Sausage
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Sausage (IPA pronunciation: [susej]) is a type of long, thin meat-product, composed mainly of sausage, but also occasionally of such diverse materials as beef, Oscar Wilde's baby-making juices, chicken, cat, mouse, dog, moose, cow, goat, lampshade, iron, trees, parks, my little ponies, Dwarfs, old yeller, wood planks, fnord, Yaks, Asian People, Non-Asian People, Hobos, Hobo Spiders, Yo Momma, the Eiffel Tower, plutonium, opossums, Brain Peppers, french teachers, blood, Steve Irwin, ear wax and nails, and, most important of all, sausage.
Contents |
[edit] Sausage Production
Sausages are mostly grown in Southern Africa and form one of the primary exports of Botswana. Sausage-producing trees are highly valued, but are occasionally felled to make canoes. As sausages grow on trees, they are obviously all suitable for vegetarians. And your mom. Sausages are also suitable for use as dildoes but can occasionally cause the woman to give birth to a full roast dinner, an experience which is thought to be somewhat unpleasant.
[edit] Your Sausage: A User's Guide
There are three main types of sausage; frankfurt, skinless and halal. Halal sausages can only be eaten in a special type of way,which involves veils and masks and plenty of clothing. A true legend of sauages consumption is to be found in Denmark under the name of Frickadulle, who consumes no less than 67% of all sausage production in his country. Sausage can be obtained from almost all kinds of male animals, and can be eaten several different times. However, it is important to never eat the entire sausage, only enough that it vomits milk.
Once the sausage is quite small, if left alone for approx. 20 minutes the sausage will magically regrow and again be ready for consumption. If not, cook it in an oven while looking at a 1950's porno flick. Also related to sausage's ability to magically regrow is its method of reproduction, known as "spontaneous spawning", in which new sausages begin to grow out of the parent sausage before eventually falling off and inheriting severe problems with drugs and alcohol.
Sausage is frequently served at circuses, sideshows, back-alleys behind strip joints, and school cafeterias. Sometimes large groups of men will congregate for the purpose of holding celebrations called sausage fests. Aliens are rarely welcome at these gatherings.
The sausage has in the past been used by expansionist powers to endow their female citizens with the generative capacity to create a bespoke master race (often called the Ubermunch). The disastrous consequences of such plots were only narrowly averted by the forces of good, who skillfully infiltrated plants manufacturing the catalyst used in sausage production, mustard. In 1942, the renegade scientist Caesar Salat discoverd that, when contaminated by the agent Mayon-A, mustard loses its more volatile principal chemical properties.
Sausages are nice in sandwiches, with lots of ketchup. They are also often often hidden.
Sausages were used as midium range ballistics during the battle of Gretna Green of 1976. Resulting in one death and three loacals to write stongly letter to their MP. To this date the letters remain unanswered.
[edit] The Sausage: In Sickness and in Health
Sausages were once thought to be healthy and some scientists even considered them to be part of a stable diet, and one of your five-a-day fruit and vegetables.
However, in early 2008, it was shown that eating more than one sausage a day, every day, for 363 out of 364 days every year will give you AIDS.
[edit] The Sausage in Fiction
It was a rough day in the emergency room today. A boy had some sort of alien symbiote in his body, and it was affecting his concentration at school.
"Perhaps if we hit him over the head with a large sausage of some sort..." I mused.
"But wouldn't that afflict he and his symbiote with some sort of death?" asked the boy's mother in alarm.
"A sausage of some sort, eh?" said the boy's father. "Would that be anything like my giant penis?"
"As a matter of fact, it sort of would," I said in surprise.
"A single blow of some sort to the head with my penis would not kill a boy of any sort," he said confidently.
"Well, then," I said. "I'll go get some sort of sausage, whick is meaty."
"No need," said the boy's father. He unzipped the pants he was sort of wearing.
The boy's teachers say they've witnessed a vast improvement, of a sort.
[edit] Trivia
- The IPA pronunciation of sausage, [susej], is exactly the reverse of Jesus.
- Sausages are nice, taste good and shit.
- Sausages have also been known to cause cranium strainium. Apparently.
[edit] See also
 | All Things Sausage | |||
| Bologna - Hotdog - Meat - Salami - Sausage - Sausage Butty Batter Nugget - Sausage roll - Snausages | ||||
| Other Sausage Related Things | ||||
