Sasori
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“He says he's a puppet with no emotions or soul. Aren't we all?”
~ Oscar Wilde on Sasori
“Ha, ha. At least I got no strings on me”
~ Pinocchio on his brother Sasori
“Hey, at least I didn't get swallowed by a whale. Oh and at least I have fangirls”
~ Sasori on his younger brother Pinocchio
“He always tells me not to rush things. Well at least I don't stay inside a puppet suit all day”
~ Deidara on Sasori
“Thats MY Sex-Toy!!! ”
~ Pein on Sasori
“Haraku Domo Idioto Domo Baka De Ramos Maggnificionas Deidra (Derdara or Deidara) Harashakur Chiyo Baaa! Sama ”
~ Sasori on Dick
“He Isn't Completely Emo... Unless you Remind him his childhood”
~ Sasori on Oscar Wilde
Sasori is a member of the crimminal/fashion organization, Akatsuki. He is the son of Geppetto and is the older brother of his famous Disney sibling, Pinocchio. He is Deidara's equal in both the art department and abnormality department. Unlike his younger brother, he is a living puppet and feels no regrets for becoming one as it makes him much cooler. He also happens to be Gaara's equally corrupt cousin.
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[edit] Early Life
Sasori was born in the Village hidden in the Sand. He was born to Geppetto and some chick. Of course, sometime following his birth, his mother filled for divorce from Geppetto as he seemed far too into his puppets (WAAAAY too interested in them). A long custody battle for Sasori dragged for months in the court room. Although Geppetto did his best to convince the judge with his cute puppets, he lost the battle and Sasori's mother gained custody of him. Geppetto proceeded to move to Italy. Soon after Geppetto built Sasori's younger brother, Pinocchio.
Pinocchio learned about his older brother through his father and made it a mission to keep in touch with him. Of course, Sasori had little interest in his wooden brother and never wrote back. Following this, Geppetto and Pinocchio went through a long depression period and eventually threw themselves off a cliff and were eaten by Monstro the whale. Sasori received notice of their "supposed" deaths and was relieved to have them off his case.
Sadly, his mother was abducted by pirates and he never saw her again. Of course, Sasori was never told this as his grandma, Chiyo feared he would become emo like Sasuke. Instead she told him that she ran off with some hunk and didn't feel compelled to raise the boy. Of course, what Chiyo didn't realize was the story she told Sasori screwed up his little mind just as telling him the truth would have done. From that day on, Sasori would devote all his time to making puppets of his parents and spend countless hours in his room being hugged by these abominations.
Chiyo, after witnessing this sad sight, became emo herself. Then, after several hours of playing Simple Plan's song "Untitled", Chiyo developed a jutsu that would give life to Sasori's puppets at the cost of her own. Of course, before this could happen, Sasori snapped and he ran away from the village. Shortly after; much like his mother, he was abducted by pirates.
[edit] Teen Years
Sasori was forced into slavery by his pirate captors. He was forced to satisfy their sick desires in whatever way they demanded. Of course most of the time they just asked him to make them sex toys. Then one day, whilst the pirates landed anchor unto land, the local villagers were amazed by Sasori's sex puppets. The villagers were more than happy to pay the young child large amounts of money for the puppets. Sasori, realizing an amazing oppurtunity before him agreed and from there on he became the well know sex puppet designer, Sasori Of The Red Sand (awww, little baby making sex puppets... Doesn't it just bring a smile to your face?). One thing the should be mentioned is that Sasori's biggist fan, Konoha's White Fang, was raped by one of the puppets purchased from the child. He later gave birth to a scarecrow by the name of "Cock-kashi", as the result of having man sex with the Gackt. Before dying Konoha's White Fang made sure his manchild would become the sensei of a pink haired whore slut bitch ugly ass mother fucking dirty ass smut names sakura which means "Smutty Ass", who would ultimately, kill the redhead man who made a puppet that the perverse Konoha's White Fang bought and was raped by so that he could have his revenge on said redhead man. Sasori did not know of the raping, so he continued making his puppets for the horny & sex addicted villagers.
Shortly after his puppet's sales began to decline, Sasori answered an ad to appear on boy band NSYNC's video Im So Gay That I Don't Even Like Girls. Seeing as how he was such an amazing puppeteer, the pansies were quite impressed with his performance in the video and offered him a place in the band. Sasori of course declined and after that, NSYNC was never heard from again. Following the video, Sasori slipped into deep depression. After several hours of listening to "Injected" by PEachES on constant repeat, Sasori turned himself into a living puppet. A year after, Sasori came into contact with the international crime and fashion syndicate, Akatsuki and was recruited into their ranks as it's leader Pein happened to be a big fan of his sex dolls & raped him & deidara & he currently likes sasori's sister & tried to rape her too but she punched him, leaving him paralyzed.
[edit] In Akatsuki
Upon his arrival into the organization, Sasori was paired with the organization's resident pedophile and snake lover, Orochimaru. Apperantly, Orochimaru had made a name through himself as a former male model and pop singer under the alias of Michael Jackson II . Of course, the two never spoke to each other as Orochimaru continued to make unwanted moves towards fellow member Itachi Uchiha. After Orochimaru left the group after being rejected & Itachi Tore His Hand Off because he tried to rape him. Sasori joined Itachi and his partner Kisame in recruiting an equally problemed ninja obsessed with art and curse with having mouths on his hands, Deidara. After enduring several hours of listening to the artistic maniac's love for art, Sasori gained a new partner.
Unlike his past partner, Sasori and Deidara got along quite well. The two had much in common as they both had sick hobbies and ridiculed normal people. Of course, when Sasori feared Deidara would make unwanted moves toward him, Sasori built himself a protective suit which resembled an Arabian woman with a tail to keep some space between the two.
[edit] Raid On The Village Hidden in the Sand
A few years later, Pein revealed to his members that Akatsuki would be seeting it's sights on world domination. To do so, Pein stated that they would need to collect nine various furry and giant animals, skin them of their fur, and create the ultimate weapon; an amazing fur coat made of such rare material that all the nations in the world would practically sell their souls to obtain. Seeing as it was mostly a massive art project, Sasori and Deidara were thrilled and made haste to obtain the first beast.
Ironically, not only was the first beast located in Sasori's hometown, but it's host was his own equally problemed cousin, Gaara. Gaara contained the spirit of the one-tailed, red-neck, Raccoon. Of course, Sasori was feeling to lazy to get Gaara himself (that or perhaps he had some compasion left in that souless body of his) so he had Deidara do it. Sasori clearly told Deidara not to "keep him waiting" as he was desperate to continue their argument over art, but he was forced to wait nearly 23 hours till Deidara returned with Gaara's body and short one arm.
As the two made their escape, Gaara's older brother with the puppet fetish Kankuro came to try to stop the two. Seeing as this was the perfect way to test his abilites against yet another puppet fanboy, Sasori stayed to deal with him while Deidara ran off with Gaara's body. Kankuro used a the puppets from Lamb Chop's play-along, but Sasori easily broke through them. It was here, Kankuro learned that the puppets he used were all made by none other than Sasori. Sasori then revealed that he went easy on Kankuro and didn't use the poison that he normally used. It was just purple Kool Aid. Of course, Kankuro was allergic to Kool Aid so it made little difference. Sasori then ran off to catch up to his partner.
[edit] Fight with Chiyo and Super Sakura
Sasori and Deidara brought Gaara to one of their many hideouts and following a long and boring sealing jutsu (which included several days of meaningless conversations and arguments with the other members), they succeeded in sealing the Raccoon spirit; killing Gaara in the process. Soon after, Naruto along with Kakashi, Chiyo, and Sakura barged into the hideout demanding Gaara. Seeing Gaara dead on the floor, Naruto went into a mad rage and went right after the two crimminals. Deidara carried Gaara's corpse with him and flew off like a little coward with Naruto and Kakashi following him. This in turn left Chiyo and Sakura to deal with Sasori.
Sasori proceeded to unload a crap load of poison darts at the two, but the two ladies dodged the attack. Sasori was shocked to see that Sakura survived his attack. Of course, Chiyo revealed that she had been controlling Sakura so she would dodge his attacks as without her, Sakura would no doubt have perished. After receiving word that Sakura was up against an Akatsuki member, thousands of Naruto fans tuned in with high hopes that the useless girl would finally die.
Sakura then transformed into Super Sakura and broke Sasori's puppet suit. Sasori then revealed himself and immediately his fangirls screamed in delight over his boyish good looks (eh, what is it with girls digging the creepy members of Akatsuki? Oh wait, all the members are creepy. Nevermind). Sasori then summoned all his sex dolls and fought with Chiyo and Sakura's puppets in what became the Naruto equivilant of the Battle of Middle Earth.
[edit] Downfall and Death
After his puppets were defeated, Sasori under a sith hood sneaked up on Sakura and stabbed her with a sword. When Sakura fell to the ground all quiet like, thousands of Naruto fans popped open wine bottles in celebration. However, Chiyo proceeded to stab Sasori in the heart with the puppets of his parents that he made a long time ago. She then proceeded to revive Sakura. Immediatly, the Naruto fans yelled in anger. Sasori then proceeded to torture both the ladies and the fans watching with a speech about how much his life sucked. Of course, Chiyo revealed how much she carred about him; she loved him so much she would stab the poor kid with the very puppets he made feeling that he would much rather be dead and with his parents then continue living as puppet. Soon after, Sasori fell to the ground and peacfully died. Of course, Chiyo proceeded to state that Sasori died from the realization that he died at Sakura's hands. At this revelation, thousands of Naruto fans mourned the poor soul's death and proceeded to plan a riot against Sakura.
[edit] Aftermath
Sasori's body was found by fellow member and Akatsuki's resident Hannibal, Zetsu and self-proclaimed good-boy and Akatsuki's new member Tobi. Tobi proceeded to take Sasori's ring and the two left his body were it laid. Shortly after, his fangirls carried his body and gave him a proper burial. His gravestone is located in the same cave that he fell at Sakura's hands. Thousands of fans come to his gravestone to pay their respects to the man that nearly cleansed Naruto of Sakura.
[edit] Abilties and Personality
Not much more can be said about Sasori's personality then what is already written on this article. He is basically a depressed, self-hating, puppet kid that longs to be with his parents. Of course, unlike Sasuke whom has no sympathetic qualities, Sasori has many things that make people feel sorry for him and that in turn made him extremely popular.
Ability wise, Sasori is the ultimate puppet master. He has made thousands of puppets and sex dolls from the dead bodies of ninja that he has defeated (eww). He also has the powers of poison at his disposal and when he is feeling merciful, he will use purple Kool Aid. Of course, if you are allergic to it, you will suffer from Kool Aid's diease and suffer an annoying and painful death three days later. Oh yeah! Oh wait, oh no!
[edit] Trivia
- His Latin name is "Puppetus Necrophilius"
- Much like his younger brother, Sasori was presented with a movie deal from Disney to have an entire movie revolved around him. Of course, Sasori rejected the offer, killed the Disney agents who presented him with the contract, and turned their bodies into another one of his many puppets. To add insult to injury, Sasori placed a sound system inside their puppet bodies with the "I Got No Strings" song from his brother's one and only movie.
- He is an avid fan of Edgar Alan Poe.
- Aside from Pinocchio, he is also a cousin of Chuckie from the Child's Play series
[edit] See Also
- Sakura
- Deidara
- Zetsu
- Itachi Uchiha
- Kimona Nakamaru
- Orochimaru
- Rape
- Sakura Da Smut !
