • A sad and lazy attempt to separate themselves from their miserable and colour-fearing predecessors, the "Emos"
  • To further enhance the child-like body shape of scene girls and boys. But hey.. if you'd not eaten for a few months to get your body to the exact measurements of a child, you'd want to dress like one too.
  • To further exaggerate the awesomeness of the scene culture. Only people who appear to be outgoing can get away with using words like 'n00bz', 't00tz' and 'br00tal' alongside using symbols like ^=^, >_< and -_-" (could also be some discreet Japanese code for "ATTTAAAAAACCCKKKK")

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