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Satanium is an element that when combined with Jesus Dioxide in its impure form creates Jesus Satandioxide. However, in pure form the two combined will cause a giant nuclear explosion and accelerate global warming. Satanium has a half-life of 666 years.

[edit] Discovery

To be frank and honest, the discovery of Satanium is disputed; indeed, some sceptics argue it is not an element at all, but the wild overimaginings of a few Christians. The Catholic Church, the Church Of England and most other sects deny this, including American televangelists, for fairly obvious reasons. However, tests have shown that Jesus Satandioxide is a powerful mind-control tool, and bigots wish to harness this as it will enable them to take over the world and spread the word of God - extremely benevolent, as we all know. It is a widely-known fact that Christianity is the one true belief, and everything else is scum. As for the problem of who to blame the overimaginings on? As the Vatican formally declared that Galileo was right and the earth DID orbit the sun in 1992, they and the rest of Christianity had to return to blaming Jews and atheists, or freethinkers as they are sometimes called. It is widely believed that the extremist Muslims applaud the actions of the Church warmly, for reasons that so blatantly present themselves and parade in the street that a blind man riding a light beam could not fail to miss them.

[edit] Molecular Structure

This is an accurate depiction of Satanium's molecular structure. Notice the number "666" printed on the nucleus and the three shells, each with six electrons on them. As you can see, the electrons are in a mess, which obviously entails that something will be lost. And the Devil is incomplete due to that mess! However, he doesn't mind. 777 looks like three upside-down noses (if you look hard).

[edit] Potency

Luckily, Satanium is quite rare. However, due to pollution, it is on the increase and in the atmosphere permanently, killing millions of people worldwide. The worst thing about this is that Satanium is absolutely DEADLY. Even thinking about it will kill you, which means that idiots are safe. Do not on any account have anything to do with Satanium. You do that at your own risk. Happily, Jesus Dioxide binds to the impure form of Satanium and renders it relatively harmless.

[edit] What about the pure form?

People new to this information have been caught up in all the hype. Knowing that Jesus Dioxide does not bond to the pure form of Satanium, they run around like headless chickens preaching impending doom. The answer to their hopeless and slightly amusing plight is this: pure Satanium is so rare, don't even think of looking for it. It'll be a) a hopeless quest, and b) you'll die before you set out for the reasons stated above.